#notallmen

Out of 10 men, 1 makes a sexual joke directed at a woman, 2 laugh alone, 3 don't find it funny but still chuckle to fit in, and 4 say nothing, pretending they didn't hear it at all. Not a single one speaks up, and not a single one stops it. Later, aside from the man who made the joke, the other nine all believe the same thing: men like that are a minority and most men aren't like this, seeing themselves as part of the "good majority".

However, from the perspective of the woman being harassed, there is no big difference between them because the laughter, the silence, and the looking away all create the same environment. When women say most men are the same, this is what they mean: while not every man harasses women, most men participate in protecting the system that does.

And to add to this, even if you're alone with him and he doesn't attack you, that doesn't mean that he won't next time. There's no way to ever know that it won't happen some day because the calculations that they're doing aren't visible. Someone tried to rape one of my ex friend when she was a middle schooler and she was around him for over a year before that. He had maybe two or three opportunities to rape her before he actually tried but I think he still thought he had a chance at dating her so he refrained, and he only tried to rape her after he felt like he didn't have a chance. So with the men who will bide their time for years hoping you eventually become theirs, you could be alone with them and never know that they'll rape you the moment they decide you aren't going to fall for them after all. (azooz's example is perfect for this)

Almost all men participate in protecting the system that oppresses women.

Men think they're a good guy because they don't overtly violate or harm women but men regularly passively aggressively harm women by silently participating in other men's harassment of women and quietly exploiting women's unpaid labour for their benefit.

I love the assumption in the tweet that the same men hold both opinions. Many men - and women - are simply against all sexism. 

Including me.

Of course, by the same lolgic, it’s okay to tar all women with the same brush as the minority who do bad things.

>Cooking is womens work, but only in the home, the majority of professional Chefs are male.

How is that sexism? Professional chefery is a lot different from cooking for yourself or your family. 

Also, aren’t bakeries often run by women?

>Tending to the sick is women's work, but only in the home, the majority of doctors are male.

...Who says women are supposed to tend to the sick? If the sick is a kid, maybe. And if the stay at home dad is a man, he’s expected to do it.

And, again, how is a gender disparity necessarily sexism? Women are still more likely to be nurses. And they outnumber doctors.

The gender ratio is 60/40 male/female. That’s not a huge majority.

By this lolgic, feminism’s majority of women would be evidence of sexism against men. In fact, feminism is rarely concerned with any field where women dominate.

>Caring about clothes and fashion is stupid and girly, but only at a consumer level, most fashion designers are male.

And are usually designing for women, because women generally care more about fashion and appearance. So women buy more clothes.

Is this what you’ve been reduced to? The fact that a tiny minority of men are fashion designers is not some sort of hypocrisy on the part of men that aren’t.

Just like the doctor thing.

>Women is the sex trade are disgusting and basically subhuman, but males are the majority of pimps and johns. 

Turns male hookers are treated even worse, and neither pimps or johns are exactly lauded as heroes.

You did notice that all of those are still illegal, right?

Also, pimps are often employees of the “sex trader” women. Think agent/bodyguard, not slave driver.

>Men are the ones who 'do the dirty work' but most men pitch a fit if their wives ask them to change their babies diaper.

1. Citation needed.

https://warwick.ac.uk/newsandevents/pressreleases/research_punctures_modern/

https://www.ipsos.com/en-us/fathers-day-approaches-dads-young-children-say-they-do-their-fair-share-chores-including-changing

I really have to stop responding to troll comments online, sometimes they just make it so easy though and with a broken wrist, time off work and a never ending lockdown....realistically what else am i going to do with my time?

So i made some videos on tik tok (yes.....i fell down the millenial tik tok hole) about the 97% statistic and on sexual harassment in general. From seeing videos and reading comments i can see that there are a lot of people who don’t understand what SH actually is or why something they (men generally) consider innocuous could be so threatening to women. So on an app with the highest population of trolls in social media history...i engaged. 

A comment i received on a video yesterday went something like this....”why can’t women just take a compliment? I mean you don’t have to say thanks...just carry on with your day and stop crying about it”. Yes, he was talking about catcalling. So when i read comments like this from user123456789 with no profile picture or followers or bio....i think to myself, are they just a bored troll seeing how much trouble they can cause, do they genuinely believe the idiocy they are spewing, or is it both? Either way, i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to reply to this one (against my better judgement...again, i am very bored)

I obviously didn’t manage to have a serious conversation with this dude because he was an ignorant pig, but i made a video in reply to his comment explaining what catcalling is really about and why it is quite so disgusting/threatening. It constantly surprises me how many people know nothing about the experiences of women, some because they don’t want to and i guess others because they aren’t in a relationship where these experiences are shared (unlike my poor husband who has my experiences and feminist take on life shoved down his throat on a daily basis).

I asked my husband recently if he considered that he had ever sexually harassed anyone and to my surprise he very quickly responded with a clear “yes”. As with most men, his intention wasn’t to harass or intimidate women, rather to have a laugh or act the big man in front of the group. I don’t believe that any man really thinks that catcalling will get him the girl, my husband says that if he was genuinely interested in someone then it would never have been the way he went about it. It is a demonstration of “masculinity” mostly, its “banter” and in some cases its a power display and yes....a way to intimidate women. 

Catcalling itself is a bizarre behaviour - shouting shit at random people on the street isn’t generally acceptable social behaviour, but why is it sexual harassment rather than just a weird behaviour that some (a lot) of men perpetrate? Someone (yes...a man) said to me yesterday online that what makes an act harassment is not the consequence but the intent and i could not disagree more. By this logic someone could commit any number of crimes and be absolved depending on their intent. 

What is the compliment that has most stuck with you? For me personally i don’t want to be complimented on my looks or body, a compliment that will stick with me will likely be about intelligence or achievement, things that i have worked hard for. Someone shouting at me in the street about how i look is certainly NOT a compliment. 

We have all experienced it and most of us a lot worse. So going back to the comment this neanderthal made on my video....most women DO ignore this kind of behaviour, however much we may want to tell them to go fuck themselves, the majority of the time we ignore it...put our heads down, cross the road and speed up. Why? Because to do otherwise has the potential for danger for us as women. Lets face it, even when we do ignore it they often continue to shout at us or even follow us down the street. Most women have had experiences with either sexual harassment or sexual assault and so how do they expect us to react when they start yelling this crap at us in the street? It is NOT a compliment and it IS harassment. It is scary, demeaning, intimidating and often insulting. It makes us feel uncomfortable and it changes the way that women behave in public. 

A few years ago i had a conversation with my husband about “walking while female”. He had no idea the way in which women adapt their behaviour to promote their own safety in public. Simple things that men take for granted - walking with both earphones in, walking at night, not having to be hyper aware of their surroundings, not crossing the road when they see someone walking towards them and not having to plan their route according to which route they will be less likely to be attacked on. These are things that girls and women do almost without thinking about, it is an ingrained behaviour....something we don’t remember being taught ourselves but we certainly remember the sad day we have to teach our daughters the same lessons. 

If men could stop being defensive for a minute and listen to the experiences we have had our entire lives maybe they could understand why a stranger screaming judgement on your looks/body on the street would trigger our fight or flight response. Of course there are men that look for this exact reaction, they love the power they have over women and live to incite fear. I have to believe that this is the minority though and what these defensive men don’t seem to realise is that it is those men they are defending when they defend this behaviour. 

That someone (even a tiktok troll) would suggest that women stop crying and just ignore the behaviour rather than advocating for men to stop and understand how destructive this behaviour is proves to me how strong the band of brothers is. The irony is that they are the ones screaming not all men at the top of their lungs while mansplaining how women’s experiences are invalid...thus making them...one of “those” men. 

I have never before experienced this level of determination to not listen...it brings women down to the point of not wanting to talk about their experiences. It is an excellent silencing technique. Unfortunately i think most men don’t realise that this is the intention and they genuinely feel like they are being victimised.