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word count: 1.7K
summary: You’re the only one who seems to notice how Neil isn’t quite himself after his father’s visits. One late-night chat in a secluded spot on the campus turns into a heart-to-heart about dreams, fears and choosing oneself.
a/n: First Neil Perry fanfic! I got the DPS book for Christmas and I can’t stop thinking about him.
warnings: Angst with comfort and a happy ending. Neil doesn’t
shoot himself after A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Mr. Keating isn’t fired.
Today was one of those days that Neil’s father decided to show up unannounced.
You were all hanging around in Neil and Todd’s room, studying for an upcoming Latin test that you were all sure you were going to fail. You hadn’t been able to go out to the cave since it was pouring, and the study hall was packed with those who usually studied outside, so Meeks had managed to sneak some whiteboards from the lab into the dorms and had started to attempt to teach everyone the Latin content.
The only ones actually paying attention were Neil, Todd, and you. Charlie was too busy doodling women’s busts in his notebook, Knox was writing poems for Chris, and Pitts was just there. Cameron hadn’t been invited to the club this time, since Charlie was pissed at him.
“I still don’t get it.” Charlie actually looked up at Meeks, who huffed.
”Charlie—you’re not even paying attention. It’s Agricola, Agriculturae, Agriculturae, Agriculturāum—“
”I give up!” Charlie collapses backward against the bed and you can’t help but chuckle.
”You’ll get the hang of it soon, Charlie.” Neil speaks up. Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door.
“I’ll get it.” Todd stood up from his bed, waiting for Meeks to hide the whiteboards, in case it was a teacher, before opening the door. On the other side, looming over him, stood Mr. Perry, with his signature frown. Neil immediately noticed him, tensing up.
”A word, Neil?” Mr. Perry spoke up. Neil stood up with a faint frown, that nobody but you seemed to notice. He walked over to the door and exited the dorm, with Mr. Perry closing the door right behind him.
Nobody spoke about what had happened, and you couldn’t help glance at Todd, who was staring back at you with a concerned expression.
You didn’t see Neil until well into dinner.
When the bell rang, all of you left the dorm and headed towards the main lunchroom, but Neil was nowhere to be seen in the dorm building’s halls. Even when all of you arrived in the lunchroom and grabbed your dinner trays, you couldn’t focus on Charlie’s bickering or Knox’s lovesick comments. The only thing on your mind was Neil, and where the hell he was.
You picked at your food, your mind so preoccupied that you didn’t notice Neil arrive and sit down next to you until you heard his voice.
”Hey guys, missed me?” Neil smiled, yet you noticed how it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
You jumped a little, fork clinking against the tray. For half a second, relief flooded your chest, warm, dizzying, and stupidly intense.
“Wow,” Charlie said, leaning back. “We thought you got abducted by your father.”
Knox laughed a little too loud. “Or ran away to Broadway without telling us.”
“Tempting, but impossible.” Neil chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “The Broadway part, not the ‘being abducted by my father’ part.”
You didn’t laugh. You just stared at him, eyebrows furrowing together before you could stop yourself. “Where were you?”
The whole table went silent. Suddenly Charlie became very interested in his plate, and Meeks and Pitts stopped talking about free radio. Neil hesitantly took a bite off his plate and spoke up without looking up.
”Just had to talk with my father.” He practically muttered.
You tilted your head. “Neil.” One word. That was all. But it landed heavily.
He finally met your eyes, and his smile faltered the slightest bit. Close enough that if you weren’t looking for it, you’d miss it. But you were looking. You had been looking all night.
“I’m fine,” he said quickly, too quickly. “Promise.”
Charlie opened his mouth, probably to say something sarcastic, but Todd shot him a look and he shut up, which was rare. Instead, Charlie started chatting again with Knox, and everyone seemed to drop the subject. Everyone except for you.
You leaned closer, lowering your voice as you whispered into his ear. “You don’t look fine.”
Neil exhaled through his nose, almost a laugh. Almost.
“You sound like my dad.” He said, too quick to process it.
Then immediately, regret flashed across his face the second he noticed what he had said.
Oh. There it was.
Your chest tightened. You didn’t push; you knew not to. Instead, you nudged his knee under the table, a quiet “I’m here” without making a whole scene.
“Okay,” you said softly. “Then eat. We’ll talk later.”
Neil’s shoulders relaxed just a fraction. He nodded, grateful, and for the first time since he sat down, his smile looked a little more real.
“Yeah,” he said. “Later.”
Dinner went by as usual. You talked about what to do at the next society meeting, criticized Dr. Hager and Mr. McAllister, and even practiced your homework verses for Mr. Keating’s lesson. When the bell rang and everyone started to get up and take their trays back to the kitchen, Neil tried to get away, but you grabbed his arm before he could.
”You agreed to talk later.” You stop him from leaving with Todd, which earns you a groan.
”Where do you want to talk? We’re going to get killed if we’re caught sneaking out,” he protests.
”Which is why we’re not sneaking out. We’re staying inside the campus. There are no rules that prevent us from being outside our dorms until midnight.” You slightly pull on his arm. He looks up at the clock at the entrance of the lunchroom. It was 9:30 PM. Damn it.
“Okay okay—“ he grumbled. “Lead the way.”
You allow him to set down his tray on the kitchen window before pulling him out the side door, the group long forgotten behind. The cool night air hit both of you, and you couldn’t help but shiver. With a fierce determination to get the answers you so desperately needed, you dragged Neil to a secluded bench in the courtyard, the only light illuminating both of you was the one of the distant full moon.
”Seems like there’s a full moon today.” Neil comments as he sits down.
“Stop avoiding the elephant in the room.” You cut him off, standing up in front of him with your arms crossed. “What’s going on?”
He looked down, his feet kicking a pebble on the path, and your expression softened. You sigh and uncross your arms, sitting next to him and gently setting your hand on his shoulder.
”Come on Neil, you know you can talk to me. We’re all worried about you. I’m worried about you.” You speak up tenderly, rubbing his shoulder.
“My dad has my whole life planned already.” He pauses. “Medical school at Harvard for ten years and then a doctorate in whatever obscure thing he finds. He doesn’t even ask what I want to do!” He kicks another pebble harder.
You remain silent, bordering on speechless. The silence stretches.
”Not like he cares what I want anyways.” He mutters dejectedly.
“That’s not true—“ You start, but he interrupts you.
”Yes it is! It’s like—no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough for him.” He lets out a choked sigh. “It never will.”
Neil is quiet for a long time. His jaw tightens, and you can feel the tension in his shoulder beneath your hand. He stares straight ahead at the path, eyes unfocused, like he’s somewhere else entirely.
“My dad doesn’t listen,” he finally says. His voice is low, careful, like if he speaks too loudly everything might shatter. “He decides what I’m going to be before I even get a chance to figure it out myself.”
He lets out a humorless laugh and shakes his head. “He calls it concern. Says it’s for my future. But it feels like I’m suffocating.” His fingers curl into the fabric of his pants. “When I played Puck in ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’—on top of the stage—I felt alive. Something I haven’t felt in ages.”
Neil swallows hard, blinking rapidly. “I keep wondering what I did wrong. Why can’t I just be what he wants?” His shoulders sag, exhaustion written all over him. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending this doesn’t matter.”
The silence between you is so thick, someone could cut it with a knife. Seeing your lack of response, Neil sighs.
”Forget it. It’s stupid.” He stands up, but you stop him halfway through.
”Carpe Diem.” You finally speak up.
Neil pauses, expecting anything but you quoting Mr. Keating. “What?”
”Carpe Diem, dummy! Seize the day!” You stand up in front of him, and he stares at you in utter bewilderment.
He blinks twice, letting out a shocked chuckle. “You actually mean it.”
”Of course. Our time here is limited; who cares what the rest thinks?” You reach out both hands for him to take, but he hesitates.
”You think that I can just… choose?” He finally looks up at you and you smile, nodding.
“I’m being serious, Neil. You don’t have to live your life for anyone else.”
He blinks hard twice, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I thought you were just trying to make me feel better.”
You shake your head softly, voice steady. “No. I wouldn’t lie to you about this. You can do it. I know you can.”
His laugh is small, shaky, almost disbelieving. “And you… really mean that?”
“Yes,” you say, smiling gently. “Every word. Even if it scares the crap out of you.”
Neil exhales slowly, letting his shoulders relax for the first time in hours. His eyes meet yours, and he smiles, taking both of your hands and standing up.
”Carpe Diem then.” He nods with a wide smile. You yank him toward the grass, but your feet tangle and suddenly you’re both toppling, landing against the cool blades of grass. The world disappears under your laughter.
Both of you know that if anyone sees you outside, the trouble you’ll be in won’t be small, but under the stars and laying on the damp grass beside each other, you can’t bring yourselves to actually care.
With a faint smile, you look at him. “Carpe Diem, Neil Perry.”
And with an expression matching yours, he replies.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
