I have been in the non duality community for a while since around the start of this year. I would still call myself relatively new, so I do apologize if my question is more or so just fulfilling my anxious ego. I hope you still don't mind answering my question because this has been bothering me for quite some time and you're possibly the only person that I know who can break this down for me in simple terms.
My character knows that everything is an illusion: desires, pain, suffering, experiences, etc. The only reason why my character suffers is because it takes and tunnel visions the "negative" illusions as true. However, "I" did realize that my character tends to forget the non duality teachings (as "I" used to be part of the loa community for quite many years) and spiral and continue to take these illusions as truth. "I" do know that my character forgetting the teachings does not harm Awareness at all since even the idea of forgetting is an appearance. However, my character is getting rather tired of falling into these "negative" appearances. "I" guess "I" just don't know what to do. Technically there is nothing that is stopping "me" from experiencing something "positive", but my character usually finds more "truth" in the "negative" ones and "I" don't know how to stop it.
I hope my ask doesn't confuse you too much and if I did I sincerely apologize. Is it alright if I ask you further questions if I still have any after reading your reply? If it's not too much of a bother! Thank you :) <3
You've made some contradictions (knowingly) and then corrected yourself in the text, you commentate on the behaviour 'you' exhibit but then, remind yourself of fact, which i'm willing to bet is a mental habit you are trying to instill into your brain. "I know that my character forgetting the teachings does not harm Awareness at all since even the idea of forgetting is an appearance." this is right, yet you then go on to still cling to what you know is only imagined. Your 'issue' stems from placing more weight into what 'you' feel. You know the facts and you attempt to remind yourself to live by them (which you dont have to, there is no specific way you need to operate because it is all under the same lens, it's like pouring water into the ocean) Don't be upset or disappointed with yourself for this, it isn't that absurd of a circumstance, some fall into 'habits' they struggle to break out of. Some 'people' need to reverse engineer things; You said this thought has a tendency to believe the 'negative'. Have you figured out why? You know that there is no negative as there is no positive, so what makes 'you' cling to one over the other when they're both illusions? Better yet, why do you have to stop it? You don't have to do anything, you know this, I know you do, but i think you don't feel that's enough, I think you still feel that you need to maintain a structure.
Who is the one who is feeling this way? Who is thinking this way? Who is making this narrative? Thought. The obvious answer is to drop the idea that you are it, just do, you have no standard to live up to. If you find that difficult, then i suggest that whenever one of these thoughts come up, question them, inquire as to who is asking them, if they actually impact who you truly are. Take away identifiers you still have " ", take away " " and you'll find it isn't possible.
feel free to ask anything ^^ <3