#not pretty

You looked up in the mirror, seeing only one thing...Acne.

It was always there, taking prey of your insecurities, no matter how much money, product, or just begging you had. It never went away.

These past two days have been more difficult by the second, the ongoing pain of not feeling pretty.

The blemishes and the other forms of scar were like open wounds, but they never healed.

You turned away from the mirror and sat down on the bed. Your eyes are puffy from crying constantly...You were just...tired.

Grabbing your phone, you open it right to Instagram, like a pattern. Your thumb is already hovering over the app like second nature.

You scrolled, seeing all these pretty women, skin clear and beautiful. Feeling your own skin, rough and full of something you didn't want to see in the mirror.

You threw your phone, angry that you couldn't be like that. Grabbing your pillow and crying, but no tears fell.

You tried talking to your mom...surely she must understand. It quietly, but gradually, shifted to a discussion about her.

Not about the feelings you were bottling up inside, waiting for them to burst out. You could only sit and listen, occasionally nodding once or twice.

How was it so easy for everyone else to feel pretty and confident when all you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and never leave your bed again?

Hello, my darling

I don't know why I decided to write this, but recently, I've been having a lot of feelings and insecurities going on, and if any of you would also like to comment on any insecurities you've been having, please go ahead.

Or really anything you want to comment on.

My 8-yo rather precisely summarizing the analysis of experimental data:

I hate how I’m mediocre at everything. I can do everything but I’m never good. I try so hard just to see how far behind i actually am. It’s gotten to a point where I constantly have dreams of achieving my goals and dreams but my brain considers them nightmares and all I can do is wake up. I don’t want to so useless. I’m like one of those all rounders who can do everything. When I think about I only draw and do art because that’s the only thing I’m good at and will ever be good at. Whenever I do wanna get better I have to try so so hard to even get a little progress. One example is how I’ve done violin for 6 years now and I’m still catching up to people who have played for a shorter time than me. And my parents are always talking about how I’m gifted. I’m special. I’m the child they made who could do anything i put my mind to because I had gotten all their good genes. But now I’m convinced integers work in genes. My friend’s parents are terrible at math meanwhile their kids are amazing. My parents have awards for math in school meanwhile I can’t even do multiplication at my grown age. Like I feel so disappointed in myself every day because I can’t achieve anything. At this point I should lay there and die like a dog just like Muichiro’s twin said. Like how am I supposed to take care of my parents when I can’t even take care of myself properly? I constantly fall asleep without untying my hair or changing. I don’t shower that often since I just can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t even know what to do with my life. It’s not like I wanna die but at the same time I do wanna die. And it’s like that because I can’t even hope to achieve something but at the same time I can’t hope but wish I could do it. I’m still young and have lots to live for but I can’t see what I have left. My friends don’t like me, my parents don’t think high of me, not even my online friends like. I only have 2 people who actually care for me right now. I hope it gets better and I get prettier too.

Usually I highlight my words in colours but I just don’t have the energy to do it right now :( usually I do it even when I’m super tired. Once I again I speak my wise words “I hope it gets better and I get prettier”