#nicetxt

U know. In highschool I really felt this impending doom of what happens after graduation. I was so scared with anxiety, so unsure and so scared of the world I just grabbed onto the first comforting thing I was told. That’s going to college. N I went with it. I feel like while I didn’t go to school for me, I was going because I felt the pressure of needing to get it done. I wasn’t really ?? I dunno! Going for a particular reason. I got my associates in studio arts for transfer and I told myself I want to be an animator I want to be a story board artist etc etc. but I never made any solid plans outside of that. It was this fever dream I had not because it was dumb and unrealistic I just could not figure out how to get there, I convinced myself it would fall into place eventually! When it came time to transfer I tried to get into a school I didn’t get into when I was going in highschool. And I didn’t get in again. But TO BE HONEST I don’t know if I even wanted to go to that school? It was a school that had a cheap animation internship? But like idk nothing abt campus, off campus life. I dunno! Then I went to a uc I hated and got rlly rlly depressed and suicidal. I finished the first semester. Came back home and I really felt defeated I was 20 at the time and sadly enough I thought that was it lmaoooooo I got therapy and I feel like I rlly found myself for the first time ? I worked through a major trauma in my life I had just been ignoring for?? My entire life I dunno I feel like I’m still working on healing from it. I don’t know what I want out of life yet but I know I want to stop hating and beating myself up for not knowing yet! I am widdle and I feel the best I’ve been in a long time? Like ya I still have my days but I feel epic as hell