#n rambles

He figured he was closer with his mom　 than his dad　, but she resented him for being a male. You're not man enough. You're too much of a man, just like your father. "You know what's funny? I'm not a man at all!" After all the berating and deep cuts, her mom pulls her into a hug. It feels suffocating. It makes sense why he distrusts Ragatha. Words that cut like daggers, coated in honey. I can fix you.

He pushes Ribbit away. It doesnt matter that they accept her for who she wants to be. Who she wants to be is still an embarrassment, much worse than a man. He pretends that confession was made up and disingenuous. He pretends she's a stranger. If she convinces Ribbit they were never friends, then her secret doesnt have to be a reality. She can bury that truth if she tries hard enough.

Once Ribbit is gone, she adopts a persona, puts on a show of misogyny and toxic masculinity. No one would suspect someone Like That to be a trans girl. And the thing is, Jax tells himself that none of this is real, that the people he hurts arent really people to distance himself from feeling like shit. She still feels like, and is, a piece of shit because deep down, she knows it's real in some way. Otherwise, she'd have nothing to be afraid of. She'd have nothing to be ashamed of.

Jax is terrible and abusive. He acts the way he does out of fear of rejection. And yet　, she's convinced herself that deliberately going out of her way to be antagonistic toward others is better than showing an (embarrassing) genuine side of herself.

You will watch My Melody and Kuromi. You will watch My Melody and Kuromi.You will watch My Melody and Kuromi.You will watch My Melody and Kuromi.You will watch My Melody and Kuromi.You will watch My Melody and Kuromi.You will watch My Melody and Kuromi.

IT'S SO GOOD!!

Hiya! I'm Nova, and for the past year my grandfather's health has been in a bit of a downward spiral. I spent a lot of time last year with him in the ICU, and I worry he is getting worse since being discharged. I consider this man more of a father than my actual dad, and it pains me to see him deteriorate like this.

What pains me even worse, however, is that I am currently halfway across the country as new symptoms are developing and his condition is worsening. I had to move last year to flee domestic violence, and it hurts to be this far away as he gets sicker and sicker.

I want to get as much time with him as I can, both to help him heal and to know I spent my time with him well. I am asking for help in funding the moving costs, as I will be moving halfway across the country and will need to hire cross-country movers, put a deposit down on an apartment, and buy a plane ticket for me and my cat.

I thank everyone who has taken the time to read this, and I hope you all have a wonderful day. Please tell the people you care about how much they mean to you for me.