#new things

It has been a while since I have been here and it has been a while since life has felt worth talking about. No weight of stupid assignments which could actually change overnight, by that I mean, tomorrow. Or precisely 8 hours. But that is not important. The important fact is that I had the grainy sand underneath my feet, ocean waves crashing against it and I found a mother of pearl shell on the beach. It all seems so small but in that moment, I was truly myself. No pretense. Screaming when the waves unexpectedly collided with my body because that is one of the times it is acceptable to scream, out of glee, not grief. But you feel what you feel. And what you feel is how you heal. A constant race is what my life has become and I want some stillness, some peace. There are people and places surrounding me but I want to drive inwards and feel how I truly feel. I no longer want to type words thinking that someone might read it, I don't wanna smile at her thinking how she will feel if I didn't. Apparently, everyone is busy and selfish in their own little ways, some find their time to be precious, some find their mind to be precious. Ultimately, your only loss is just letting them feel like a winner and yourself-the opposite. Truth is crying when we laugh and laughter is fake when we are crying. Being real is so tough and that is why we are all hiding. Under masks, behind days, the shades, the internal disdain.....so be honest atleast to yourself. Say that I hated it when you are feeling like it. Say that you loved something when you just did and that you will change the will about being not willing to say it. Stop running from the things you want to run towards. Time was never the stopper, your mind was. Articulate, replicate, extricate, fabricate but never abandon, surrender or give up. Life is too short to not be having thoughts. Life is too short to not be sharing them.

I went to a poetry reading and read out some things I was working on. It felt nice to get out of my comfort zone but also rattling because I forgot my actual notebook and tried to rewrite them.

Everything that scares you and excites you at the same time is what you should do in life. You never know how it will change your life for the better.