#mymidnightthoughts

"You seem like not a 'sister figure' anymore. You've changed."

The last thing I remembered after that, I was silent, trying to find the words to say. I was contemplating why that person said that. It was a calm and meaningful conversation, no argument. I didn't have the opportunity to give a proper reply because I didn't know why it happened. Why I suddenly changed. But now after the clock struck 12, after suddenly coming across to this piece of memory, I now have an answer why.

Some people seem to look so happy, upbeat, reliable, strong, and so many more good qualities that everyone looks up to. But sometimes, some people get to a point that they get tired of all the situations that are unknown to some people, which results to zoning out. Disengaging one's self from socializing. Speaking less and spending more time alone or with fewer people. And that results to what people call "changed" but it's really not. Though some people do, it's not that people like them always resort to change. It's just that they get tired of having people relying on them too. They do those unlikely behaviors as their way to cope up or to take a rest from whatever's going on in their lives. You can't blame or judge them because you don't know whats going on with them outside the circle. Not everyone can keep up with people relying on them because there comes a point in their lives that when they get tired, they want someone they can lean onto too, but there's no one. It's sad that most people don't get that. It's painful when those people who used to rely on and look up to you suddenly change too. They never want to show that part of them, but strong people get tired too.

I see myself pushing boundaries and breathlessly reaching out.

My lungs gasp for air as I fight my own limitations, I cheer for my persistance and celebrate the small wins.

But in the morning, I awake and roll over. 

Around you, I choke on my words.

Near to you, I lose my breath.

Without you, I suffocate from the lump in my throat that's tells me how I miss you.

Now that you're gone, I remember what it is to breathe.

Now that you're gone, I remember what it is to bleed.