#no actually

Anyway Damian would hate having a soulmate. They leave drawings and words on his skin without his permission, he can never get rid of them, and they make his mother stare whenever they become visible during his training. His mother quickly starts instructing him to mark out anything that appears on his skin, covering anything from doodles to small notes with a black marker. It works for a little while.

Then they stop entirely. No drawings, no notes, not even inkmarks along his fingers. There is nothing he can do to stop the sickening feeling as his mother assures him that it likely means they are dead(“It’s Lucky” She says, like she didn’t just tell him the person made for him is gone). It’s four months before a stray mark appears on his hand. It’s four months that make him decide not to say anything about it at all.

Any marks that fade into his skin are gone within minutes. By the time he is introduced to his father he’s used to it, the small glimpses before the mistake ink is scrubbed clean. Early in his stay his father asks him about soulmates. All his says is that his has been dead for years.

(Damian pretends he doesn’t see Grayson freeze at his words, doesn’t see how Drake looks at him with pity, it won’t change what he did with nothing but a marker and his mothers word)

Maybe thats why he began to paint. So maybe his soulmate, his other half, would see the colors and draw along the stains(they never do). It takes him taking the mantle to realize why it never worked. After all pigment on the skin is nothing like ink soaked into it. So he starts blacking out his eyes like Grayson showed him and lets Robin take up those loose thoughts.

Robin is nothing like how he thought. It’s free and bright and nothing like how he was taught. It is nothing like Damian. It gives him a thought. Maybe if Damian can’t have a soulmate Robin can. The thought stays for longer than it is welcome.

Damian stares at the little spot of ink on his knuckles, knowing it will be gone once his other half sees it. Robin tells Superboy about how his soulmate used to draw, how he used to trace the lines with his fingers. Damian paints and hopes the ink will show through. Robin asks to use pen for his mission reports, to think of them he says. Robin tells victims of his colorful soulmate, to give them something bright to see. Damian is still looking at that speck and fighting the urge to take his brush to ink, use something he knows will show up rather than might.

Grayson says he is becoming a real Robin. Damian thinks it’s just an excuse. He could never be a real Robin after all, not when he knows he is the only one that killed his soulmate connection singlehandedly. Some days he thinks his mother would be proud. Some days that thought makes him sick to his stomach.

One day he cracks. A small inkmark had stayed on his wrist for almost the entire day. He can’t tell if he wants to cry or tear it off of his skin and when Todd asks him what’s wrong he just- breaks. Tells him everything. How his soulmate isn’t dead, how their silence is his fault, what his mother told him, how any proof he gets they are still there makes him weak.

And Todd just listens. Then tells him to write. Not on paper but on his skin, explain how he feels(as stupid as it sounds) and that he hopes they are okay. It’s dumb, a waste of time and ink, but Damian can’t help but conceder the idea. It would never be that simple, not for him. He leaves after telling Jason Todd that he would consider it.

It’s a few weeks until he see’s Todd next. He comes with a new pack of pens.

They start being tucked into Damian’s pockets. He hates them.

Grayson noticed and there is always a pen nearby whenever he needs it.

One in his pouch on patrol.

One in his coat pocket.

One tucked into his sketchbook holding his page.

On his desk.

In his hands.

Until-

He starts to write neatly along his wrist.

Hello

Nothing more.

It only takes an hour

Hi

And a response is right below

—

I love Damian but he’s messed up and thinks he’s a weapon. He deserves better. Also he is the only Robin to not feel entirely separate from his version of Robin to me and I think thats important. He is always himself even when he thinks he isn’t. He’s also speed running emotional intelligence give him a break, he doesn’t know how it works. Anyway I adore him and used to make myself cry with this idea when I was younger.

Absolute Batman #9