#mytoecold

i use a mix of capcut, digicamfx (highly recommend for video editing esp if u need a tool to stretch videos on mobile!) and sometimes adobe express.

Poem in Alt Text

“Stupid Now” by Drew Monson

DREW IM SCREAMING

—or not how bad, but like how weird. like that got really scary there for a second in a way that I don’t even know how to talk about—I don’t even know if I could talk about. it would have to be—not even a song, but like a painting, but like an ugly painting, one that I show to someone and they’re like, ‘what happened, did you spill something?’

“I sometimes feel resentful or annoyed or I kind of roll my eyes at people who love themselves because I hate myself at times so much. I think for that reason, I’m afraid sometimes to start loving myself to avoid a similar wrath of people like out there who are going to be like, ‘Shut up!’ If I’m ever like, I like my hair. It’s still gonna happen, and I’m not going to have a perfect relationship with myself, but I have to try and I have to make that a goal to love myself, like for survival. Like it’s gotten to the point where it’s that serious, it is that real, that like, I will die if I don’t at least make an attempt to love myself. Like I will one way or another eat myself alive. And I know that for a fact, because that’s what was happening. Like, I was just at that point that I’m sure some people can relate to right now where I was like, honestly in the back of my mind, ‘I hope one of these bad decisions I’m making with my body and my life and all the stress I’m under just takes me out.’ Like.. and I don’t have to make the decision. I know that’s like an intense thing to say, but the point I’m making is that I have to. I have to right now look at myself and say, ‘I love you.’ And try to mean it.”