i lied to you.
you asked if i could remedy these feelings i gained from knowing you. from loving you. these feelings of lazy afternoons and welcome home kisses. feelings of futures and domesticity.
i told you yes. these feelings arent permanent and can be diminished.
i lied.
what i should have said was
whenever i look at you, i see home. i see the warmest smile ive ever had the privilege to witness. the most loving eyes to ever grace my form. i see that gross bead of drool that connected your mouth to my arm one morning. i feel the weight of your head using my arm as a pillow. the pain in my shoulder from not wanting to disturb you. i feel the careful placement of your hand on my chest, so you can feel the rhythm of my breath as you sleep. i feel your soft lips and the curl of your mouth as we both have to pause a goodnight kiss so we can smile and giggle. i look at you and hear my name in your voice. saying the word with such affection that it seems foreign to my ears. i hear your laugh and melt like always. i hear my blood rush in my ears when you kiss my shoulder and hug me from behind. i look at you and feel my heart swell. and my tongue tie. the overwhelming outpour of your love has changed me. my heart is full and you keep adding more. knowing that you exist in this world i thought so cruel, this life i nearly cut short gives me reason enough to die of old age. im sorry but not only are these feelings permanent, they will only grow stronger the more i know you.
