#n4-73

She turns to you.

"Director, what do you have to say to all this?"

You freeze. All eyes are on you. Every word you have ever known leaves your head simultaneously.

"I..." you say.

Your voice sounds so small and weak. Hardly befitting of the Director of the Institute.

"I...am not a scientist," you choke out.

"Ha" Ayo says coldly.

"I am not one of you. But..."

"Oh, I'm excited for this."

"Ayo, if I have to tell you one more time..."

"But I am a citizen of the outside world. I love its people. I love their tenacity. I love how they try, try again every time they get knocked down. They are not people to be ridiculed, thought of as lesser than..."

One corner of Madison Li's mouth goes up. It is the closest thing you've ever seen to a smile from her.

"So too do I love the Institute. I stepped in here. I found my son...and for a moment, I felt as though I was home. I saw the generations of love that have been put into this place, the miracles that love has brought forth...and though I was sent here to destroy it, I just...couldn't."

You look directly at Ayo.

"I don't think we have so many enemies as you believe. I don't think we have so many enemies as Shaun believed. I think...if we're to ensure our future, we need to reach out. Not burrow deeper into the earth. Strength is in numbers. Not in walls."

Ayo scoffs, but says nothing more.

"I failed you all, for a long time. I failed myself too. But I'm not that person anymore. I will do everything in my power to not become that person, ever again. I want to learn from each of you. I want to be here, making better decisions than I have been. I...just hope you'll have me. Thank you."

You relax your grip on your armrests and stretch your aching palms.

Allie looks around the silent room, gauging the reactions of each board member. Clayton looks conflicted. Li and Alan are both smiling at you. Ayo has a look of resignation about him.

N4-73 is trans in the sense that when he was born, a role was imposed on him. But to fulfill the role would be to destroy himself. And then he eventually goes off on his own and finds a name that suits him better. Like jeeeeez I have written a trans character, but also I have not written a trans character.

Devon from Constant Bearing, Decreasing Range is also trans in my head, but not the text. Lotta dysmorphia going on for a cis man over there.

Saying your kill count is longer than your arm is perhaps the grossest understatement that could possibly be applied to the situation. You don't have the foggiest idea of what he's talking about. You don't have the brainpower to even venture a guess.

"Who?" you ask, with more than a little annoyance.

"The people you were spying for."

Oh.

"They helped you, and you killed them. And that must be why there's nobody left to help you now."

You whirl around, towering over him in your power armor. He startles, and stumbles backwards a step.

"You don't know anything. It was them or my son."

"And now your son's gone too, isn't he?"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

Your gun is in your hand again. You don't even remember drawing it.

"I could just let them take you, you know."

For a split second, he looks afraid, like a child lost in a grocery store. And then something changes in his eyes.

He smiles.

"You know? I don't think you could."

"Oh? Try me."

You turn your back and start walking.

"But that would mean you lost!" he calls after you, laughter in his voice. "And the only thing you hate more than listening to me is losing, isn't it?"

You make a terrible sound in your throat and suddenly you're no longer walking away. You're there, pointing the gun at his head, faster than the time it took to think the thought. One more word and you're going to do it.

"Ooooh, scary."  he says, his smile not faltering for a moment as he stares down the barrel of the gun. "Whatcha gonna do? Shoot me and reload the game?"

"Shut...shut up!"

He laughs a full throated laugh. It's barking and hoarse, nothing at all like the laugh you remember.

The gun quakes in your trembling hand. Your face burns inside your helmet. You suck in a deep, shaky breath.

You holster the gun. You turn around. You keep on walking.

"Maybe try making good decisions the first time around, yeah?" he calls after you.

Your shoulders tense.

You catch yourself before you let him to get to you again.

At that moment, Dr. Amari walks in.

She bears a plastic bag with a happy face on it and an equally content expression on her own face.

"N4!" she cries out. "Dinner's here. Is the last guest"-

Her head snaps towards you as she reaches the aisle where you're hunkered down. Her eyes narrow. She sets the takeout on the floor.

"You." she says, walking towards you, her fists balled. "You know what I told you. You have until the count of three. One."

You clamber to your feet.

"Wait!" N4 says, running from the backroom.

"Two."

"It was my fault!"

"Thr"-

"I turned it on. I'm sorry."

"Turned. It. On?"

Her eyes shift from you to the glowing pod. She lets out the deepest sigh you've ever heard.

"Who is in that pod?"

"Uh...I don't..."

"The Chief Engineer" you chime in. "Um. Of the Institute."

"Why."

"I panicked."