#newgeneration

You needed a date. The christmas party was in a week and you needed help. No one appealed to you, no one has ever appealed to you except for Regulus and you know how that is. So you needed to get rid of your feelings for him and you needed help.

You were sitting beside Rose in the library. Your leg was bouncing up and down and every few minutes you would open your mouth to say something but then you would change your mind. “Spit it out.” Rose said sharply. She put her quill down and intertwined her fingers, placing them in front of her.

“I need a date.”

“Do you like someone?” She asked, her eyebrows quirked. You blushed at the thought of Regulus but then you shook your head. Rose saw right through this and said “Who is it?” Her smile was huge.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shrugged your shoulders looking away from her.

“Bullshit.”

“He doesn’t like me, alright? And even if he did there is no way that I can be with him. So I need to get rid of my feelings and find a date.” You said, looking at your potions book for what felt like the first time. Did we even take this? You thought.

“Your love life is bullshit.” She said, eyes wide.

“Yeah well not all of us can have a Romeo and Juliet arc with Mr. Malfoy.” She blushed at your statement and started to give you options and ideas.

 ***

You looked down at a list of names for potential dates which you would have to go through in order to find a decent one.

Regulus watched as you fiddled with your fingers. He noticed you did that when you were nervous or just deep in thought about something serious. He watched as you looked at a piece of parchment. “What’s that?” He asked, trying to take a look at the parchment.

You looked between the parchment and him then you grabbed it, holding it to your chest. “It’s nothing.”

“Liar.” Your lips pouted and you looked so adorable that butterflies flew all around Regulus’ stomach. He had been thinking about you lately, more than he usually did. He could just simply ask for your hands and watch a confused facial expression take over your face.

However, he didn’t know how but he ended up talking to James about love. He told him that he should enjoy the fall as much as possible and the feeling of being in love because even if you suffer in the end, it’ll be worth it.

James didn’t assume why Regulus would want to know these types of things, because as far as everyone was concerned he died without falling in love and he never will. They were wrong to a certain extent; he did die without falling in love but when he did die, he fell in love with you.

He would enjoy the fall, or rather the feeling of falling in love. He wants to make you laugh so he tries to see that smile of yours and he hopes that he could be the reason for your smile.

“Well, it’s a list. Rose made it for me.” You explained, shyly. He could tell you were slightly embarrassed about the list from the way your cheeks started to flush but that only made him more curious about the contents of the list.

“What’s it for?” He moved two chairs to the right, two chairs nearer to you.

“Well, it’s a list of dates…” You said nervously, then added “For Slughorn’s Christmas Party.”

Regulus froze, he didn’t want you to go on any dates. Luckily for him, you never went on any dates. The feeling of jealousy filled his body as he looked -glared- at the piece of paper that was filled with names of people, who he was sure could never be good enough for you. He got an idea.

“Alright, say the names. I’ll help you." He placed both his hands together and turned to face you completely. He ignored the way you were surprised and he hummed for you to start listing the names.

“So, uh Zabini.”

“No.” Like hell he was going to let you go out with someone like him. He would ruin you completely and he wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Why?”

“He has a pug face like his mother.” He said harshly. His conscience has been long gone for a long time. He was lying as far as good looking guys went. He was a good looking guy, but he wasn’t going to tell you that he didn’t want him to ruin you.

“That’s mean.” You huffed.

“Next.”

“Umm...Nott.” Your eyes skimmed the paper until you found his name. You were already eliminating options for the list Rose made as if you would go out with the son of your mother’s ex boyfriend. You would have a death wish with your father.

“I think Nott.” He internally cringed as he said that. It was a desperate attempt to make you laugh. He felt his stomach bubble with the angry feeling that Fred makes puns all the time and you can’t stop laughing at those so why wouldn’t you laugh at his.

Your face turned cold as you registered the awful pun. You retorted, “That was weak.”

You saw a blush start to appear on Regulus’ neck. He cleared his throat and said “Next.”

“McLaggen.” Even though his father was a total douche, he could make a good date. He wasn’t completely bad looking, you had to admit that.

“Over my dead body.” Regulus said, his voice rising in volume. He couldn’t believe that he would even be considered to be put on the list. He shook his head feverishly until he registered your laughter, only then did he release what he said. You bit your lip trying to control your laughter and his lips’ corners tugged up slightly when he said “Next.”

“Longbottom?” If you had to pick anyone off of this list it would probably be him. It would be weird going out with your herbology teacher’s son but Frank was cute. Not to mention the kindest living guy you have ever met.

Regulus saw that he was the last name on the list. He could just tell you to not go and spend time with him, but that wouldn’t be fair to you. You needed to go spend time with people who were alive and you could actually be with and have fun. This time, he didn’t have any stupid excuse for why you shouldn’t go out with Longbottom. His voice cracked just as his heart did when he said “Are you sure you’d want to go with him?”

“He’s a great guy.” You shrugged.

“Okay. I see no reason why.” He watched you study. Then he watched as Frank -as if he had read your mind- came to find you and ask you to the Christmas party, and he watched as you agreed with a wide smile on your face.

 ***

You couldn’t focus, you couldn’t focus at all. You were fixing your formal outfit for the party, and you were in front of the mirror. You were in love with Regulus, not Frank.

Frank is a great guy but he wasn’t Regulus. He was the only guy that you wanted and that gave you an overwhelming sense of guilt. The only way you thought that you could get rid of this feeling in your chest is by confessing. You knew Regulus didn’t like you back, in your head, how could he? If you told him you loved him and he rejected you. Your heart wouldn’t let you have hope because you would have an answer.

Frank was waiting for you under the stairs as he said he would. When you walked down the stairs Frank was standing there in a tux, making him look more handsome than usual. His face brightened when he saw you walking down the stairs, and your face flushed at the attention. When you reached him, he kissed your hand.

The gesture was kind and thoughtful, but it didn't make your heart skip. You pursed your lips and admitted, “I didn’t think you’d ask me to the party.”

“Why?” His face darkened and you knew he was getting slightly insecure. “Did not want to come with me-”

You shook your head quickly and you grabbed his hands. “No no no. I was going to ask you before you asked me actually. I just didn’t think I was your type.”

Regulus was watching this entire interaction from afar. Other people couldn’t see him but you could and you were the person who mattered to him. He narrowed his eyes at Frank trying to find a flaw in him to validate his hate for him.

He saw you walking towards him and he spun on his heels, rushing away from you. You walked quicker towards him, “Regulus!” You shouted towards him, you were far from the groups of people so no one could hear you shout a name in the air.

You both reached a secluded corridor when he finally stopped and he looked at you. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

He nodded for you to continue. He watched you hesitate for a while before you blurted out “I love you.”

He resisted the urge to open his mouth in shock. His heart was accelerating and he opened his mouth to say something. If he could touch you, he would’ve just kissed you.

“But, I know you never even thought of me that way. So this is just… well it’s- I mean that Rose told me that if I wanted to get rid of my feelings I should just say it and I know you don’t like me back. So I thought it was a good opportunity to move on...Sorry, I didn’t let you say anything.” You rambled, and you fidgeted slightly.

Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you shifted awkwardly, waiting for his reply, getting more anxious by the second. You really hope that you hadn't just ruined you friendship.

Regulus gulped and then thought. You liked- loved him. Merlin, you loved him! He couldn’t be with you and he had to let you go so you can let go. He would hate to be the reason why you didn’t live your life because of the false hope he was giving you. It wasn’t completely false considering that he loved you so so much, but considering that one of you is alive and the other isn’t; he couldn’t see a way you could both be together.

He looked into your eyes and he could still see a shred of hope, who knew he would have to break your heart to save it. He couldn’t look you in the eye, so he looked to the floor.

“You’re right. I don’t like you. You should probably get back to Frank, you’re his date after all.” He replied, coldly. He wanted to smack himself, there were so many ways he could've phrased that better. Damn his parents for never teaching him how to communicate.

He didn’t want to do this tonight, he knew this would happen eventually but why tonight. You were supposed to be having fun but you’re here spilling your heart out to him and for you, he can’t even tell you how much he adores you and worships the ground you walk on.

The thing that hurt him the most was the way you left, but not before saying a broken, "Oh."

Your eyes burned. You expected this, why the hell did it hurt as if you just found out? It was delusional to think that he would ever like you. He probably thinks that you're just a friend, or worse, just a kid. You knew it would've never worked, but the few stray tears kept dripping from your eyes as you made your way back to the party.

You wiped the tears that had escaped your eyes and you entered the party. Frank greeted you with a wide smile that you tried to return but it didn’t reach your eyes. He says, “I was starting to think you ditched me.”

“I wouldn’t Frank you’re too much of a good person for me to do that.” You said. You tried to push the negative thoughts aside and pay attention to the great guy that you’re with right now, whose face was flushing at your comment.

“What’s wrong?” Frank asked in concern as he assessed your face longer. Frank was always so perceptive, even Professor Longbottom who could spot a student having a bad day from a mile away. The trait must run in the family.

You were surprised that he could read you so well even though you hadn’t even spent that much time together in the first place. Your eyes began to sting and Frank ushered you away from prying eyes.

He sat you down on one of the window seats and he sat in front of you on his knees. He grabbed your hands and he tried to comfort you. He didn’t know what was making you sad but he didn’t want it to make you sad anymore.