It is so weird to read posts from other people with OCD, where they're talking about why they feel like theyโre a horrible person. It is so weird to read those because my mind will immediately go like, โomg no bb this isnโt your fault youโre wonderful ๐ฅบโ but then I will still turn around and be like โok but I am the sole exception. I am the sole horrible person.โ Like the cognitive dissonance is wild lolll
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involuntary agere is waking up thinking abt big headspace things in the headspace of a scared child
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involuntary agere is knowing you donโt feel this way when you are big about said topics, but right now you feel fragile and small and scared
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involuntary agere is needing reassurances that youโre safe and going to be treated with care, promises that have been repeated to you dozens of times, but you lack the emotional permanence to feel safe
Yea this season is a full on shit can of "Idk what were doing" holy fuck....
Just watched the newest episodes and to folks that were saying this would piss me off, Oh yall were So right.
I dont even KNOW where to even fucking start of how much BULLSHITTERY this is turning out to be....Like what even is the fucking plot anymore?
Below is my thoughts & Vents of the show.
[Remember this is MY personal thoughts and opinions. IF it upsets you in anyway, SCROLL away.]
Censored for spoilers.
So apparently everything is taking place after these so fucking important seven years. Apparently Lilith had tried to get sinners to rise above heaven. Clearly some fucking failed or HEY MAYBE WAS SEEN AS AN ACT OF WAR on heaven which since Adam was like the fucking general of heavens army clearly had to bring this up to Sera.
Which Led to the start of the Exterminations. Clearly Lilith who lmao is really the REAL royal of all of hell because lucifer is literally just a shit for brains twink.
Im really starting to think Lilith fucking sold out of Hell once Adam offered her a one way ticket into heaven which had to CLEARLY been her goal in the first place, taking her out of the damn picture with some little "Spare Hellborn-Aka fucking Charlie" hall pass from the exterminations.
And Clearly Sera green lighted it because yeah guess what Sinmers are in fact a fucking problem and also guess what? NOT HER/HEAVENS FUCKING PROBLEM.
So cool the exterminations are going on, Adam is a general and has to get a strong and strict army put toghether to do the exterminations during seven years. Lilith fucked off.
Lucifer's being a good for nothing tower princess as from what I seen really had NO fucking power in the first place in hell. (Clearly cause he can't even hurt sinners in the first place) So LITTERALLY the only reason that fucker even got to beat Adams ass, was simply cause he knew how to rile Adam up and break down Adams calm & focus to get the anti.
"Take that Bitch-" Sure but Adam litterally got up after that, and was losing his shit...HE LITTERALLY WAS ABLE TO STAND UP and probably could have continued fighting, considering he GOT THE FUCK UP when Charlie STABBED HIM with her fucking trident and fucking beat the shit outta her....So Clearly Adam had to be FAR stronger than Lucifer seeing he is litterally an archangel and not some fallen depressed uwu baby.
Litterally if the show ain't cheap shot Adam with nifty stabbing him in the back, He'd be an absolute fucking menace in the now upcoming war.
___
Sera knew exactly why she approved the exterminations, Because of sinners like Vox. Sinners that were becoming a threat to heavens safety (and probably earths let's be fucking real)
Which is why im so fucking angery she let Emily, a fucking child be all "whawhawaha exterminations bad your such a horrible person" talked her into that stupid fucking gift basket idea.
Sera was absolutely right in, Hell needed to sort itself out. THEY SHOULD HAVE NEVER EVEN WENT DOWN THERE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE!
and I hope this drives her in telling Emily to shut up and go do her own job because she CLEARLY isn't capable in handling SERAS job, and removes Abel from his position and put Lute in charge.
Afterall Lute WAS Adams second Hand, SHE KNOWS how to run an army and get fucking shit done and handled. I hope she recognizes how exactly bad the loss of Adam truely fucking was and even acknowledges Lute for EVEN SAYING THIS WAS BAD FOR HEAVEN.
Out of everything, holy fuck Seras true angelic form was beautiful. I really loved the creepy swan seraphim form.
____
Abel......I really do not see what was EVEN the point to bring Abel into the show at this time. He provides NOTHING to the story line, and absolutely is NOT even a main character but some side charater that gives ๐ ๐ vibes here and there and is a "Yes" guy to Emily's delusions and to Shit can on Lutes Character.
Its giving
"Is this your general your highness?" line from Camilla from Castlevania.
Incompetent and unimportant.
Next.
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Lute, Honestly whole time moma's was like
"HMMMM ITS ALMOST AS IF I TOLD YOU STUPID FUCKS THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN."
She had what three-four lines the past two epsiodes and she had more common sense than the Angels court all to-fucking-gether.
Give her back her rightful title.
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Honestly Vaggie should have broken up with Charlie, and I REALLY thought she was and she would have been utterly justified in it.
Charlie treats her like utter shit and is extremely toxic towards her and honestly their entire relationship is toxic.
Vaggie IS Constantly parenting & managing Charlie outbursts, hyperfixations and well bullshit. She is constantly being ran through the mud by being the one trying to make things work, giving Charlie advice which guess what? Is ignored.
Because Charlie is always right! Right?
Oh but if shes wrong she can just cry about it, and all is forgiven.
This season tries to heavily push that its because Chalrie is under stress and mourning and all of that.
But holy fuck just cause someone you knew for a MONTH dies in a war, YOU aided in provoking doesn't mean you get away with ignoring people, crossing boundaries, disrespect others and then get fucking pissy that they went out of their way to help fix the stupid ass decisions you caused by not LISTENING to your so called loved ones and friends.
Vaggie was absolutely right in snapping at Charlie flat out telling her full face value the only one that is destroying her hotel is well HER.
Shes not listening to any one, shes rushing into shit, the same shit she did before and got the hotel attacked and now? Shes aided in putting heaven directly in danger as well.
But hey I guess some random and out of place auto tune song and heavily implied fucking, makes that all go away and their relationship is doing great and Vaggie forgives Charlie anyways.
Like angel had said, They should be greatful that Charlie can put on some crocodile tears and say sorry towards them all because they are in hell.
__
I dont see the point in Vaggie trying to go on this arc to find a name, sure we could work the whole "Adam gave me that name and its demeaning" Nonsense......But she could have literally chosed a different name the day she met Charlie and was no longer tied to the excorists.
The push for her to find her strengthing Self Identity honestly just feels like a cheap joke to see how many V names they can push into the show.
How many are there now?
Vagatha, Vanny, Vagestia, Vinny?
With the sudden changing to her name i would not fimd it strange if this was some ploy for Vaggie to get mind controlled by Vox and being stuck by the Vs and only breaks out because they use her wrong name and it falls into.
"My name is Vaggie!" shit.
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I also seen folks get upsettie spaghetti as the scene of Vaggies flashback in the angelic army...
.....It was an army....
Do yall really think the military is a walk in the park? That its sunshine and gum drops?
The Military is not finna deal with subordinates stepping out of line, nor babying someone who can not stand up to expectation. The military is to enforce order over its soldiers and turn them into weapons.
Why is this such big shock to people?
___
Lucifer.
Honestly I see why Lilith left him.
And im really starting to think Lilith used him tk get what she wanted because he definitely doesn't feel like a threat.
More like some childish man child that never hit puberty.
Hes "The king of Hell" and yet he can not lay a hand on sinners????????? Really? So was all that tit for tat against Alastor was just his little pride being threatened, but he couldn't even do a damn thing is CRAZY.
Litterally None of the royal families have ANY real hold over hell and its fucking laughable and sad, besides you know Lilith.
oh and I love how we all thought lucifer was really gonna be big and bad with setting the Vs tower on fire was gonna be this huge scene...............it was for fucking show, a show he COULDN'T EVEN BACK UP.
He literally was all bark with zero bite, but hes supposed to be stronger than Adam? PPPPFFFFFFT SURE.
___
The only character who really just seems to have brains and is playing every fucking body in their faces, is well Vox.
And I Do Not like the Vees at all, but damn the Tv-Head is the only one making shit go the way he wants and is fucking playing everyone like a fiddle.
Using Angel dust as A spy to learn about everything was wild and honestly? Brilliant. I really feel like he only sent sir Pensious to fuck With Angel, to get Angel distracted to the fact that HE was Voxs spy the entire time.
It really feels like he could actually succeed in his goals in over throwing heaven by raising his own army (which he has) while promoting its all the beloved Lilith dream.
But of course we can't forget about bratty Alastor can we? The one who has to be important to the story line, when it just feels like the brat just likes pissing off his Dom.
Whose important is to throw these deals around that are to make plot sense later one and full on 'Girlbossing' his way to inside destroying the Vees.
Also love how the show can joke about rapists, enablers, making fun of abuse & Rape victims, ect ect but if Vox tries to do a stereotype racist joke thats suddenly serious and hes reprimanded for it. Because we wouldn't want to cross a line.
__
Still Absolutely Hate Val, That hasn't changed im the slightest but damn was the
"IM FROM FLORDIA" line was fucking funny.
Seeing Val & Velvet getting treated lower was honestly expected since Alastors whole point being under Voxes control is to get inside of boxes ears and tear apart the vees from the inside until his deals come to play.
___
Out of Everything I wish we got to see Angels REAL attempts to redemption versus the failure stuff he was pushed to do so he can be exploited by Chalrie all for her own pride to prove the vees wrong.
His moment with Husk was really nice to see, but is was sad to see Angel say that he doesn't see a path to Redemption to be something for him and I feel like thats all because of Charlie not listening and using him.
and im absolutely terrified for whats coming up for him.
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if Adam DOES come back as a sinner I really hope its him dog shitting on EVERYONE.
it be cold as hell if he was an overlord as well and just like
"Oh YALL thought I was gonna suffer? Like it ain't fucking easy to be powerful in hell?"
mentioned being enby to a friend lately. got hit with 'i was nonbinary for a bit too before i settled on being a woman. maybe you're just getting comfortable being a woman, you'll figure yourself out'
yeah. that's what i'm doing. that's why i'm telling you i'm nonbinary. what the fuck did you think i was doing, trying to get clicks on the internet? no. it's 2 am and i'm trusting you with a part of myself. what the fuck dude.
Because when I express distress or vent or show discomfort to *any* degree. I'm met with...
Annoyance.
Disgust.
Anger.
"You're so dramatic."
Gaslighting.
"The world doesn't revolve around you."
Verbal or even physical punishment
"It's not that bad."
"Ugh! I have to walk on eggshells around you!"
Stern looks.
Having stress relief taken away (headphones)
"Other people have it worse."
Confusion as to why things that have always triggered me, triggered me. As if it's a surprise.
Threat to punishment if I don't start looking normal right away.
Making it all about them and how hard their lives are.
Lecturing me.
Acting as if I need to just "try harder/keep trying."
Being in deep denial at the possibility I might be clinically depressed because "I have no reason to be/my life is good."
Invading my space when I try to find somewhere to calm down.
Turning on the light when my room is dark and telling me to "stop sulking."
Rolling their eyes.
Accusing ME of having an attitude all the time.
Yelling sometimes.
My mother "forgetting" I'm autistic because I "mask it so well I appear normal."
Overall invalidating my experiences and existence.
"You're so sensitive."
Judging my comfort media as being "childish." (As if neurotypical people my age and older don't loudly and proudly like similar things-)
Blaming me for not wanting to wear clothes that give me sensory issues and complaining how hard it is to find me clothes.
"I don't remember saying that."
Calling me lazy.
Telling others about me "He used to be good at ___ but now he just sulks in his room."
Not nearly enough shame towards the fact they physically abused me for years. It'd stopped after they realized what they were doing but I get phantom aches especially in my abdominal area and ribcage when they're angry.
Claiming I'm too jumpy when I flinch at sudden noise especially if its a door shutting too fast or too loud.
Blaming me when my fight or flight response is fight. Acting like I'm some sort of aggressive monster.
Having called me names over the years, the most common one being "problem child."
Acting as if my brain fog and severe memory issues is as result of "staying up all night on that damn phone" when in reality I remember my earliest childhood days very vividly but everything after the age of eight is a blur.
Purposefully triggering my misophonia.
Those times they physically restrained me when sensory overwhelm happened and I got bruised so bad it hurt to breathe.
Me having overheard them on the phone with others wishing I was "normal."
Probably more shit I can't even think of yet.
Does that all count as ableist or an I blowing this out of proportion?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Qualityโ Free Actions
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
Never- NEVER in all my years- DECADES of gaming have I ever had a game repeatedly crash and CRASH DURING SAVING like the Bioshock Remastered collection. Specifically, Bioshock. I live in FEAR of saving my game because I could easily lose HOURS of progress from my choice.
Fuck you, BlindSquirrel, for your failures, and fuck you, 2K, for not fixing these failures.
(And this is coming from someone who doesnโt swear often. I am pissed.)
STOP TRYING TO DO YOUR SALES PITCHES ON AO3. AND DEFINITELY STOP USING AI TO DO IT.
Likeโฆ.ASDFGHJKL the audacity is beyond me. How dare you show up with fake interest, attempt to trick an honest writer who is merely sharing their hard work, their blood and sweat and creative tears, into thinking you appreciate their effort. Iโm so tired of deleting spam comments itโs not even funny atp.
And you donโt even have the gall to write it out yourself, you plug their story into a robot and have the robot spit out a fake reaction for you. That robot wrote my OC in the strangest, most uncomfortable style, and itโs still kinder than you are. You do not have the decency to even read what is written so that you can fake your enthusiasm properly, you cannot use your own goddamn brain when you try to swindle innocent folks online into buying into your shit.
You got a little art business? Good for you. Leave me alone. I am no longer interested in talking with anybody reaching out to me on AO3. I do not want your instagram or discord. I have so many of these comments and itโs like a knife to the heart.
Aside from my beta reader friend, I donโt have a single real comment. And you know what? I would rather take zero hits or comments than these jokes.
The worst part is I got so happy looking at the size of that comment when I opened my phone this morning. I was thinking finally, maybe somebody liked it. Maybe my story matters to someone else too.
As if. Genuinely, leave me alone. I wanted connection before but now Iโm done. Thanks.
