It’s movie night in the Avengers Compound, and you make sure you arrive first so you can sit in the armchair – there’s only one armchair, the rest are couches and the Avengers who arrive last will have to sit on the floor. Last time you’d been late you’d been relegated to the floor, and Peter had sat down just slightly too close to you. After ten minutes of being completely unable to concentrate on the film you’d made your excuses and retreated back to your room. Ever since then, you’d made sure you were the first to arrive so you could steal the solitary armchair.

Soon the room fills with the others as they begin to filter in, and your eyes are immediately drawn to Natasha and Wanda as they come in, holding hands and laughing quietly together about something. You can’t help watching them as Natasha takes a seat at the end of the already crowded couch, pulling Wanda into her lap. Wanda beams as Natasha wraps her arms around her waist, pressing a loving kiss to her cheek.

No one’s ever touched you like that and it makes your cheeks heat up as you imagine yourself in Natasha’s lap, Wanda sat next to you, their hands running over your body in a warm, intimate way. Their gentle kisses against your face, your lips… You have to grip the armrest, quickly turning your attention towards the movie. Even though Natasha and Wanda aren’t sat near you, you’re hyperaware of any movement they make. Wanda looks so comfortable in Natasha’s lap, warm and safe – like she belongs there. It makes your stomach twist with envy and longing.

You’d never really been attracted to anyone before. But when you’d joined the Avengers a few months ago your attraction to Natasha had been instant. You’d told yourself that was normal – surely most people are attracted to Natasha. She’s just so beautiful and badass… You’d never met anyone like her before. Still, it would fade in a few weeks when you got to know her better, when she didn’t seem so mysterious and dazzling. Weeks had turned into months though and you still wanted her.

Finding out she was dating Wanda had felt like a physical punch to the gut. It wasn’t like you were ever going to act on your feelings for Natasha, but finding out that she already had a girlfriend was still painful. Still, you’d hoped the reality check would help weaken your feelings for her – she was taken, end of story. Actually, the opposite had happened – you’d fallen for Wanda too. There was something about the soft, cautious way that she spoke to you, the way she moved when she was practicing her powers… Both of them were so beautiful. No wonder they’d gotten together.

In the background the movie continues, but it’s clear that Natasha and Wanda are more interested in each other than the events unfolding on the screen. Eventually Tony makes a teasing comment about them, and they giggle, completely unphased, too preoccupied with their own world. Natasha kisses Wanda again and you swallow, gripping the armrest harder. If only you hadn’t blown your chance.

You’d finished your workout and were preparing to leave the gym, when you’d felt a tap on your shoulder. You’d practically jumped out of your skin, putting your hand over your shoulder as if your skin had been burnt. Wanda had looked alarmed, holding her hands up defensively, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No!” You’d heard how loud your voice was and cringed, immediately lowering it. “No, it’s okay, I just… Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, um… Natasha and I are going to try out this new ramen place tonight. I saw it online; it looks really cute on instagram. The food looks incredible. We were wondering if that was your thing and if maybe you wanted to join us?”

You glanced over her shoulder where Natasha was talking to Steve, and then looked back at Wanda. Her eyes were on you, her smile soft and expectant. That was the first time that anyone had invited you anywhere in a smaller group. Although you’re friendly with everyone, you hadn’t really properly made friends with anyone on the team yet. You’re invited to movie nights, parties, whole group activities that take place in the compound, and you always make an effort to go, but this is the first time you’ve been invited out in a small group. And by Natasha and Wanda! Your heart soars, your cheeks heating up as you open your mouth to answer.

Sam had bumped your shoulder as he walked past, turning back and calling ‘sorry’ absentmindedly. It was clearly an accident but you still flinched like you’d been shot, and it had thrown you completely off. You’re always hyperaware of where everyone is in the room, how close they are to you, what they’re doing. You’d been distracted by Wanda though and he’d taken you by surprise. The touch felt like fire against your skin, and you had to resist the urge to burst into tears. For Goodness sake, you’re an Avenger; your job is one of the most dangerous in the world. You should be able to cope with someone bumping your shoulder, especially someone as kind and friendly as Sam. But it had made you feel sick with anxiety, no matter how much you tried to squash your feelings down.

Wanda had mistaken your expression and hesitation for rejection, “Don’t worry about it. Maybe next time.”

You’d opened and closed your mouth as she’d walked away; watching helplessly as she’d pressed a kiss to Natasha’s shoulder and then said something to her. Natasha had wrapped an arm around Wanda’s shoulders, both of them heading out of the gym together whilst you’d stood there, rooted to the ground. That had been two months ago. Neither of them had asked you to hang out again.

As soon as the movies over you practically leap up from the armchair and head back to your bedroom, unable to bear being near Natasha and Wanda for a second longer. There’s no way either of them would’ve ever been open to dating you but if you could’ve just been their friend… Maybe they told the others because no one else had asked if you ever wanted to do anything either. Every day you’d overhear the others making plans that sounded fun but you were never included.

You climb into bed still fully clothed, pulling the pillow over your head. Touch has always been an issue for you. Ever since you were a teenager you’d learnt to keep tabs on who was in the room, where they were, making sure no one ever got close to you. If you close your eyes you can still remember being a kid, the feeling of your older brother holding you down as you’d squirmed desperately beneath him. Tormenting you was his favourite hobby and your parents hadn’t protected you, assuming it was usual sibling rivalry. You still haven’t forgiven them for that, and you’re not sure you ever will. You’d run away from home at fifteen, and hadn’t looked back.

It was one of the reasons you’d trained so hard. As a kid, no one had protected you. You’d been too little to protect yourself. You’d sworn to never rely on anyone else’s protection or care ever again.

Time passes as you lie in bed, remembering the way Natasha and Wanda had giggled together, the way Wanda had turned away from you in the gym, and you cry until you feel empty. You don’t feel any better but your tears have completely dried up, there can’t be any left to fall. Sleeping doesn’t always come easily for you, as it doesn’t for most of the Avengers – if you go to the medbay there’s usually someone around who can give you a sleeping pill, or there’s a stock of chamomile tea in the kitchen. You’ve been trying to wean yourself off the sleeping pills so you decide to make yourself a cup of tea, and drink it outside. It’s a warm night and you enjoy being outside, especially at night time.

You’re surprised to find the kitchen lights on. Someone else is clearly in there so you’re about to leave when a voice calls out, “Y/N?”

It’s Natasha, wearing a pair of pyjama shorts and a white tank top, looking absolutely stunning even in such a simple outfit. You feel self-conscious in your own crumpled clothes and you fiddle with your sleeves awkwardly, “Hey… Couldn’t sleep?”

Natasha shakes her head, “I was making a cup of tea. Do you want one?”

You nod, taking a seat at the breakfast bar and watching as she pulls out another mug. Chamomile tea isn’t your favourite drink ever but you’re hoping it’s an acquired taste. Natasha works on the tea in silence, something which you find comforting. Small talk doesn’t always come easily to you and you’re pleased that Natasha doesn’t feel the need to fill the quiet. If Natasha notices that you’ve been crying she doesn’t say anything, just finishes making the tea and then slides your mug towards you.

Both of you take a sip in comfortable silence. Just as you’re about to leave her in peace and follow through on your plan of sitting outside, she speaks up, “We didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” You blink at her, not sure what she means so she continues, “When Wanda invited you out for ramen, we just thought it would be fun. I guess socialising isn’t your thing, we shouldn’t have-”

“I- No, I- I wanted to come, there was just…” You clutch the mug, ignoring the hot sting against your hands. “Is that what everyone thinks? That I don’t want to socialise?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I come to everything anyone invites me to though.”

“Yeah but you don’t really get involved,” Natasha says. “Most people think you don’t want to be there. You always seem to want to be alone, like at movie nights or the parties. Even during training, you do it alone; you never ask to spar with anyone else.”

You look down at the counter, your cheeks heating up again with embarrassment, “It’s not like that.”

Natasha studies you for a moment, looking you up and down. It makes you feel self-conscious, almost like you’re naked in front of her. “What’s it like then?”

“I… It… It’s hard to explain.”

“Okay… Well, if you did want to do something with me and Wanda, we’d be thrilled. We only didn’t ask again because we thought you didn’t want to.”

You nod slowly, “Yeah… Yeah, I’d like to do something.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll let Wanda know. Is there anything that you’d like-”

“You’re really pretty.”

Your cheeks feel like they’re on fire now – where on earth did that come from? God, she’s going to think you’re so weird. Everyone must already think that you have a high opinion of yourself, that you don’t want to spend time with them and now you’ve freaked out the first person who’s actually bothered to get to know you. When you finally raise your eyes to glance nervously at Natasha, you’re surprised to see that she’s smiling as she takes a sip of her tea.

“Thanks. So are you. I’ve always thought so.” Her smile turns almost smug. “So does Wanda.”

It hadn’t occurred to you that Wanda and Natasha must’ve talked about you at some point. They’d probably talked about you when they went for ramen. It makes you equal parts thrilled and horrified. Before you even realise what she’s doing Natasha reaches out and puts her hand on your shoulder. You tense up, meeting her gaze. Most people immediately pull away when you react like that but Natasha gently rubs her thumb over the fabric of your t-shirt, “How does that feel?”

You swallow, not entirely sure what’s happening. It’s been so long since anyone touched you. Every little bump from someone else makes you want to curl up into a ball, so you’ve always kept people at arm’s length. Natasha’s hand on your shoulder is like fire but not in a bad way this time. It’s warm, comforting… Wordlessly, you just nod, hoping that will convey everything you want to say.

“Do you know what really helps when I can’t sleep?” Natasha asks. You look up at her and she smiles, “Cuddles. Wanda’s still awake, I’m going to go back and climb into bed with her. Maybe you could join us?”

It must be a joke. A cruel, nasty joke. But Natasha’s hand moves along your shoulder to cup your cheek and you have to bite down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from moaning. Before you can over think anything you find yourself nodding and Natasha’s smile widens, as she takes your hand in hers and pulls you to your feet.

You’ve never stepped foot in Natasha and Wanda’s shared room before but it’s exactly how you thought it would be. It’s so cozy, dimly lit by fairy lights hung above the bed and along the walls. It actually looks lived in unlike your bedroom, which only holds your clothes – you haven’t even bought your own bed sheets, just using the plain white ones that had been there when you’d arrived. Natasha and Wanda’s bed sheets are red, and look silky. Wanda’s propped up in bed scrolling through her phone and she looks over, raising her eye-brows when she sees you walking behind Natasha almost in a trance as she guides you towards their bed.

“Is everything okay?” Wanda asks.

“Of course, I just thought Y/N might want to join in our cuddling session,” Natasha says. “That’s okay with you, right?”

Wanda nods, pulling back the duvet, “Of course. Climb in.”

It’s as if the two of them have put a spell on you, and you climb into bed, wishing that you’d changed into a pair of comfortable pyjamas like they were both wearing. You don’t have any pairs of pyjamas, always choosing to sleep in your underwear or an old t-shirt. Come to think of it, you can’t think of anything nice that you’ve ever bought for yourself. You don’t own anything that brings you comfort.

Wanda’s arm instantly goes around your waist whilst Natasha climbs in on your other side, wrapping her own arm your midriff. It feels so good that you have to suppress a whimper. Nobody has ever held you like this before. Your parents must’ve hugged you when you were a child but you can’t remember it. You only remember the arguments, the screaming, the pain from when you were a teenager. This is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and you’re confused, and maybe a little bit frightened, but mostly you’re just… Relieved.

Wanda nuzzles her face into your hair and mumbles, “I’ve wanted to hold you like this since the day I met you.”

“Really?”

“Of course. We both have,” Natasha says, leaning her head on your shoulder. “Neither of us really cared about the ramen place, we just wanted to hang out with you. Get to know you better.”

“But… Why me?”

“Because you’re beautiful and smart and intriguing, and we want to get to know you better,” Wanda replies.

“Try to just relax,” Natasha murmurs. “You’re safe with us. I promise.”

It’s difficult – their touch, though it feels so good, also feels foreign. And part of you feels undeserving of their attention even though you’ve been craving it ever since you met them. You open your mouth to voice your thoughts when you feel Wanda press a feather light kiss to the top of your head. Natasha takes your hand in hers, pressing her own soft kiss to your knuckles. It’s just like your fantasy from earlier, only softer, gentler.

Their warmth washes over you, comforting you in a way that you hadn’t thought was possible. Natasha’s hand moves to cup your cheek again, her thumb stroking lightly over your skin as she presses a kiss to your nose, then to your other cheek. You ache for her to kiss your lips and she does. Natasha first and then Wanda, their soft lips meeting yours. It feels so good; better than you’d ever hoped for.

“We won’t rush you,” Wanda says quietly, her fingers moving slowly beneath your shirt to run soothingly over your bare stomach. “Just relax. We can talk in the morning.”

“You can try and get some sleep if you want,” Natasha says. “You look exhausted. We’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Sleep is the last thing on your mind but against your will you feel your eyelids start to flutter. They suddenly feel so heavy that you can’t possibly keep them open. In the darkness you can still feel their arms around you, the occasional kiss to your skin. It soothes you into a deep, peaceful sleep. Natasha and Wanda exchange a pleased glance. They’d wanted to talk to you for so long. The attraction had been mutual, and they’d been hoping to ask if you wanted to join their relationship but had mistaken your hesitancy for disinterest.