NaNoWriMo â17 Day 6 - Part of the Job
Day 01 Â Day 02 Â Day 03 Â Day 04 Â Day 05Â Â Day 06Â Â Â Day 07 Â Day 08
Day 09Â Â Day 10 Â Day 11 Â Day 12Â Â Day 13Â Â Day 14 Â Day 15Â Â Day 16
Day 17 Â Day 18Â Â Day 19Â Â Day 20 Â Day 21 Â Day 22Â Â Day 23 Â Day 24
Day 25 Â Day 26 Â Day 27 Â Day 28 Â Day 29 Â Day 30
Summary: Stanford Pines is used to finding odd things in his house. But even this is a bit much.  AU suggestion from @tea-and-tipulidae. [Neverhuman AU]
Word count: 872
        Ford could hear Stanâs contented humming long before he entered the kitchen.
        âYouâre up early,â Ford remarked, standing in the doorway.  His twin shrugged. Â
        âGotta make breakfast for the gremlins.â
        âActual small creatures that have a fondness for destroying machinery, or Dipper and Mabel?â Ford asked.  Stan looked up at him with a slight scowl.  âGiven your newâŚemployment, itâs a valid question.â
        âFair enough,â Stan muttered.  He poked at the mass of eggs and meat in the skillet in front of him. âDipper and Mabel.  I donât see many real gremlins around here.  They like bigger cities.â
        âInteresting.â  Ford cocked his head.  âDid one of the fey creatures here tell you that?â
        âNah.â  Stan tapped his skull.  âI got that info locked up tight in my own noggin.  Itâs a part of the job.  Sorta a dictionary of magical-slash-supernatural-slash-weird creatures.â
        âRemarkable,â Ford breathed.  Stan rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to whatever he was cooking.  âAnd the breakfastâŚwill you be partaking in it?â
        âNope.â
        âIâve seen you eat before,â Ford said.
        âYeah.  I can. Doesnât mean I always wanna.  I mean, yeah, usually I wanna eat, but most times, human food just doesnât do it for me.  Not anymore.â  Stan grimaced.  âIâm too magicky now.â
        âSo does that mean you have-â
        âSpecial fey food?  You bet.â Stan sighed.  âItâs not the same as bacon, but itâs pretty damn good.â
        âWhere do you keep it?â
        âUh, the fridge?â Stan said.  He watched with minor interest as Ford crossed the kitchen and opened the fridge door.  Ford frowned thoughtfully.  âItâs got a glamour on it to keep the kids from eating or seeing it.â
        âCan you take down the glamour?â
        âI guess.â  Stan waved a hand.  Ford immediately let out a yelp and jumped backwards.  âSee why I keep it hidden?â
        âHoly Moses!  Stanley, I- Iâve seen my fair share of disturbing things, but thatâŚâ
        âSince it spooked you, does that mean I donât have to worry about you eating it?â Stan asked.  Ford paused to think.  âGeez, thatâs never a good sign.  If you have to think about whether youâll eat something that looks disturbing like my fey food does, youâll probably end up eating it.  If only so you can brag about eating it.â
        âIâm a scientist.  I like to collect data,â Ford protested. Â
        âUh-huh.  And do you like being able to eat human food?â Stan asked. Â
        âI- yes?â
        âDonât eat the fey food.  If a mortal eats it, they canât eat human food ever again.  Turns to sawdust and ash in your mouth, or something like that.â
        ââŚOh.  Fair enough.â Ford closed the fridge.  âI- I think I saw your fey food move.â
        âYep.  That happens,â Stan said casually.
        âWhy?â Ford asked.  Stan shrugged.
        âBeats me.  Stuff just sorta acts weird around eldritch beings, yâknow?â
        âActually, yes, I do know,â Ford said softly.  He sat down at the kitchen table.  Stan froze.
        âHow the hell do you know that?â
        âIâve met a few.â
        âYou canât have met them here.  If youâd met any of the eldritch people in Gravity Falls, they woulda told me when I got the job.â
        âNo, even I knew better than to attempt to contact the powerful old fey more than twice.â
        âMore than twice, he says,â Stan muttered to the eggs.  âIf you didnât meet âem here, where?â
        âDuring my journeys across the multiverse, of course.â
        ââŚOf course you did,â Stan mumbled.
        âThe multiverse is-â
        âI know what the multiverse is, Poindexter.  Itâs the sum of all the alternate realities and dimensions, as well as different planes of existence.  They border each other, and those borders can be breached by magic, high science, or a combination of the two,â Stan rattled off.  Ford blinked.
        âI didnât think I was that in depth in my research.â
        âNope.â  Stan tapped his head.  âLearned that when I took the job, too.  Whereâd you think the fey came from?â
        âTheyâre from an alternate reality?â Ford asked.  âI had theorized they might be, but I wasnât completely sure.â
        âBzzt.  Wrong answer. Theyâre from a âhigher plane of existenceâ.  Different from an alternate reality.â
        ââŚTrue,â Ford conceded.  He leaned forward, his curiosity continuing to pique.  âDoes this mean that you-â
        âYep.â  Stan stirred the mess in the skillet.  âIâm basically an alien.  Surprised me. Always thought it was gonna be you.â
        âHeh.â  Noises drifted down from the attic.  âThe children are up.â
        âYep.  Just in time. Breakfast is done.  AndâŚif you want, Stanford, you could join us. Scrambled meat and eggs,â Stan said. Ford thought about it for a moment.
        âFor a short while, yes, Iâll sit with you.  I wonât stay for long, since I have work and research to attend to.â
        âFigured.â  Stan paused. âI, uh, appreciate it, or whatever.â
        âOf course.â
        âMind getting the orange juice out?â Stan asked, clearing his throat.
        âSure.â  Ford walked over to the fridge and opened the door.  He grimaced.  âYour fey food is still visible.â
        âDamn, forgot about it.  Should probably fix that.  The kids âll have nightmares for weeks.â
        âSeriously, why does it move?â
        âI think itâs evolving.â
        âItâs alive?â
        âYeah, but not sentient,â Stan said.  He sighed softly.  âI should probably eat it before that happens.  Sentience tastes gamey.â