#nontraditionalwedding

Non-Traditional Wedding Tips

My wife and I talked one night a few months before we were engaged and both admitted we had been Google-ing the same thing, “a non-traditional wedding”. 

We were of the same mind that we wanted to do more than a courthouse wedding, eloping while attractive for some reasons didn’t feel right for others and a big wedding with lots of meaningless traditional elements was not what we wanted.

Every situation and two people are different, I understand. However, I do think that as a couple you can powerfully choose a mixture of being true to yourselves, honoring some of what your families’ wishes are and saying no to a lot of “you should” or “you have to” opinions that you wish to reject for a variety of reasons. 

I write this in part to release permission to have a voice that insists on the ideas you have in mind; tempered with the humility to agree to concede in other planning areas you deem not essential but to which agreement satisfies other people’s wishes whose unity and support you deem essential.

This is a bit of our journey to creating what worked for us, what we cared about and what we didn’t care about in the planning and execution of our wedding. 

We thought questions out-loud like: 

-  What’s the smallest wedding we can do without alienating or angering our families? 

-  Are there any wedding traditions that matter to us?

-  How do we mark the shift in our relationship without losing focus on the marriage ahead?

-  Why have a wedding at all?

-  Is planning a minimal wedding possible?

-  What would we do if perception and other people’s opinions were not in the equation?

We were finding agreement in what we didn’t want at first but finding what we did want took some time to discover. Some things we agreed NO on were:

A Large Wedding (To us, over 100 people)

A Tent (Ugly, in our opinion)

Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, Best Man or Maid-Of-Honor

Traditional Dances (Father/Daughter, Mother/Son, etc.)

Chairs for Ceremony

A Long Ceremony

A Tuxedo for Groom

A Veil for Bride

Serving a Steak or Chicken Dinner

Anything Overly Ornate, Fancy, Rehearsed or Out of the Ordinary for Us

Some ways we did achieve a non-traditional wedding were:

Early Start: 9A

Outdoor Ceremony in a field with no chairs, just a natural aisle between two groups of people

Coffee Bar with a Barista for our Guests to Enjoy When They Arrived 

Breakfast at a Diner that was exclusive to us and our 30 guests 

Choosing Ceremony and Reception Venues Where There Have Been Very Few Weddings

Choosing Vendors That Don’t Typically Do Weddings; so our photographer,  videographer, chef, etc. were not going through the motions or we weren’t the 30th Saturday in a row that they were working a wedding

Choosing Not to Have Music or Dancing at the Reception

A Forest Green Suit for myself (the groom) - see photo at top of the post

Choosing to Have Fresh Green Juice for Mimosas

Asking the Chef to Source Ingredients from Local Farms As Much As Possible including Salad with Edible Flowers - see photo above

Choosing Not to Have Table or Seat Assignments. We served a breakfast buffet and the diner put tables together to create two long tables in the dining room.

Choosing Not to Have Flowers or Centerpieces on the Tables at the Reception

No Bouquet Toss 

No Cake Cutting or Cake Mushing in the Face

Our Theme Was Minimal and We Achieved That For the Most Part

A Short Engagement (11 weeks exactly from proposal to wedding)

We weren’t devoid of all tradition though and here are some traditional things we decided To include:

Vows (our officiant had simple, standard ones that we simply said,” I do.” in response to)

Toasts (our moms spoke 10 minutes into breakfast and 3 friends spoke during dessert.)

Communion (during the ceremony the officiant prayed with us and we shared bread and wine) - see photo below

Processional (we had a solo cellist play a song we both like for my wife to enter the field with her parents by her side)

A Flower Bouquet (my wife carried a bouquet of flowers with her during her procession)

Bride and Groom Table at Reception (we sat with our parents at a table that was separate from the two larger tables)

Portraits (we took portraits with family and friends for 30 minutes at the reception)

A Get-Away Car (we exited the ceremony in a rented car that was a bit cooler than the one we own and drive everyday)

I hope that gives you some inspiration, ideas or confidence to follow through on some non-traditional plans you and your partner may have as you plan your wedding.

And I should mention that months later after getting married, we still receive feedback that the wedding experience really stood out and was meaningful to people, for what that’s worth. Even a guest who is a professional wedding planner in New York was complimentary about the "simple elegance" of the day.

Feel free to comment with questions and let me know if you care to hear more about the planning process as I could touch upon topics like guest list management, dealing with your own wedding emotions and that of your family, researching venues, etc.

I hope you have the best marriage and a day that kicks it off in style!