#nogluten

a fluffy tahini chai cake with labneh icing and blood orange, rosewater & wild blueberry droplets. the perfect cake for ur blood moon sacrifices, or for when ur just feeling a lil bit evil and cunty!

<3 lil sweetie

cake 

ingredients:

3 eggs

1 cup greek yogurt

½ cup sugar

3 tbsp tahini

1 tbsp vanilla

1 ½ cups almond flour

½ tsp baking soda

½ tsp baking powder

2-3 tsp cardamom 

2-3 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp cloves

1 tsp nutmeg

½ tsp ground ginger

a few pinches of salt

a few grinds of black pepper

1 chai tea bag

directions: preheat oven to 325 degrees. grease a 9in cake pan.  in a bowl, combine eggs, yogurt, sugar, tahini, and vanilla. whip it good!! add almond flour slowly to prevent clumps. add baking soda and powder, and allllllll the spices. open the chai tea bag and sift the tea leaves through a fine strainer into the batter. pour into cake pan  bake for 25-30min, or until a toothpick comes out clean. when done, cool in fridge or on countertop

icing:

ingredients:

5 oz plain goat cheese (laura chenel makes a really great one!)

2 tbsp labneh (a soft, tangy middle-eastern kefir cheese - you can can sub greek yogurt)

½ - 1 cup powdered sugar (to taste)

directions: whip labneh and goat cheese, then add powdered sugar slowly and whip until smooth.

droplets:

ingredients:

6 blood oranges

⅓ cup wild blueberry jam (bonne maman makes a delicious one and they also are anti-Nazi…..yes, we’re obsessed! you can also sub any fruity jam you like)

half lemon

1 cap-full of rosewater extract (or a lil more if ur feeling it)

1 tsp cornstarch

water

directions:

juice the blood oranges and pour the juice into a saucepan.

add the blueberry jam, squeeze the half-lemon in there, and add the rosewater extract. 

in a separate bowl, make a cornstarch slurry by mixing the cornstarch into some water (a few spoonfuls is fine!), then pour the slurry into the saucepan.

bring to a boil, then simmer until syrupy.

remove from heat and pour into bowl to cool.

it’s ready when it’s the texture of thick jam or gooey blood :)

assemble the cake:

{tobi}

“welcome to the Bread bank, we sell bread, we sell loafs, we got bread on deck, bread on the floor TOASTED ROAST- 

[baku]

stfu listen i just need a baguette and a brioche 

{tobi}

we don’t have either of those you can get the gluten free white bread the potato bread  

[baku]

wtf is gluten? take that shit out

{tobi}

its gluten free..

[baku]

idc if it’s free

{tobi}

swear on ur fuckin YEEZYS if you wanna fight we gon fight 

[baku]

u tryna be on worldstar? 

{tobi}

wut you gon record it?

[baku]

ye i got my dollar store camera ON 

(manager)

what’s the fuckin situation~?

[baku]

what. the. fuck. do u want?

(manager)

i’m the mf MANAGER

[baku]

at the bread store?

(manager)

BREAD

[baku]

tell him. to take. the mf gluten. out of the bread.

(manager)

ima need you to shut that bullshit up chief 

we cant take shit out the bread

[baku]

why put it in the first place

i know yall smoking that pack

(manager)

we got crackers.....no gluten

[baku]

fuck crackers

{tobi}

its gluten free

u want the gluten or nah

[baku]

hell no

you better take the gluten out that damn shit

(manager)

look we got whole wheat 

gluten free

texas toast 

gluten free

TORTILLA

[baku]

fuckalldat

what bitch ass country are ya’ll from

where they got this bullshit at?

(manager)

Florida  

[baku]

i knew it 

{tobi}

look u can either take this yeast

or i’m calling the police

[baku]

i’m going weast

(manager)

nah dont call the police i got a warrant 

[baku]

honestly fuck yall

i ain’t never seen nobody act like this over no bread

(manager)

what the fuck are you saying

[baku]

all im saying is

fuck yalls bread

fuck the gluten

and fuck them crackers

{tobi}

but the crackers don’t have gluten

[baku]

ill take those 

{tobi}

ok thats gonna be five dollars-

[baku]