#notdoneyet

You thought the downward spiral of my mental health ended last night? Oh no no no!

I dreamt last night part of my stomach (below my ribcage I guess) was cut open and blood was leaking out of me like a problematic pipe and I was surprisingly calm about it. I just worried about it when I rolled over in bed and that was when I woke up. It was too vivid of a dream because I could see my skin and body fat (the yellow part) like it was opened using a scalpel.

And you know what? I hope it happens soon or for me to have an aneurysm as I am so tired with everything.

Ironically, as I am typing this post, I'm watching a livestream of a church in Alabang. The pastor is saying that he hopes I can surrender everything. How can I surrender something that I need to live as I'm broke and jobless? The reason I'm home right now is also a long story and don't want to talk about it.

Not a priority? Heck I feel like going to church is work. I honestly question so many things now. Daily gratitude? Araw araw nga akong buhay pa medjo dismaya na ko sa totoo lang.

That's enough I think.

EDIT: I'm even gaslighting myself without anyone's help. Good job self? lol

I wanna be yours dead. Googled this line and this is what I see. Thanks google xD