#nau

Yeah, it's sad that Mortuarius is so short and that I'm unhappy with the quality, meaning I'll likely either remake it and start from scratch or just put it to rest. I'm far too much of a perfectionist to actually feel what I've done up to now is enough to warrant any sort of even light interest, leading to a hopeless spiral of self critique and an overwhelming feeling of pointlessness. The crushing majority of ideas will be forever left to gather dust in my mind.

I can't draw, so I will likely never get to show you guys how I wanted them to appear. I can't animate, I can't render either - no videos will ever be made of them in action. All I have to introduce them into the world is my writing which is incredibly flawed, further proven by the narrative and worldbuilding mistakes made in Mortuarius, botched to a point where I cannot get myself to write anymore because as soon as I realised how limited the story of Denki is, when chosen to be approached from his initial training rather than much later on when he can actually do stuff and interact with Teyvat rather than just Umbra, I lost all momentum I had going.

Don't think I have it all planned either. Each new content drop for Genshin takes a hammer to my ideas and creates massive plotholes that I have to somehow explain. Or, at least, I feel I need the answers to. I am notoriously too demanding of myself, but I just can't help it. Unless NAU and its characters are Genshin-level in terms of content, there's no hope for them both. You may think that - hey, Genshin's lore is actually very mid and is also flawed while their characters of ten fall extremely short of their potential, come out as two-dimensional or like slightly different version of identical tropes. Like just look at Yoimiya and Mualani as an example. Or Kokomi and Jean. Or Zhongli and Neuvilette. Or Beidou and Dehya. They have different looks and lore, but their personalities are very close to each other - for me adding a band-aid in the form of limited time events is not a valid solution.

But Genshin remedies it with character design. Some fanservice, some bait, a lot of rule-of-cool type stuff and gameplay options. I cannot do any of this. NAU characters are not hot anime girls/guys that you can build and watch in-game. They won't ever measure up.

And so it goes, this train of thought, from one excuse and self-hating line to the other, wasting time, wasting effort, wasting opportunity. Even though I didn't post anything for NAU in months, I am fairly burnt out with it due to all this self-influcted pressure and the constant desire to "fix it" or "make it appealing". It was supposed to be fun, but it didn't end up this way.

So I'm doing these voicelines because I know I will have fun with them, and I will feel really happy and just a little bit proud of hearing them come to life in this homeopathical and fake way. "The people" won't care, but its okay. I'm doing this one for myself.