Sometimes there’s a pain so deep you don’t want to feel it. It comes in waves and all I feel is despair. I’ve made some choices in my 27 years of living that I have to live with. Like hurting the one person in this world that only tried to love and support me. I thought by rushing myself to be where he was, I would in my own time get to where he was. The thing is, I was young and not ready for what he was able to provide. I had never been in a serious relationship and felt unconditional love like his before. By trying to force something that I wasn’t ready for, I hurt the person closest to me. And because of that, I’ll never have my best friend like I did before. He met me through a season of my life that was really hard for me. He took the broken pieces and put me back together like I never thought was possible. I was finding myself and with his help. He showed me what true friendship, unconditional love, and selfless was. I am grateful to know and have felt the purest of loves. Though I feel waves of sadness with his loss, I know it’s because of my actions that I am where I am. I can’t have pity but accountability. I move forward with as much grace as possible knowing that with tomorrow it is a new day. I know God will guide and heal me. I think it all begins with forgiving myself.
