#mylastpost

Hello everyone,

Today, in my Mastery Journal I am finally telling you how things have gone throughout my 12 months of my Entertainment Business Masters program. Tomorrow at 11:59pm, I will say good bye to being a student and hello to my future as a graduate. The class I am currently in is for my “Final Project”. We had to write this very detailed business plan that I could one day use in the future if I wanted too. We got to learn about how the world works with investors and how you have to have money to put into your company before even thinking about talking to someone about getting a loan. You need your entire first, second and third years figured out and mapped out. I had a completely different view of what was going to happen within these last 12 months, but I wouldn’t regret anything.

When I first started this journey, I was just starting to recover from being in the hospital twice. Once from having two PE’s (pulmonary embolisms) and then having double pneumonia. No matter how sick I was, my goals never changed. I charged through and never quit. I remember in my first month for my Mastery Journal post I talked about my business #KayraeMedia, which unfortunately never took off like I hoped it would. I instead started a new journey later on down the road that is my own business, but I work with a team that supports me and my goals. I also talked about having an auto-immune disease and wanting to talk to kids and adolescence about how to overcome it and reach for the stars. Although, I still struggle with my disease daily, they should know it has not stopped me on reaching my goal to graduate and do it with almost perfect grades. I had also set up my LinkedIn page, getting a Logo created and taking a screenshot of my Feedly page. I also was told to pick a favorite quote that I wanted to live by and the quote was “Before you are a leader success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader success is all about growing others.” – Jack Welch. This quote will forever stick with me because I truly believe it. You as a person needs to grow and learn its true value before you can be a leader to others. I want to be a great leader, someone people can come too for advice and how to work on the things they are lacking, someone they can respect. Also, in month 1, I made a timeline on how I saw things going for the last 12 months and I have done everything I set out for myself. Finally, I did one more quote, “Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.” – Maya Angelou.

In month 2 Executive Leadership, I was told to discuss about my readings and GoTo Sessions. I talked about how the Maxwell style (which is a leadership style), was appropriate for me. Personally, I could not be as domineering as Greene’s style. In my post I state, “I have emotion and I work within a set of guidelines that I go by. I relate more to the 20/80 Principle, also known as the Pareto Principle.” This class taught me what type of person I am as well as what type of leader that I saw myself being one day. I also talk about my PM Plan. I changed it up a bit and made my assignment about YouTube. I wanted to do videos about life, hair and makeup, but I also wanted to talk about the things that I have gone through in my life and show other girls dealing with similar situations that they are not alone. Bullying, auto-immune diseases, anxiety and depression are normal things to talk about and I believe it needs to be talked about more often. If kids with anxiety talked about what made them anxious maybe it could help them control it. We are not alone, and more people need to do something about it.

The next post is about Business Storytelling & Brand Development. I expected it to be a writing class but to my surprise it was more about branding yourself and your company. In my post, I talk about how everything has a trend and at that time and still almost a year later EDM is a very popular trend. More and more festivals are starting to become popular and advertised a lot more because the target market has expanded.

After our long Christmas break, I started back up in my Entertainment Business Financials class and it was one of the hardest classes I have ever taken and I still agree on this statement. I know overall, math is something people in the business world need to deal with every single day and I was prepared for this class. I just didn’t realize it was going to be as hard as it was. I love working with QuickBooks and I wish it had more of that involved, especially since most businesses use it.

For my next month I had to post my certificate for Lynda.com on Marketing and Monetizing on YouTube. A lot of YouTubers have been talking about how their videos keep getting Demonetized and that means they aren’t making money off of them. I wanted to learn new digital ways to promote my business and YouTube was one of those ways. I soon realized that after YouTube changed a lot of their rules videos and other problems like YouTubes subscribers were not getting notified when they would post videos or YouTube was unsubscribing subscribers from YouTubers channels. It was a large mess that I started to back away from and I learned how to use Facebook Live to talk about my products.

One of my favorite classes is next, and that is Negotiating and Deal-Making. I have always loved the law side of the entertainment business world and that is what I wanted to do after school but with other things going on I am putting it on the back burner, but I am hopeful that one day I will get to learn more about law. I learned how to negotiate contracts with customers and how to not use negative emotions when in a negotiation because it could turn a good relationship into a bad one quickly.

My next post is about my Product and Artist Management class. I remember being nervous for this class and looking at it before the first day. I loved that Professor Winn let us write papers that had more of our opinions in the paper and not so much the APA format that most classes look for. I genuinely enjoyed her class and loved her as a professor. She explained everything so well and set everything up so that we could learn both subjects separately so that we wouldn’t get confused on the information.

Advanced Entertainment Law is another favorite of mine. Like I said previously, I love law, so this class was exactly what I was hoping for. This class was everything and more of what I expected. I enjoyed learning how to fill out the proper documents for copyrights and trademarks. I also enjoyed researching cases with real life liability issues. If you are a future Entertainment Business Masters student, watch all of her GoTo Trainings, read the required chapters and you will do great in the class!

One of my favorite professors taught this next class and I am so glad I got to enjoy her teaching twice. Professor Craft teaches Entertainment Media Publishing and Distribution. My main goal for that month was to take as much information in as I could. Professor Craft is very organized and explains everything so well for the students. She explained everything I needed to know, and it made it a lot easier for me to write notes. I also take a lot of what I learned personally. I believe with the right tools and the right mindset, you can achieve anything. I love writing and some of my stories I feel like I should self-publish or talk to an agent and get it published. I have an imagination that doesn’t stop, and I enjoy it. This class let me live on through my imagination and showcase it to the professor and maybe someone else one day.

Finally, last month’s class. Business Plan Development. This class started us on our business plan and getting it prepared to present it for our Final Project. It is a lot of work and it’s not something to do in one or two nights. Spread it out and make sure you give yourself enough time to do both research and writing. This class sincerely puts you right in when the final project class starts and if you get everything done the first time you will only have to fix things and final proof it for the final copy and slide show. Overall, I am so glad this class existed because it helped me spread everything out and know what I needed for my final project and what I didn’t need.

I also want to thank every professor in this program for making it the best experience I’ve had at Full Sail University.

#MyLastPost Bon, faudrait savoir, les #insectes c'est la solution à la faim ou conduiront-ils à la fin de l'#agriculture

I may not be perfect or the person you want me to be, but all I ask of you is to accept me for who I am. Otherwise it’s not worth my time talking to you.

  The ghost of my shadow is the demon of my past, with such devouring evil nothing will ever last

  Faced with a dull reality We are pushed to exceed against all odds Taking ideas and creating someone unique We are a canvas for the world to see Our mind and body are our own Weather we follow like sheep or separate from society 

  All that I've done and talked about and for nothing... For all I've given and for what? What am I suppose to do now? Why has this happened to me? Who am I going to trust knowing that the people I had trusted the most had let me down? I guess all that's left to do is wait and watch as the days go by, wondering what could have happened if I had done things differently. I can only watch the days go by, do things that where a usual routine, and don't do anything but keep to myself..... 

  Due to a recent turn of events I have been lost in myself more and more, seeking answers that aren't there or won't show. All I can do is wait, watching the days go by and hoping something will happen, something good, something that would make me want to live again, to make me look forward to something, anything at all. Every day I had thought about one person I kept wanting to talk to, that I kept in my mind after so many years because each day was a constant reminder of how we use to be, and I've done that I thought I should which eventually made us go our separate ways. So I ask you this, would you be good friends with me, talk to me about things that you are comfortable with, and do anything enjoyable with me? It's been a little miserable not being able to have any fun, not enjoying others company, and not being able to look forward to anything.

  I am just going to stay here dwelling in my own self hate Why must it be I who suffers such bad fate? Slowly I die inside myself, barely able to keep awake For all I have given, there isn't that much at stake 

  Beware the temper, pain and regret As looks deceive what I can’t forget Come forth the time I’m sad and alone Lost in a world full of blind clones

  You've manipulated me with you caring behavior Soon there will be no one as my savior Take back your evil wicked words Before I am scarred too much it's burned Inside my mind I could strive for greatness Yet you've molded me for such faithlessness Dying inside I have nothing but to be alone in these dark days With such an empty feeling in the pits of my stomach I don't care for any craze Every day is a repeated routine, the same events with the same actions Some day someone will push me way to far for a simple reaction But for now I must rest, nothing can prepare me for such a test I must repair the scars that will never go away Every day is a constant reminder of one who wouldn't stay They never forgave me for such simple things, instead set me up to finish me by pulling on some strings Never will I be able to stand any emotional games again, I am on the verge of breaking beneath there game

Taking all these ideas to make something and claim it as your own Something that we all do, no matter how big or small, as we grow Everything is no longer original, just a mixture to make something somewhat unique And if it seems like something already created then it will just fall back to your feet Try to make something unique, build it up from scratch then analyze it Every aspect of your idea is somehow linked to something else or is a mix of ideas that somehow fit

I've trusted in you too much I've made sure i will never again Why is it whenever I have a hunch I eventually fall down in pain

  We are gains of sand compared to the world, and the world is just a spec compared to the entire universe. You and I are not so different in the eye of the beholder, it isn’t until they see and hear what we do differently before they begin to think otherwise. I myself, like many other people, am looked upon and thought of very differently to how I actually am. I behave differently to what they might think and when I do they abuse me, because abuse solves everything supposedly. No one likes change and people would do what they can for thinks to stay the same. As time goes on the more things change, the more they stay the same. For example music changes more and more, and even though it may sound different, all music still uses at least one of the following; a beat, tempo, volume, pitch and/or rhythm, Show me a song that doesn’t have any of these. Another example would be peoples idea’s (Such as movies, artwork, songs etc.) since there would be no one that would come up with something of their own creation, all ideas are made up of at least part of something else, if it’s something taken and made into something similar or a mixture of ideas put into one to create something that may seem unique yet it really isn’t. What would be the use of living knowing you have nothing to live for? To know that there isn’t anything you can do for anyone, including yourself? This is what some people think at time, thinking that there useless when there not. Only your own self can change what you do, what influence you have on others and what you do to make your life the way it is. There are sheep, and then there are the Sheppard’s. The sheep follow and act like each other, doing what the Sheppard’s want them to do, whereas the Sheppard’s are the victors, the people who strive and achieve greatness. The Sheppard’s prove that they can do whatever they desire. I am one of those people who am lost, being neither the sheep nor the Sheppard, the one who does what is needed for himself to excel in life without even know what to do or how to act. He remains relatively quiet until he know what he wants, then and only then will he decide if he wants to be a sheep, or a Sheppard.

  Ask me something, such as who I am, what I want to be and what is wrong. I will tell you these if its either straight away or after awhile, I will tell you...

  Wanting to be somewhat close Your kept at such a distance My words and what I write Mean nothing due to my features My expression and how I look Disguise the person I am And everything that I've done I really can not be damned I lose myself with these words That may not mean anything now Or maybe the will not ever So I can just emotionally drown

I don’t know why I keep rejecting myself from others, I done it so much now it’s become part of my behavior. What others think and what I think they think of me are two different things, even though I think I always make others feel uncomfortable by my presence and what I say. I think no one understands me a I don’t know when (if ever) I will realize how wrong I am.

So bye All that goes on in my mind and what I want to say and write will not be told to anyone so soon. I wish for this and wish for that yet leave behind such little facts and I really don’t think people are so sure I won’t say what I have to say but I am sure I will go away to a place where no one can assure I have such a confusing mind and with such commiting times I really can’t afford to fall below This message, as it seems may confuse you, when you can figure it out you still wouldn’t have. So don’t worry about it and continue focusing on other more important things in life. Just take a moment to realize how good your life is. You have friends that talk to you about anything, best friends that would talk to you about everything and a figure/image that only self centered people would hate. Real friends wouldn’t call you ugly, they would argue with you over how pretty or beautiful you. All this is important and should be the reason you want to wake up every morning and commit to everything that goes on in your life every day.

Don’t ask me anything…

  Just when you think all is lost, someone or something comes along sometime And when that time comes it lifts you off the ground and help you strive Strive to continue living, and aim for what you want to be Because you have to take that chance while you have it, before it all goes again backwashed to the shadows of life.

  Only people that talk to me and understand me will know who I am, they should notice who’s drawings these are and what some are from. I am a person just like everyone else, I have my own perks, flaws, behavior and understanding. Just about no one accepts me for who I am and just want me to change to better suit society and what’s “in”. Well I say fuck everyone else, I’m just going to be who ever I want to be. Eventually I may say my name on here but not today…

And as usual, here is my alliteration.

Grow like the tree’s of sand stone ground, flow like the waters of the sea. Flow like the wind that passes day by day, because in the end sheep can’t change society.

-myvirtual0fantasy

  Stringed Desires

Wickedness lies in your poisoned lips, matching body movements of lust. I cannot stand the words you twist, disguised by words of trust. I fall so deep into such a heap, why can’t I be left alone. I can’t climb back up to my feet, I am just left to moan and groan.

  Why? Why do I have to keep trying? Why do people want me to be someone I’m not? Why can’t I just forget about things and just move on? Why can’t I find a reason?… A reason to live, a reason to become successful, a reason to try… At everything I want instead of being so unsure it suffocates me and makes me fail at every attempt… Why? Because I have to… I am made to, yet I don’t know what to do

  When you want someone because you think it will back you happy, but when you finally get what you want your still not happy with that you have. Simply, this is my life with depression. I withdraw myself from group just so others don’t feel uncomfortable, intimidated or annoyed by me at all. There is and has never been anyone that can or could help me with any of my problems, my cries fall on death ears. I don’t know when I’m going to give up, or maybe I’ve given up already, but I would never end it no matter how bad it is. Sure I wish my life was different but I would never want to change the past because it has made me who I am. Lets just hope I can handle what is to come…

  Sometimes it’s just not for you All the pain comes two by two Nothing changes your regrets Reminders that you want to forget Such mistakes come crashing down Just let yourself mentally drown Blank expressions mask your pain Kill some bastards make it rain What you want won’t make you smile Why don’t you just wait awhile Your hope will just descend to darkness Let it devour you, become possessed

  What is good without bad? What is right without wrong? What is gain without sacrifice? What is relief without pain? What is mercy without suffering? What is purpose without meaning?

What is life without death?

I regret many things, things that toss and turn within my pain and suffering. I can not forget these things as they have made me who I am and who I am yet to be but this is not without sacrifice. I no longer change myself just to please other, I no longer push myself and others away from reality to see what it’s like without someone. I can’t just sit back and watch as all this bull shit goes on, with all the lies and abuse. But there is nothing else I can do, I have to let myself be washed away. I am devoured in hatred and pain yet it still doesn’t reach far enough to make an action that would speak louder than these words. I’m trapped in my own mine, living each regret as if it where yesterday and hoping that eventually such things would be fixed. No one forgives or forgets the significant things that have happened to them, no war has been won or lost without bloodshed. Some minds are more clouded than others and are deceived by the majority of the people that think they know everything about life itself, they do not see what is real and what isn’t. They can not care enough about someone who is less fortunate than them… It’s just the ones who give up, or the ones who keep it all for themselves… They would need the most help. As things become too clear some question why they should even exist, why must we be here when it won’t make any difference. But the difference they make when they end their own life is something no one should live with. Knowing someone close to them ending their life and not being able to do anything about it, it’s heart breaking, torturing and regretful. When you want something so much and it’s in your reach but then it goes away, or when you finally get what you want but your still not happy… That is what people fear, living a life with no goal… No object to look forward to or live for. Living for family because you would hurt them if you went, wondering what they could have done differently or what they did wrong. This is life, my life that isn’t as clouded as the people who enjoy making other people’s life hell. They see that as a sacrifice without cost, making others feel so shit for their own entertainment. For anyone that is reading this, please share… I just need hope, because nothing is worse than a world without it.

  The worthlessness of finding friends seems to be an inevitable task i sway towards ever day of my life, looking through the white lies to find something that at first seemed like someone you would need, but its just something that you wanted for so long it blinded you from the truth of more pain and suffering that you keep trying to get away from. The more you struggle the more it seems to devour you until you give up on trying, flowing along with it to see where it would take you.

  Why is it that I always manage to fuck up everything? There is never anything to fall back on… I can’t do this but I have to. Days upon days I think about others lives without me and how they would be a fuck load better, because I just manage to get more and more people to hate me… There will never be anyone by my side that love me for who I am knowing EVERYTHING that had happened, good or bad. Because in their eyes, in anyone’s eyes I’m always such a fucked up ass hole that shouldn’t even have a chance.

Before I get rid of this, and everything else, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has followed me and been apart of my life. It means a lot that you've enjoyed what I've posted and blogged, read all of my ups and downs, and been there for my ride. It's nice to know there's still some really great and genuine people out there in the world, hold tight and change it for the best. You guys are awesome support but unfortunately, my time on here is up. Everyone, have a great life and become everything you wish to be, never give up on your dreams, and never give up on what/whom you love. Always aspire to grow as a person, lover, friend, companion, parent, etc... Now, I'm going to dedicate a lot of time to writing out this next letter and that shall be how I better myself. Again, thank you all very much for putting up with me, following my blog, and being there when I needed it. Tumblr is a great site to meet awesome people. Goodbye, everyone

Also, quite a long time ago I made a secret diary type thing when shit was difficult in my life and I feel like it's fair to share it. I haven't written in it for a while and I don't know if I ever will again, though I should because life has been so incredibly difficult on me lately. Never felt so low with how much goes on in my life currently. Anyway, here it is;