#newyearresolute

I am sorry I haven’t been on this blog (or my other religious blog!) as much as I would really want to. This blog was supposed to be for my poems, self-created gifs, thoughts, book reviews and some random stuff. But, it’s just that I have been going through a lot for such a long time. And because of how life has engaging me with other things, I was not able to focus on my writing or my insights on religion. First of all, I am almost graduating college and it is going to be my last semester (YAY!) and I am planning to apply for grad school. So there is good stuff I am awaiting for and I am putting in work into my education. 

But, ever since my last post-- A LOT OF THINGS CHANGED. A lot of people think that my life has been easy. That I only have to study and don’t need to work at the same time like other people (Which is a blessing). And a lot of people look up to me that I am a confident person who has things always going my way. But this is such a wrong idea to be thinking about anyone because nobody knows how much struggle that person has gone through to get to where they are. How many sleepless nights, anxious thoughts and getting back up they had to do to get that grade, or to get the confidence that they have in themselves now. Life is not an easy breeze for anyone and I think no one should be in that perception about others just because they do not see the struggle behind all of those smiles. For me, a lot changed in a year. My parents left for India and I am starting to live on my own for the first time. That means, I have to take care of myself, my food, my studies, etc. everything on my own for the first time. Because of issues with adjusting in the beginning, I had moved 3 times because of the crazy roommate situations I dealt with. I also had my student visa application rejected when it was MY LAST SEMESTER and I had to go back to India. That was an emotional rollercoaster for me. While dealing with actually living alone and being independent-- I learnt a few hard lessons in finding who my real friends are and who are not (honestly most of them I hardly talk to). And also, because of feeling lonely and a lack of structure compared to how it used to be, I started having trouble sleeping, anxiety issues and other health problems.

But I want to say that despite all of this, I was able to get support from my true friends who stuck around. And I am in a much better place now. I have a really good place to live where my roommates are amazing. I did get my student visa back. I am finally graduating and moving on the next step. And I am getting the hang of being independent, despite my feelings of loneliness at times. I am also attempting to start my own Youtube channel with one of my close friend! (Check out: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIVQNwz-6LxJZDEZyR2Qstg)  And with all of this, I also want to focus on my writing more than I did! Despite everything that happened, I have not given up on life and I want to see the positive things in the way life as taught me lessons, took some things away from me and gave some of them back to me. So I am very grateful for the struggle and I do not want to underestimate it or let anyone underestimate it by saying that I had an easy life! 

Now that things have calmed down a bit, I want to keep goals for myself that I will focus more on blogging-- which means posting more here and my other blog, my Instagram Book Photography page and my Youtube channel that I newly created. I want to focus on my writing and creative expression as well. Which is a struggle for me to have when I have a thousand assignments to do for school. So, now since I don’t have that pressure anymore, I think I will be able to do things better and be consistent. 

So, I want to say that if you feel like you’re going through a dump in your life, I want to encourage you to hang on there and stay strong! Life is tough and will give you many challenges. But as time goes on, life goes on and things WILL GET BETTER. And if it isn’t then, there must be a reason. There must be something that life wants to teach you and you should just take a deep breath and not get overwhelmed. Once that’s done, you try to find a solution with a calm head. Being calm is so important and with anxiety, I am learning to keep calm. If you’re someone going through this, then I think this post is a sign for you.