#noonrambles

Barty 'Attention Whore' Crouch Jr. UGH I LOVE THIS PART‼️‼️ his daddy issues are SO DEEP he'll literally do anything won't he?

Care to yap about this? Maybe youll want to wait for chapter 10. I just love this omg I think its one of my favourite lines that reveals so much. (Perhaps you had a different intention than im thinking when you wrote this? Maybe its fairly inconsequential) UGH I NEED TO KNOW

Also I never mentioned your age once in my comment you came up with the granny part on your own☝️ Seems like someone's projecting hehe

tl;dr

asking me to yap about my favorite little brat and stepson?? of course i will. lemme just sit down in my rocking chair.... alright. (nah, i'm rocking this chair now, but in rocking🤘kind of way, y'know... ugh, cringe please pull the plug already.)

to me this part tells us, that there is still a side of barty (at least at that point in time) that feels remorse, but he's helpless. he has tried so very hard to suppress these urges, but he can't stop them. (if you ask me, he hasn't really tried hard at all...)

the father horace event, what he did that day and the feelings he felt, are on his mind constantly. even though, that was really more of an impulsive knee-jerk reaction (i had to google that word, wtf?) it definitely unlocked something in him, but he also felt torn.

i don't think rk barty was the kind of kid that killed small animals to dissect them, actually quite the opposite, i think he was really soft. (yeah, BCS, go ahead blame it on his mother)

when he was four, barty found a sleeping raccoon in the garden. it looked so peaceful and it had such soft fur that he started petting it. then he showed his new raccoon friend to his mother and she totally freaked. the raccoon was dead and she had to explain to him what death was. barty cried his little eyes out for days. (in case you ever wondered why barty has sympathy for raccoons... from the "ask noon to make you cry in 100 words or less" vault 🥲)

anyway, i think that's part of the reason he got away with the horace situation in the first place, no one would've suspected him. the classic "oh he's such a nice little lad" but in actuality he's a psychopath type of guy. (well, that, and because BCS has made sure, that this can't be linked to his son in any way. i have no idea how he does it, but BCS is always two steps ahead...) but i digress...

his "meetings" with father horace were definitely some type of religious conversion therapy. maybe BCS suspected something, maybe the school was suspicious of him and reg. i don't know man, but basically one thing led to another and the whole thing spiraled...

the day barty was called into BCS's office he was so fucking scared of what he had done and his father's punishment. at that point he was already obsessed with the thought that he would be punished, he anticipated it. so when he enters the office, he truly thinks BCS is either gonna make him spend the rest of his life in jail or kill him himself. the disappointing truth is that BCS did neither. he did not even fully acknowledge what barty did. (oh he knows and barty knows that he knows, but BCS is not gonna give him that.)

in general growing up barty never received much attention or validation from his father, which only made him more obsessed with the man. but as he got older he started to despise him. barty thinks of his father as a stuck-up, rule-abiding, pious man and tries his hardest to be the exact opposite. but he doesn't want to be too blatant about it either, he wants to keep going and yes, he craves acknowledgement, but he doesn't want to have to ask for it. (jeez, man, get a tattoo or something...)

so barty continues to do what he does, mainly because he knows his father would disapprove, if he knew, but also, because it makes him feel superior, because he knows he can and BCS won't stop him. because the most important person to BCS is BCS himself and BCJ by proxy. again, that man lived with the name BARTEMIUS and made the conscious decision to name his son after himself?? (he's so narcissistic he needs to be studied.)

anyway barty thinks he's sneaky, he thinks he can keep going forever. but he also knows it's bad, that it would be better if someone would put an end to it, because he's simply not able to help himself anymore, after he reached that point of no return. which then leads him to become more sloppy and disrespectful toward his father. (a very stupid decision.)

(it was so good you are a genius) 🪰

(omg i literally forgot this was in my asks 😭 forgive me 🧎)

over the weekend i felt drained. ngl, ch9 almost killed me (and barty, oop 🫣) like, if it made you feel like you've been swept up by a whirlwind of emotions while reading — good, that's how it's supposed to be.

now that a few days have passed...

i am VERY aware that ch9 was probably not what most expected, but i really felt like i needed to give barty some space to be unhinged and i'm glad it worked out. 😎

and actually, i find myself very funny for throwing everyone into the back of my trunk, full throttle into the smut and then rode the emotional rollercoaster 57 times while naked and bleeding. we really went from feeling sorry for barty, to feeling things for his dad, to hating that little misogynistic piece of trash, to laughing with him about murder and his silly little rules, to rooting for him for finally standing up for himself, to more conflicting emotions about older man, to feeling absolutely devastated about his mother.

yeah, so if anyone has theories about who is the roadkill in this fic, i think it's the reader. (oh, did i just hit you with my ch9 truck? you better believe i'm gonna back it up and run you over with ch10, for good measure. 🥰 but it'll be so fun, trust!)

i'm starting to feel excited for ch10, it's gonna pick up right where we left off. (and i still have to edit a few things, uuugh 💀 i'm running out of time!!)

i think this sums up pretty well what to expect from ch10:

(from the spoilers without context vault)

ps: i hope everyone enjoys frank's road to roadkill radio show! i adore alice. she's so professional, doing her best, reporting about homicides (modern au alice hc: she has a true crime podcast and no one can convince me otherwise) and frank is just over there simping for her. (man, pathetic, am i right?)

pps: i specifically chose the name KRCK-FM, not only because i researched how radio call signs in the U.S. worked in the 70s, and not because it reads "K-Rock" and frank only plays rock music, not even because i always listened to K-DST while playing GTA san andreas... (yes, that's where i got slow ride from) (btw. did you know the intro to slow ride sounds like someone is fucking the headboard against a wall? yes, that was an intentional choice for the playlist...)

(OK WE GET IT!! ENOUGH ABOUT THE OLD PEOPLE PLAYLIST ALREADY!!)

anyway, all of the above i guess, but also KRCK-FM... has anyone figure it out yet?

i tell you mine if you tell me yours 😏 ... joking, mostly.

major 🫡 you have no idea how happy this ask makes me!

i have to say i’m relatively new to the chuch of mother cain. i think i was somehow aware of her and her music ever since preacher’s daughter came out, but never really listened to her music actively until recently. one of my favorite authors of all time from another fandom is a huge fan of her, and ethel’s music influenced her writing immensely. so one day i sat down and listened to the entirety of preacher’s daughter and i was blown away. not only by her music, but i’m a sucker for her southern gothic aesthetic and when i found about her background and personal story i fell in love with her even more.

and i’m super excited to see her live in concert this summer!

and please! i’m dying to hear your takes too! 🤲

imo crush and fuck me eyes are very roadkill!barty coded, specifically:

if barty is a smoker — which in most of my fics, he is — he always smokes marlboro reds. so i listen to this is from evan’s entirely delulu pov (yeah, right, he fucking loves me UGH!):

about barty his relationship to his parents and his own sexuality:

waco, texas (ironically) screams absolution!rosekiller to me.

especially the part i haven’t even written yet, but the sequel that has been slowly forming in my head: after spending almost a century reunited they break up. it’s messy and ugly and after a while of being seperated they both spiral and self-destruct. surprisingly, evan even more than barty. he’s lost barty before, so why does this hurt so fucking much?

if i ever chose to write a sequel to absolution it’d be set in the 1980s/90s and this would be the exact vibe.

unpunishable is in the playlist i’m listening to while i’m working on a new wip one shot i haven’t talked about yet hehe 🪰 (everybody sins. everybody burns.)

my personal favorites right now are sun bleached flies and pulldrone.

<3

gnihihihi yes! i have this thing while writing (or focusing in general) i sometimes like to to loud hard techno music (i am literally this german cliché) because it calms my brain (yes, my music taste is all over the place) but i digress... i briefly mentioned the idea a while ago here because i saw a holy priest tiktok (he's a masked hard tech dj, listen to his Vielleicht Vielleicht Remix) and apparently my brain shuts off when masked men... so...

anyway, this idea has kind of grown on me and i have written an outline for 13 chapters as of now:

barty works as backend dev who specializes in IT security (booooring i know, stay with me) he's being transferred to berlin (i mean, it has to be the techno capital of the world, i'm sorry) for a 3 month project. he's in charge of fixing the software security issues for some high-profile client.

he starts working, meets his new team (i'm thinking dorcas, lily, james, others...) and his new boss (evan) who is a complete dick, like total asshole, why the hell does he have to make barty's life even harder?! (no pun intended) (but something is definitely hard)

since barty is always so stressed and constantly runs on no sleep and too much caffeine, dorcas has the brilliant idea to drag barty to his very first rave so he can shut off his brain for once in his life. (she might have ulterior motives regarding a certain blonde, butch lesbian dj who will be playing later that night) the dj who is playing first wears a mask and is incredibly fit and covered in tattoos, barty gawks at him from the bar while he gets drunk (and then they end up fucking in the club toilet - oopsie, stress relief, i guess)

now here's the catch: what dear bartemius doesn't get (because he's an idiot) is that his asshole boss rosier, is also a certain underground hardcore techno dj who sucked his dick in a club toilet. (is evan gonna tell him? absolutely not, he's professional.)

obviously barty develops a crush on his boss anyway (because he's self-destructive like that) and casually keeps hooking up with the dj on the side (because he's messy like that)

eventually barty figures it out, evan is not being as professional as he should be and fun things happen...

and last but not least the fic title is obviously from DIE LIEBE KOMMT NICHT AUS BERLIN by Brutalismus 3000

thanks for letting me yap about this again <3

(so in case you're wondering, i was 15 when i created my tumblr, and that was waaay AFTER my personal blog and livejournal era, mind you tumblr was only created in feb 2007)

-- @four-toast

greedy, i like it!

🦝 roadkill

you'll get another snippet from the last chapter featuring dear bartemius...........................................senior:

🐦‍⬛ roadkill b-sides

yeah, i'm thinking of writing a few scenes from other's perspectives e.g. peter in the gas station, that is the i've had in mind mostly. see, the thing is, you only ever get to see barty through evan's eyes and evan through barty's eyes, but maybe they're both not really the way they appear to be. maybe they only see each other this way (because they're both deranged psychopaths, is what they are...) and i think that'd be incredibly funny to get an outside perspective on them. i haven't actually written anything yet, but i might at some point.

i don't think i will publish any cut scenes, though. there were a few different routes i explored for the last chapter, but i usually discard the idea before i get to writing a fully fleshed out scene, so i might just end up talking about alternative endings in a tumblr post after i published the last chapter.

🌊 sleep, reverie, vertigo & drunkenness

this is the title of the "romcom" wedding fic i briefly mentioned here when asked about a fun idea i had but didn't finish writing.

you'll get a mood board:

and a snippet from the first chapter, because today i feel generous like that:

💔 twenty-twelve

this is the idea i mentioned here: a story based on the friend group i was in in 2012, and i still don't know if I'll actually end up writing it, because i cringe thinking about how stupidly heart broken i was at 20 years old and i'd have to revisit that (a lot 💀). however, other stories from that time are extremely funny.

it would be multi-pov and multi-ship (and that stresses me out) and it would span over an entire year (lets see how much cheating and break ups and hookups and relationships can happen in a single year to a group of around 20 people shall we?)

here's a relationship map I made (yes, it's intentional that nothing is readable)

👁️ ultra-violent horrorshow

a clockwork orange is probably one of my FAVORITE!!! movies of ALL TIME and alex delarge is one of my favorite characters ever.

(was i waaay too young the first time i watched it? probably, yes. have i watched it about a hundred times since and even wrote an entire movie analysis about it? yes, twice actually, once in highschool once for uni. did alex fuck up my perception of deeply disturbed fictional man? oh absofuckinlutely, he's babygirl.)

so, i'm kinda obligated i'd love to write something inspired by aco at some point, but i haven't actually put much thought into it yet, except that i wouldn't want to do a rewrite of it, because the weirdness of it all is already so brilliant.

so probably different setting, similar themes, lots of ultra-violence, barty as alex and a bit of the good old ludwig van.

aah it's gonna be real horroshow and the dove will be so fucking dead, my little droogies.

here's a forehead spit for you for letting me yap about this 🥰 (i'm howling and barking at the way he slowly opens his eyes and smirks. it's making me completely feral. i need someone to do that do dear bartemius religiously in every single universe)(oh yeah and the fact he's all beaten up and bloody in a corner also helps...)(but you see the vision, right???)

🥀 wilted flowers

this would be my take on barty/lily/evan and for now it's just a few plot ideas and notes on their characterizations but not much more.

it's very loosely based on the relationship triangle between dean, rory and jess in gilmore girls (and by loosely i mean very loosely, because i hate dean as a character with every fibre of my being), and i always wondered what would've happened if dean and jess had just kissed instead of fighting over rory (can't be bothered to read dean/jess fan fiction, though....)

they'd be older, evan and lily are in a long-term relationship and lily starts developing feelings for barty (and maybe evan just wants to fuck a guy 🤷). i'd probably need to get a bit more inspiration for this first (huh, thinking very hard about rewatching chasing amy right now...)

oh and wilted flowers, because lilies and roses and barty, the killer… because when flowers die, they wilt… (no mcd tag in this one though, promise!) they end up as a throuple, obviously. (i'll fight to make this their shipname)

now, doc, or may i call you toasty? what's it gonna be? hm? maybe i'll promise to write one of those next, if you give me more of captain rosier first, huh? well, well, well how the turntables! 🔪