#nothing human

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

Ralkana? He said you’d been shot. One of the early gems of Voyager is “Resistance,” and Kate Mulgrew is on high display throughout. When she comes to understand Caylem’s tragic history, Janeway embraces his cause with compassion and empathy. And when the poor, senile man is dying and continues to mistake her for his daughter, Janeway lets him believe his delusions because they’re all he has.

Hello. I’m Captain Kathryn Janeway. Welcome to the Bridge. We joke a lot on A Star to Steer Her By that Janeway’s go-to tactic is self-destructing the ship. And she gets to actually carry that through for the first (but not last) time in “Deadlock,” taking out a whole bunch of Vidiians with her. Lucky for us, a spare Voyager crew (including a bonus Harry and Naomi) are saved as a result, since any other time it’s a trick you can only pull once.

There’s nothing to fear… except Kathryn Janeway Throughout the sensory-overload nightmare fuel that is “The Thaw,” Fear the Clown torments the people within his holo-environment until he crosses paths with Captain Janeway and she proves to be the most cold-blooded of them all. She cleverly tricks him into releasing the hostages before ripping the rug out from under him with the reveal that she isn’t really there.

You’re part of a family now, and you have obligations Watching the crew become more of a family as the seasons progress is a highlight of Voyager, and the way Janeway comes to trust Neelix is lovely to watch. In “Macrocosm,” she makes him an ambassador, and an episode later in “Fair Trade,” her “you’re part of our family” speech when Neelix admits to feeling like he no longer has a purpose on the ship proves how she values him.

Time’s up Not only is “Year of Hell” one of the best two-parters in all of Star Trek, but it also has yet another instance of Janeway destroying the ship! She takes it upon herself to save her crew from the Krenim and their very pretty, very powerful timeship by plowing what’s left of the Voyager directly into that sucker. And she even gets a great sendoff line to go with it!

For what it’s worth, you made a tempting offer If we’ve learned anything from the first several seasons, it’s don’t cross Janeway or she will double-, triple-, or quadruple-cross you right back. Evidently, no one clued in Kashyk in “Counterpoint” because he tries to use her to find a wormhole and nab some telepaths, but she’s been prepared for that the whole time. Pity, the two of them were almost cute together.

I’m a little busy right now, helping a friend It takes her quite a while (most of the series even), but Janeway slowly makes steps to accepting the EMH as people. By “Latent Image,” she’s agreed to let him process his trauma, even though it would be much easier to deal with if she just erased it (again) like the program he is. She even sits with him while he has existential crisis after existential crisis.

Her Royal Highness, Arachnia, Queen of the Spiderpeople! As far as comedy episodes go, “Bride of Chaotica!” is one of our favorites. You can tell everyone’s having so much fun, especially Kate Mulgrew as she throws herself fully into the over-the-top role of Queen Arachnia. Janeway pretending to be a B-movie villainess is just candy to watch, and she saves the invaders from the fifth dimension. All in a day’s work!

I make a better you than you Jake thinks he’s very funny in making me include this one on the Janeway list, but here we go. So Dala in “Live Fast and Prosper” isn’t really Janeway, but she does make cunning deals and schemes with the best of them. And hell, the bonafide Janeway delivers as well by foiling her counterpart’s dastardly plans and throwing her in the brig where she belongs.

I’ll start my own Federation, with blackjack and hookers When the Voyager is stuck in the titular void from “The Void,” everyone’s begging to resort to piracy – it just looks so fun! – but Janeway puts her foot down. Despite being so far from home, she has tried her darndest to unhold Starfleet ideals, and starting her own miniature Federation is her way of showing that people are better when they work together. Void friends forever!

Must’ve been something you assimilated While I could pick on Admiral Janeway for breaking the Temporal Prime Directive in “Endgame,” I’m just too impressed by how she so thoroughly owns the Borg Queen. She knows diplomacy won’t get her anywhere with the Borg, so she lets herself get assimilated to pass on a neurolytic pathogen that takes out the whole collective and saves Voyager!

Set your compass to Starfleet Finally, we’ve been pretty forthright about our love for Star Trek: Prodigy, and Admiral Janeway really gets some great moments to chew the CGI scenery. In the season one finale, “Supernova,” she stands up for the Protostar crew, especially sticking her neck out for Dal in a way that is so pure and supportive that you root for the whole group. We're so excited to watch season two when it’s up on Netflix!

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Worst moments

And if you win you get this shiny banjo made of gold What the whole series boils down to is the long journey to get home from the Delta Quadrant… but it’s kinda Janway’s fault they’re stuck there in the first place due to her needlessly selfless actions in “Caretaker.” And then there are countless opportunities to get home after that that she squanders to uphold Starfleet rules. Who’s gonna know, Janeway?

The Trolley Problem solution for maximum murder Probably the most infamous action Janeway takes is the murder of Tuvix in the eponymous “Tuvix.” Sure, it’s to get two crewmembers back, and I’ve heard that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one, but it is straight-up cruel the way she forces Tuvix to medbay against his will, kicking and screaming the whole way that he wants to live.

I couldn’t help it, said the scorpion. It’s my nature. Boy, does Janeway know how to put her crew in needless danger by making snap decisions and then arguing about them a lot (a lot) with Chakotay. Her decision to team up with the Borg in “Scorpion” against the newly introduced Species 8472 is frankly insane. There’s no reasoning with Borg, lady. I’m with Chakotay on this one: you can only trust a scorpion to sting you.

You must comply In “Scorpion,” Janeway promises to return Seven to the collective when they finish the whole Species 8472 thing, but instead Janeway straight up kidnaps the poor drone and makes the decision to deprogram her in “The Gift” like the cult victim Seven is. It’s all entirely against Seven’s wishes and a little uncomfortable to watch because our new Borg has no agency yet.

Get down with your bad self Okay, Jake is being a pill again and insists we include Janeway’s fictional counterpart from “Living Witness” using biogenic weapons against the Kyrians. And yeah, it’s not actually Janeway – it’s a purely fabricated story the Kyrians concocted for their biased history program – but ya know what: I love how diabolical and ruthless this Janeway is so much that I’ll include it.

I’ll be benefiting from other people’s suffering Even more uncomfortable than watching Janeway force individuality on Seven is watching Janeway straight up ignore the DNR from Torres in “Nothing Human.” We sorta get that Seven can’t make her own decisions because she’s essentially a cult victim, but Torres is of sound mind when she refuses to accept surgery from Crell Moset and Janeway won’t hear it.

Sit in the corner and think about what you did We did a whole other blogpost about when it’s a good idea to break or uphold the Prime Directive after watching “Thirty Days.” Janeway refuses to let Tom save the Moneans and throws him in the brig for a month for trying to help them. It’s inconsistent to say the least when captains decide to hide behind the almighty Prime Directive, and Janeway is the biggest offender.

You’re malfunctioning, and you need to be repaired We praised Janeway a moment ago about how she respects the Doctor’s agency in “Latent Image,” but all through the series leading up to that, she struggles to think of him as a sapient person. It’s revealed in this episode that she’d ordered his memories of Jetal wiped as a way to deal with his trauma – something she’d surely never do to one of her solid crew members.

The Handbook on Personal Relationships is three centimeters thick Season 5 is well represented in this list, and you’d think that after that long, Janeway would have a modicum of respect for her forever ensign, Harry Kim. But in “The Disease,” she sets a double standard out of nowhere that crew members can’t bang aliens without permission. Hello? Janeway, everyone has already broken that, not just Harry, your special little boy.

Every captain gets a little torture as a treat! We get to watch Janeway go full Captain Ahab on the Equinox crew in “Equinox.” She hunts down Ransom like he’s her white whale. She tortures Lessing for information. And then she fires Chakotay for doing his job of being the most moral character in the room. It all feels out of character, but that’s kinda the point because this is what the Delta Quadrant pushes people to.

Delete the wife Speaking of seeming out of character. In “Fair Haven,” Janeway designs herself a holo-boyfriend and then falls head-over-heels in love with it. We fully support the captain going and getting holo-laid, especially since it’s unethical to bang her subordinates, but she should know better that this guy is just a sex toy and not a real person – she did program him that way!

Two Janeways are better than one There’s a whole new meaning to arguing with yourself in “Endgame.” Turns out, Admiral Janeway originally doesn’t want to wreck up the Borg as we gave her credit for above, but withholds her plan from her younger self and then tries to pull rank while everyone else is rallying to save millions by taking out the Borg. Ladies, can’t we just work together… to kill Borg!

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