#nfc north

NFL is broken into two organisations — The AFC and the NFC. They are then broken down into four regional divisions — each division has four teams. Teams from both the AFC and NFC will play each other throughout the season, but we also have divisional games, where you play the other teams within your division.

Bengals are in AFC North — AFC North consists of, the Cincinnati Bengals, the Cleveland Browns, the Baltimore Ravens, and the Shittsburgh Steelers. We play each of our divisional rivals twice in order to make a ranking within the division, which — on top of overall ranking — determines placement in the play-offs (which not every team gets into, as the season comes to a close, teams with lowest wins are eliminated.)

We always tend to struggle divisionally, so it’s good to have a preliminary look at the non-divisional teams we’ll play, be they other AFC teams or NFC teams. Some of the teams we have this season (i.e. Carolina Panthers, Denver Broncos, Tennessee Titans, etc.) are DOG ASS TEAMS ‼️‼️‼️ We should be able to cinch easy wins from those teams — but never say that out loud, because the Bengals have a habit of ‘bungling’ things up.

On the other hand, we also have some absolutely cracked teams in our schedule (i.e. Philly Eagles, Dallas Cowboys, and regrettably, the Kansas City Chiefs). These will be hard teams to beat, especially the Chiefs, because they’re the NFL’s baby pretty princess special boo boo ga ga team who can do no wrong. The game is scripted in their favour I swear to God. BUT it’s been done. We’ve been known to give those skanks a thrashing.

See, the Bengals are a bipolar team if ever there was one. We either wipe the floor with ‘em, or get absolutely barebacked and humiliated on live television for several weeks straight. We always start bad with even records but tend to climb up the winning ladder the closer to the end we get. Joe Burrow — our Quarterback — also has this cute little habit of getting season-ending injuries every fucking season. He also got a big pay check last year so he’s been playing like total ass. Jake Browning is our second Quarterback and he did an ace job last year for it being his first professional season. Evan McPhearson is our kicker and he’s my favourite. I want him.

If u would like to be a Bengal Freak like me, here are three tenants to follow to keep the spirit of the game alive in your soul:

1. KEEP THAT WHO DEY KITTY IN YOUR HEART !! (Who Dey is both our mascot and our signature chant) When you got the Who Dey on a Game Dey? You can conquer the world. First tenant — Be glad that we’re here.

2. Never say you think we’re going to win a game. It attaches some evil Pharaoh’s curse onto that week of football and we will lose. Even if it’s Q3 and the game only has 15 minutes of playtime left and we are up by multiple TD’s, do not say that we have it in the bag. Do not say we are gonna thrash their hides. Second tenant — If the Bengals can Bungle it, assume that they will.

3. We have enemies. But we also have friends. But more importantly we have enemies. The Chiefs — despite not being a division rival — are a team we are sworn against. Fuck those guys, we all hate ‘em no matter what team you support. Remember them as the key villain of the sport, and revel in their downfall whenever you can, just know that it never lasts long. Division teams are sworn to hatred — the Ravens, Browns, and Steelers all suck — but especially the Steelers. Remember to save all your hatred for those towel-wiping shit squealing Steelers. On the brighter side, the Buffalo Bills are our friends. We have done good things for each other over the past half-a-decade. We’ve got each other into play-offs via score manipulation, we’ve respected one another through very serious injuries, and we send each other food when our teams win. You will see Bengals fans touting them as our friends forever. We love the Bills Mafia. We are in a romantic relationship with the Bills Mafia. The Dolphins, Lions, and 49ers are also our chums! Third Tenant — Root for our rivals, and kill our enemies.