#nct_u

pairing: johnny x reader

genre: fluff & extreme angst, pls don’t cry 

author’s note: inspired by peggy and captain america’s scene in endgame :(

please listen to this as you read to get the full experience of the story!

It had been ages since you last saw him. The brunette boy with the blinding smile who had taken your heart and kept it with him ever since he left to serve for the war. 

Johnny would send you letters once every two months, tied with an old cotton string and a memoir of the battlefield. One time it had been an orange poppy that he had picked just for you when he was fighting the Nazis. Another month it was a silver bullet that he had found while hiding in the trenches. You held onto each one of them because they were the only things that reminded you of him. The only things that reminded you of the way his eyes shone when you told him about the new book you read or the way he held your hand spontaneously.

After an entire year full of loneliness, the letters stopped arriving. You knew he was gone, far before the telegram arrived at your house expressing its condolences. He had been shot in the head after a raid in the trenches. He was a fighter though. This you knew. The telegram said that he had struggled between the line of light and darkness for two days because he wanted to live to see you again. But life is unfair and his light went out.

After the war finally ended, you had gone with your best friend to retrieve her love. She got to be the lucky one. You waited on the station’ ledge, watching her giggle in joy when her boyfriend picked her up in his strong arms and kissed her with all of his might. You wondered how Johnny would look if he got off that train. He would stand tall, cap in his hand, searching for you in the crowd. His glittering eyes would finally meet yours and he would run to you and hold you in his arms tight until both of you were out of breath. And you would finally be home.

When you returned home with glistening eyes, you felt an overwhelming feeling of abandonment lingering in your heart. You missed him. Too much for your own good. 

You would still look for him in the corners of your house, waiting for a sign that he possibly might still be alive. That the telegram was simply a mistake. But the house stayed empty. And your heart numbed.

----2 years later----

You sat at your wooden desk as the lantern shone a dim light upon your paper. You tried writing out everything you could remember of Johnny. Your memory of him was fading and you couldn’t possibly let that happen. He was the only source of happiness that once existed in your life. After his death, the only place where you could hold on to him was your dreams. You would never forgive yourself if you had forgotten him. 

As you got up to sharpen your pencil, you noticed a shadow in the corner of your room. 

How could it be?

“Johnny?”

“It’s been a while mi amor.”

You couldn’t help but sob as you ran up to him and held him with your entire being. He still smelled like French desserts and musky cologne. 

“Shhhh, shhh. Don’t cry, my love.”

“But... How could this be? I saw the telegram.. I saw-”

“I know, I know. My love, I came back to see you one last time.” “You’re dead?”

“Yes, my love. I’m sorry.”

Your heart ached inside your body. A part of you wished that he had returned for good and the both of you could finally be lovers again. But he was only a faded spirit who had returned from heaven to see you one more time. As you looked up, Johnny wiped your tears and kissed your forehead. You had forgotten how beautiful it was to be loved.

“There was one thing that I had promised you before I left for war. Do you remember what it was?”

“No, what was it?”

“I still haven’t gotten a dance with you yet.”

You giggled through your tears as you recalled the fond memory of when you both sat underneath the stars, confessing your secrets and dreams. He told you that he wanted to take you out and go dancing at a club. You had always wanted to go, but your parents forbid you.

--- Flashback---

“Let’s go dancing one day.”

“Really?” “Of course, isn’t that what all of the couples do these days?” “Johnny, my parents will kill me.”

“Don’t worry mi amor, they love me anyway.”

“When should we go?”

“When I come back after the war, the first thing I’ll do is take you to the stork club. And we’ll dance like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Johnny, you can’t dance, remember?”

“You can teach me.”

“Pinky-promise?”

“I promise with my entire heart.”

----- End of Flashback-----

Johnny let go of you as he walked towards the radio. After searching through a few channels, he found a slow jazz song perfect for the both of you.

“Is this ok?” “It’s perfect.”

He brought his hands down to your waist as you held onto the back of his neck. You began slowly moving side to side, trying to follow the beat. Johnny accidentally steps on you and after a few giggles, begins following your rhythm. You looked up into his eyes and you could swear that you saw the entire galaxy in them. The way that his body fit around yours was art. At that moment, it was if the entire world revolved around both of you. A pair of hopeless lovers who wanted nothing but to be with one another. As tears welled up in your eyes, Johnny held onto the back of your neck, laying it in the crook of his neck. The jazz music continued in the background, yet all you could hear was the steady beat of his heart. And you couldn’t even believe that he wasn’t alive. 

You wished you could stay in this moment forever. Holding each other like nothing else existed in the world but the two of you. But life didn’t work that way.

“Johnny?” “Yes, mi amor?”

“I miss you. So much.”

“I miss you too my love. When I got shot with that bullet, all I prayed at the doctor’s office was that I would live so that I could get to see you again.”

“How will I live without you?” “You have me in your heart, always. Don’t forget that. I’ll always be by your side.”

“I love you.”

“I love you the most.”

The song came to a halt after what felt like years dancing with Johnny. And your heart broke once again because you knew that Johnny had to leave once again. But this time, he wasn’t coming back. 

As your knees sank to the floor and tears wouldn’t stop streaming down your cheeks, Johnny sat next to you, holding your hand. Both of you knew that this was the way that life was. Death was a finale that you could not escape from. No matter how strong your love was for a person or how pure they were, death was inevitable. But you still found yourself praying to God that Johnny would never leave. Both of you sat in silence, holding one another in your arms. But you didn’t need words when both of you could read each other’s thoughts. 

“Johnny?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you. Thank you for being a part of my life.”

“It was my honor, mi amor. I’m sorry for leaving you early.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I’m always going to think of you till the end of time.”

“I will too. Don’t worry about me too much. In fact, now you have more time. I know how much you wanted to publish a book. Why not do it now?”

“I don’t want to anymore.”

“Mi amor, if you love me, you will write that book. Pinky-promise?” “Alright, I promise. Johnny?

“Hmm?”

“You will forever be the only love of my life.”

“Mi amor, the amount of love I have for you is endless. This is not the end, we’ll meet again soon. But now, I think it’s time for me to go. God can’t be waiting too long, can he?”

You hugged him one more time and held on for as long as you possibly could, trying to hold on to his scent so that you wouldn’t forget it until the world ended.  When you finally let go, he kissed your forehead and wiped the remaining tears staining your cheek. You kissed him one last time, cherishing the affection and love that poured out of his soul. 

He gave one last blinding smile that warmed your heart and as he mouthed the three letter phrase, “i love you,” he began fading into the air. You wanted to hold on to him one more time, tell him about all of the years that he missed, and how much you loved him. But time was precious and limited. All you knew was that he had given you his entire soul when he was alive. And you had given him your loyalty. Only you two and the galaxy knew how much love the both of you had for each other. 

The world was unfair. It hadn’t given you enough time with Johnny. But you were grateful for the amount of time that it did give for the both of you. You couldn’t have thanked God enough for blessing you two by being each other’s lovers. Johnny’ s love was immortal and infinite. It was pure and kind and you wished that you could have embodied into something physical. But his memory was just enough.  And as the nights turned to days and months turned to years, you finally returned to Johnny. 

And that was home.

i'll be your morning star