today, technically yesterday since its literally 2am but, it was surprisingly better than some of my recent days. 

of course, it started off a bit slow and depressing. i was being taunted by the exghaustingly jealous thoughts of my ex and her new boyfriend. im sure everyone has felt or thought the same after a breakup, but i feel mine are unhinged. i have trouble with self-control, anger issues, vengeful tendencies, plus constant overthinking. having said issues kiiinda, well maybe, intensify the thoughts and emotions from exhausting jealously to literal possessive narcissist or depressed cloud. they’ve been at my front door for a long time and felt as if they knew exactly when to come knocking. i just feel selfish about her and don’t want her to be happy without me. i feel possessive, she shouldn’t be anyone else’s. i can’t seem to get over it, over her. one day i will tell you guys the full story of what happened between us.

anyway, after sulking, i was able to reply to online friends who make me in higher spirits. it didn’t kick the thoughts/emotions away but sort of gave me a tiny distraction. i tried finishing up attack on titan and ultimately didn’t. totally thinking my day was going to end up the same as the rest, i spent some time with my younger sister and things were looking better. we went outside to get snacks then spent some time with our mom. we spoke about my upcoming birthday, and it put me at ease thinking of how i promised myself i would start coming out of my shell on that specific day. my mom even said i could possibly get a new phone, which i need asap, so i was visibly happy. after all this, me and my sister spent the rest of our night together playing music and call of duty mobile. it was peaceful so much so that i completely forgot to post something here before midnight lol. it was a pretty decent day!

Sin embargo no te llamo porque es lo mejor para mi, sin embargo no te escribo por que tengo mucho que decir que no terminaré diciendo nada.

Tambien tuve muchos errores, muchos intentos fallidos, inclusive hasta promesas fallidas, creo que también yo falle en muchas cosas, pero creo que aceptar esos errores me ayudaron a intentar a darlo todo por este amor, para verlo florecer más no me había dado cuenta que ya te había alejado lo suficiente y que ya no podías dar más de lo que ya estabas dando...

Lo que siempre creí y que sigo creyendo, es que de verdad creo en que un amor verdadero lo podia todo y en el que si dos personas su amor es verdadero, lo demas era pan comido, una relación es de dos si una falla la otra parte también, lo que de verdad es importante ser maduros y afrontar las batalla y no rendirse y salir adelante, "aceptar errores" esa es la clave