Honestly, I am pretty frustrated by the "haha why would anyone hate ace people" responses to Rowling's tweet.
Don't get me wrong, the support is nice. But if you want to be an ally, you have to do so on our terms, not yours. And that means actually engaging with the aspec community, not just posting positivity every now and again. And what those responses highlight to me is what I've known for a while; you guys only support aspec people when it's easy and convenient.
It's easy to support aspec people when it's J.K. Rowling being awful again. It's easy to support us when it's just reblogging an "aspec people are queer" post.
But what about when we are talking about amatonormativity and the relationship hierarchy? When we are discussing the enforcement of compulsory sexuality? When we are pushing for greater awareness and support for aspec identities that are not asexuality or aromanticism? When we are criticizing terminology that you use but harms us? Because I can tell you right now, I rarely see allo people engage with those posts.
Why do people hate asexuality (or any other aspec identity)? Because it challenges the societal norms that benefit them. And that is uncomfortable and scary. So they turn to hate and oppression in order to assure that the changes we push by just openly existing never happen.
That means that to be a good aspec ally, you can't just make a positivity post every now and again, and you can't just laugh about how stupid aphobes are. You have to openly challenge the societal norms that harm us, even if they benefit you. Including but not limited to:
The idea that romantic and sexual attraction is the default state of being (amatonormativity)
The idea that a romantic, sexual relationship completes a person
People in marriages receiving special privileges and benefits
The idea that platonic, familial, etc. attraction are default states of being
The idea that not feeling some form of attraction must be compensated for through another form of attraction
The idea that love (not just romantic) is inherently morally good, while not feeling love is inherently a moral failing
The idea that any one form of relationship is inherently more important or deeper than any other (relationship hierarchy)
The idea that any one thing makes someone human
The idea that not having sex is shameful or infantile
The idea that having sex without romantic love is callous
Gendered divides of sexual and romantic attraction
Other aspec people please feel free to add on/challenge any of this. Allo (not aspec) people please feel free to ask questions.
Additions:
Addition from @blkaroculture
Addition (in tags) from @fluffytimearts
Addition (in tags) from @cjreblogsthings
I've placed some resources for learning more about these topics under the cut.
