Non sono risalita per vedere il sole, ho solo imparato a respirare dove annegavo nel silenzio, lì, dove le mie ombre danzano con i ricordi e il dolore non è che il ricamo nero sulla mia pelle.

Non cerco la guarigione che cancella i segni: le mie cicatrici sono costellazioni antiche, perché ogni ferita è diventata una lezione incisa nel marmo, segreta e fedele.

Ricompongo il mio volto nel riflesso di specchi incrinati, pezzo dopo pezzo, con la lentezza di un rituale, senza fretta di tornare a essere intera per chi non sa guardare oltre la superficie.

E quando, tra le pieghe del crepuscolo, si inizia a trovare la luce, non è il giorno che cerco, ma il bagliore tenue di una candela, perché, in fondo, io rimarrò sempre un po' nell'ombra, ed è proprio lì, nel mio posto più vero, che ho finalmente smesso di cercare la fine

Another Night to be Harry’s by Anonymous | E | 953 They were so compatible, Harry and her. It was why he always came back for more and why she let him. Taking things beyond sex had just never happened.

loopholes by Anonymous | E | 2231 Together since high school, Harry and Louis took sacred vows of purity together as a pledge to wait until marriage. They can't have sex, but that doesn't mean they can't do other things.

Heartstrings by vondrostes | E | 2691 “Do you and Mitch ever talk about me?”

One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor by kingsofeverything | E | 3713 Niall and Maggie come up with a way to get revenge on her annoying neighbors.

And Love The Aftertaste by Jiksa | E | 4296 Nick has, somewhat accidentally, been sleeping with Harry's sister. He should probably tell him. (Probably.)

boom, boom, don't you wanna go by Anonymous | E | 6147 It doesn't take much to convince Harry to participate in Lambda Sig's annual ceremony for graduating seniors. She's hooked up with a few of the brothers already anyway, as lackluster as they were. She has to have her legs and bare bottom half on display for the rest of the brothers in the senior class to see, but she's always kind of liked being played with and definitely likes being on display. She's graduating in a few weeks anyway. What's the worst that can happen? She doesn't expect contestant number fifteen to blow her mind in the first round. He doesn't let up.

nothing else will do by gravitycentered | E | 9064 Since she’s been thinking about it nearly all the fucking time, she has to ask someone impartial, “Is that weird? That I haven’t?” Though she can tell that he tries to remain neutral, Louis sees from his face that it is quite weird. “Um,” he mumbles at first, attempting to look thoughtful. “I… don’t know.” “So that’s a yes.” - Louis has never had an orgasm. Harry thinks she deserves one.

Watching You Watch Him (Friend to the Undertow) by myownspark | E | 10644 While vacationing in Fiji, Louis and Harry accidentally stumble upon Liam getting edged by Sophia. Then Louis helps Harry find nirvana. There's voyeurism and porn but a character study and lots of fluff too.

Contact by myownspark | nr | 2483 A short story about two men navigating the wilderness.

Unto You by LadyLondonderry | T | 3671 Louis is a lamplighter celebrating the saturnalia season in his own way. Harry is heavily pregnant and new in the city. The holiday of Christmas is yet to be created.

Manifest Destiny by casuallyhl | E | 15210 Harry and Louis had fallen into bed together again that night, mouths greedy and hands needy. And now every time Louis stops at Fort Kearney, even if it’s weeks in between, he and Harry spend the night together. The nights are always filled with heat and passion, and it gives Louis something to think on fondly as he rides across the western territories carrying sacks of mail. They’ve never talked about it, and they’ve never kissed. Louis doesn’t know if he wants either of those things to change, but he knows that his presence in Harry’s life is sporadic at best. Probably best to leave things be. Or, Louis is a Pony Express rider and Harry runs a station along the trail.

Leave Your Damage Behind and Gone by QuickedWeen | T | 15673 It's the spring of 1882 and Sir Louis Tomlinson is a simple man with simple needs. Money. Running an old estate and dairy farm costs money, and he would much rather focus on his science experiments than take a trip to the Exposició Universal de Barcelona to beg for funding especially when everyone there is English anyway. He's taking a walk one night to clear his head when he comes upon something mysterious on the beach that may or may not change his life forever.

No One Like You by myownspark | M | 19924 Dear Niall, I was glad to have the chance to talk with you again at the AHA conference. Your idea that the Musee D’Orsay Tomlinson painting is in fact not a self-portrait is an intriguing one, and I may have discovered something that will have a bearing on that theory. Some background: as you may remember, I’ve been researching for a book I’m writing about Harry Styles. I’ve been in communication with Styles’ last living descendant, who is in possession of a trunk that her family believed to have belonged to Styles himself. It held some personal items she presumes to be his, including two unmounted paintings and a small collection of letters. Upon spending the last few days in Provins studying these items, I believe there to be a connection between Tomlinson and Styles, and I would very much like your opinion. Are you up for a trip to France? Sincerely, Liam Payne Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

And down the long and silent street by whimsicule | M | 86090 The year is 1881 and if you’re alone in this world you might as well be dead, because starving dogs have no mercy. Or: Wherein Louis and Harry are on the opposite ends of the social ladder, but their paths still cross on the filthy streets Louis calls his home. The odds are staked against them from the beginning, and even more when Louis' past finally catches up with him.

Coax the Cold by MediaWhore | M | 86440 England, 1897. English Professor Louis Tomlinson’s passion for the occult has been a source of mockery and derision for most of his life. When he hears whispers of a travelling freak show newly established in London claiming the existence of a monstrous sea hybrid, half-man, half-fish, Louis sees it as his ticket to credibility amongst his peers. The summer he spends undercover working on the show, however, gives him much more than that.

Victorian Boy by audreyhheart | E | 101209 Victorian AU. Harry the virgin Duke of Somerset knows little of love, while Louis the sly Duke of Warwick knows too much. When the two dukes come together for the Bilsdale fox hunt in York, Harry finds himself drawn into Louis' bed. But when secrets from Louis' dark past come to light, Harry fears that the fox isn't the only one being hunted.

you don't know where you are by saysthemagpie | M | 5357 He doesn’t know what he was expecting. It’s not like Harry was going to greet him at the door, take him around and introduce him to all his teammates. That’d go over brilliantly, he’s sure. Hi, everybody, this is Niall. No, he can’t play football, but sometimes I let him jack me off in the showers after practice. (small town texas AU. harry's the star quarterback and niall's a kid from the wrong side of town.)

So Much Left to Say by myownspark | M | 7654 Harry remembers Louis stalking along the Cougar’s sideline as the final seconds of the game ticked away. He was apart from everyone, with his arms crossed and his head down, sort of fragile looking even in his pads and helmet. Harry’s fingers actually itched to hold his hand, just as they do now. He holds the phone up to take a selfie and smiles into the camera, trying to ask Louis a question with his eyes. (Are you really okay? Tell me the truth. I bet you’re sitting on your bed, playing Madden, sulking. If you want to see me, I’ll come. I know you better than anyone. You’re sad. I’d like to come.) He pushes send. (Harry and Louis play for rival high school football teams, and when they play against each other in the Homecoming game, someone has to lose.)

Now is Night by angelwarm | T | 7798 “Glad to see you haven’t sold out,” Harry murmurs. He’s leaned up against the lockers, body long and sweeping. Louis grabs a notebook from the top shelf and slams his locker shut. His smile is small, wry. “We all sell out in different ways.” “Have I?” Harry’s hair is getting longer—brown curls falling into his face. For what feels like ages, Louis traces each of his features in his mind, the way Harry’s grown into his nose, the reddening of his lips that always makes it look like he’s just bitten into strawberries. The last piece they played together before Harry quit was Frances Lai’s Love Story, and—and nothing. If anything came of it, it allowed Louis to believe in coincidence, in the random events of the universe, in the reality that there was no point to any event. No meaning, unless he assigned it meaning. Louis readjusts the cigarette behind his ear. “Of course not, Styles. Once a golden boy, always a golden boy.” [high school au where labels are a Thing only sometimes and people talk]

Assumptions by lovelylounatic | E | 8793 Harry is a the quarterback, Louis is a cheerleader. Bestfriends help each other out a bit after a big win.

fire for a heart by alnima | M | 28378 “Then how come I’ve never noticed him before?” Louis asks, because he knows everyone. Or well, he knows most everyone. That’s his thing. He knows people. That doesn’t mean he’s friends with them or that he likes them all – or that they like him – but still. Zayn somehow slipped under his radar and he doesn’t understand how. Zayn is—Louis would have noticed him. “He’s shy. He’s not really concerned about being known,” Liam says, like that’s an explanation for it. And maybe it is. Maybe not everyone wants the world to know their name like Louis does. “And why are you so concerned about him? Do you like him or something?” “I don’t even know him, Liam, don’t be ridiculous.” Or the one where Louis is on the football team, Zayn is in yearbook, and they make it work.

bloodsport by tofiveohfive | E | 40283 “You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—” Louis stops when he hears a chuckle. He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation. “‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

work those shorts. by nopehes | M | 3643 The AU in which H&L are basketball captains from rival schools who hook up during late night 1v1 basketball sessions.

Sliding into home by becka | E | 4896 Niall and Louis have been on the same baseball team for two years, and they've been fucking for nearly that long. But when Louis gets hurt and can't play for a while, he's cranky and in need of soothing. Niall helps.

So Much Left to Say by myownspark | M | 7654 Harry and Louis play for rival high school football teams, and when they play against each other in the Homecoming game, someone has to lose.

down in atlantis by polka_stripes | E | 8818 Harry's sick of his string of shallow relationships and doesn't want to crush on Louis if he's just going to be broken up with after a few months. The heart doesn't always care what you want, though, and Harry's is going to dive in deep.

Double-Play by photo41 | M | 13094 Harry’s studying abroad in the states with his best mate Niall, and somehow gets thrust into the world of baseball. Not that he minds though, as baseball is chocked full of attractive players, especially Buffalo’s shortstop, whose favourite past-time seems to be using as many baseball pick-up lines as he can. Directed at Harry.

wild card (nobody, nobody) by dramaturgicallycorrect | T | 30108 Harry is Britain’s Best Chance and Liam is a wild card at the Championships, Wimbledon.

Swallow My Words by YesIsAWorld | T | 32699 Senior year is stressful. On top of balancing school work, family, and friends, Harry's lacrosse team is vying to win the state championship, he's not sure where he's going to college yet, and he has a secret boyfriend that no one can know about.

power play by sweatpantstomlinson | E | 34863 Louis and Liam play for rival professional hockey teams, but somewhere between the constant travel, grueling workouts and endless laps on the ice, they fell for each other. Only issue? No one knows they’re together...or even that they’re gay.

Dear Niall,

I was glad to have the chance to talk with you again at the AHA conference. Your idea that the Musee D’Orsay Tomlinson painting is in fact not a self-portrait is an intriguing one, and I may have discovered something that will have a bearing on that theory.

Some background: as you may remember, I’ve been researching for a book I’m writing about Harry Styles. I’ve been in communication with Styles’ last living descendant, who is in possession of a trunk that her family believed to have belonged to Styles himself. It held some personal items she presumes to be his, including two unmounted paintings and a small collection of letters.

Upon spending the last few days in Provins studying these items, I believe there to be a connection between Tomlinson and Styles, and I would very much like your opinion.

Are you up for a trip to France?

Sincerely, Liam Payne

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

by: myownspark (1D Reverse Bang 2017)

 ~*~My Favorite Fics by MyOwnSpark~*~

Just Tell Me the Song and I’ll Sing It, ~40k

Louis is an architecture student who can only think about the future. Harry is a baseball player who can only think about right now. Both are lonely for different reasons. Boybands bring them together. Or, this may just be a long love letter to Louis’ voice, I’m not sure.

{Okay, this fic is my soulmate fic. Yes, on the surface it is about baseball and boyband karaoke, which that’s like it’s just speaking to me directly. BUT this fic is so much more than that. This is the fic that made me fall in love with Cynthia’s writing. The story itself is lovely and clever, but my god, the emotion that she can convey with her words is so compelling and unique. I would recognize her writing anywhere.}

Long Road to Love Leads Back to You, 9k

“Missed you,” Louis murmured.

Harry smiled against his mouth. “It’s only been a few minutes, babe.”

“No, I meant …” Louis sighed with relief and didn’t finish, chose to keep kissing instead. He’d been afraid it would be one of those distant, frosty kind of nights where they would bicker and pick and brush past each other, Harry mad at Louis for some reason Louis couldn’t name. Those were nights where Louis could see that edge of disappointment in Harry’s eyes, nights where it seemed their love got lost somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom, among the dirty dishes and lost toys and their two very young kids. But it felt like they might be righted now, back on track because of their funny conversation in the bathroom, and if Harry wanted Louis to be naked on his lap, then that’s what Louis would to do.

Harry is feeling cranky and lonely after a long week. Louis' offhand comment about a co-worker's maternity leave starts a conversation that gets Harry out of his head and into his heart.

{I remember Cynthia first telling me she was writing this and being nervous about the topic, and I just remember saying that I knew that whatever she wrote would be amazing. And then when I read it, it just blew me away. This is so beautiful and again so much more than what it seems on the surface. It’s one that stays with you, and how with the right person you can be truly vulnerable.This whole thing will just knock the wind right out of you.  I have to stop now before I start crying. IM FINE.)

Can’t Keep This Beating Heart at Bay, 9k

Louis thought that he kinda liked her, but there was something missing; he saw it in Harry's eyes. Basically "Home" in a fanfic, with an epilogue thrown in for good measure.

{Okay, so first of all, I don’t read canon fics just in general, but I’m so glad I gave this one a chance. You can just feel the panic right alongside Louis as he frantically tries to fix what went wrong. And then the epilogue...damn you, Cynthia. I dare you not to shed a tear at that one.)

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