#no difference

I'm not actually English.

You can’t fool me…

Welcome back Neal the Eel 🫡💦

Waterboy (Dispatch 2025)

Underneath all those scars is the same precious beautiful child 💗

basically all I could think off during the final revelation in 'Knives Out' hahahah

Masterlist here! Thank you for reading through the Three Realms Archive!

Summary/Details: The House of Lamentation's actual puppy becomes jealous of one of the brothers' puppy-like behaviour. Comedy and fluff. Also Lucifer being done, but that's a given with this series.

Beel is Pillow | Beel is Paint | Beel is Anime | Beel is Burger

___

There are two groups lurking in the House of Lamentation’s common room tonight. On one side of this hallowed place of gathering is the Avatar of Pride, highest-ranked Ruler of the Underworld, perching in a gilded armchair fit for his status. Reading glasses balance delicately on the bridge of his nose and he raises his fingertip to his lips to give the gentlest lick; before turning over a page of the report in his lap. Under his other hand, one of the heads of the House’s loyal guard dog keeps diligent watch.

Lucifer briefly glances up from his work, following the gaze of the other, two heads of Cerberus with mild curiosity.

On the opposite side of the room, something very different - and a lot less elegant - is happening.

“Awwwwwww, Beel…!” You coo, ruffling Beelzebub’s hair and placing a big, exaggerated smooch on his cheek. The difference between your human-y size and Beel’s hulking build is significant - even more so when the demon is curled up (as best he can) in your arms like a precious baby. You cup his chin, rubbing - as if petting him. The head in your hands gives you a big, goofy smile and a happy hum. You coo again, one hand hovering over a stack of cookies on a nearby table; the other squishing his cheeks. “Do you want fifths?”

The demon’s eyes light up.

“Yeth, pweath.”

A chorus of throaty, pitiful whines come from Cerberus; who looks at the scene with its heads hung low. Slowly, one head turns to Lucifer, groaning in a request for comfort. Instead, the head is met with the exasperated click of Lucifer’s tongue.

“Don’t be silly. MC still adores you.” He says simply, returning to his diligent page-turning. “Give it a week or so and I’m sure they’ll agree to feeding you again. If you stay on your best behaviour.”

Cerberus’ heads look unconvinced, all now intensely focused back on you and Beel - who has rolled over so that his entire body is sprawled out on the couch, stomach facing up. Drunk on your unbridled affection, Beel’s hands reach out to pull your face closer, and you pepper a barrage of pecks, smooches and kisses all over his face. The size difference makes the whole ordeal look near-comical, but it’s still enough to make Cerberus’ head droop lower in jealous sorrow.

Lucifer looks up from his work again. He hears Cerburus whimper pathetically and Beel giggle like a schoolgirl (something about how human kisses tickle).

… Avatar of Sin and Hound of Hell, indeed. For his own reputation, he is thankful none of this is happening in public.

Lucifer sighs when the hound’s slobbering mouths come closer; quickly placing both the document and his glasses on a nearby coffee table to avoid the dredge of dog slobber - and accepting the usual fate of never being allowed any peace in his own home.

“Enough of that,” he snaps, gently pushing its wet muzzles away from the papers. “It’s clear MC still needs time to forgive your transgression from yesterday.”

A whine from the left head.

“Well, that’s what happens when you eat someone’s homework the day before it’s due. They stayed up all night because of you.”

A sniffle from the right head.

“No, MC does not think Beel is a ‘better boy’ than you. What does that even mea - he’s a demon, not a hellhound.”

The centre head growls, nudging against its companions in a determined show of rallying. Lucifer straightens in his seat; the velvet lining suddenly very itchy and uncomfortable.

“MC is not ‘replacing you’. Again - Beel isn’t even a - wait - what are you -“

...

For Lucifer, the rest of the night plays out in an instant. Pillows are torn apart and a common room is destroyed. Five, other demons come running through the door shouting at full volume. A voice shouts the word ‘stay’ - and his body is slammed against the floor.

… And dreams. The simple dreams of a simple demon for a silent evening… are no more.

___

(.............. another Beel short! after agesssssssssssssssss!)

(Lucifer never gets any rest in any of my writing, sorry my guy - but i really think we should be getting more about the crows, goldfish, three-headed dog and literal sea monster in obey me, i don't want them to just be cute iconography - i wanna know how they actually fit into the lives of the characters!)