#my answer

April

“Ain’t nothing but a heartacheeeee” You watch this man sing his little heart out, Jameson bottle in his grip. You can’t help but frown at this poor man’s inability to sing. Make it stop, you think to yourself and head to an empty spot on the couch. 

It’s your friend’s friend’s birthday party today and the birthday boy thought it would be a great idea to invite you. And it would have been great. Unfortunately for you, you are freshly out of a relationship. 

“You might meet someone there!” Jihyo exclaims, like you want to meet someone there. That’s the least of your worries right now. Being loved is everything you’ve ever wanted. You craved to be seen. The continuous heartbreak scares you away from chasing that feeling again. 

Is the risk of going back into that deep black hole of depression worth a few moments of love? The answer is absolutely not.  

“Sehun’s friends are… I’ll pass.” You explain to your friend, but you know this won’t phase her. Sehun’s friends are good looking and nice but a little too party hungry. 

“Okay, maybe you won’t meet someone. But hey!! We love karaoke!! Come sing with me. Sehun really wants you to come!” She insists, pleading for you to just join the party. 

“I don’t know… Sehun and Jongin got along pretty well. What if he comes?” You bite your lip nervously. You had introduced Jongin to your friends when you thought he could be the one. Just like you, they instantly all fell in love with him.  

Jongin was easy to get along with. He loved to party yet was still tame and controlled. He took care of you in that provider kinda way. You shared the same sense of humour. He was easy to love and he made you feel loved. He was kind of the perfect guy for you.  

“Sehun says he’s out of town this week. He won’t be there” She tells you with a gleam in her eye. She made sure to ask before even inviting you. She knows there is a chance you’ll come now. Despite how much you say you don’t like to socialize, she knows you love to sing and dance. Everybody loves to party! You purse your lips and you can’t help but feel a smile creep up to your face. Jihyo sees it too and squeals. “We’re going to have so much fun!!” 

And now here you are, sitting on the leather couch of some karaoke bar. Jihyo has disappeared from the room. You’ve sang your go-to songs and you are now calling it. You’re tired. Maybe you need another drink, you think. You bring your cup closer to you then reach for the green tea- 

“Op- Let me get that for you.” A longer arm reaches out in front of you. “It’s closer to me.” 

You follow the arm to its owner and make eye contact. The man smiles. But he doesn’t just smile. He smiles with all his teeth. His eyes are glistening in the purple light. His dimple is so deep, you think a button can hold it. His hair is voluminous and so dark. He is beautiful and your heart stops. You can’t breathe. Not again, please.  

Did you mention that you fall easily? You are the clumsiest in love. Reckless, to be honest, with yourself. Because, despite never wanting to go into that depression hole again, you somehow always put yourself back in there. No matter what.  

“So how do you know Sehun?” He asks as he pours the green tea into your cup. He reaches for the Jameson and points it towards you. You nod slowly, agreeing to another drink, and he pours the whiskey in. He smiles and nods for you to take a sip. 

“I’m more of Jihyo’s friend.” You mutter, in disbelief of what’s happening to you right now. Was this angel on his way to heaven? A little pit stop at a karaoke bar before getting his wings in the clouds? 

“Huh?!” He laughs and suddenly, you feel like you’re being lifted to the heavens with him. His boisterous laugh is everything to you. “I’m so sorry. That guy is tearing it up on the mic.” You choke on your drink, laughing at his comment. You repeat yourself, a little louder this time. He chuckles and grabs a couple napkins for you when he notices you spilled a bit on yourself. 

“You like that?” He grins even brighter than you thought he possibly could. Oh, he’s a flirt too. “I’m Chanyeol. Sehun’s friend. What’s your name Jihyo’s friend?” He’s looking at you like you are the most interesting person. You are swooning, excited that he wants to know your name.  

You clear your throat of any remainder liquid and tell him your name. Unknowingly, your hand reaches out to him, and you panic. You’ve never offered your hand to meet someone before. You attempt to suppress a smile from blushing so much. You’re not thinking right. What is this? A job opportunity? What is going on with you? 

It takes Chanyeol a bit longer to notice your hand (because who does that nowadays) and grins. He takes it and shakes it once firmly but polite. His hold is warm, a bit clammy, but familiar — if that makes sense. Your thumb swipes the back of his hand in a comforting way. You pull away once you notice what you were doing. You want to smash your head into that glass table. Your body is truly betraying you tonight. You didn’t even have much to drink. 

“I think I broke my seal with that drink. I have to go to the washroom.” You excuse yourself, getting up to rush to the bathroom. Once reached, you run into one of the stalls and exhale the longest breath. What is happening to you? 

It’s been a month since Jongin. You swore off men – then again, you swear off men every time you go through a breakup. Never mind that, why did you shake his hand?! Getting a feel of his touch is making you think of much more than a friendly handshake. Oh, it’s making you think of things that you should not be thinking of. 

“I wonder what his hands would feel around my” You catch yourself talking aloud before burying your face in your hands and releasing the loudest groan you possibly could. You’re so glad this is a karaoke bar, and you could still hear that man screeching from here. Maybe no one heard you groan in agony.  

“I should ground myself” You say before washing your hands in the sink. You look up at yourself in the mirror and point accusingly. “Snap out of it. You cannot be over Jongin yet!!! This is not healthy!!” 

You exhale one last time and prepare to go back out. As you pull the door open, you see a glimpse of the longest legs you’ve seen. You peek out a little more and see that familiar smile. You push the door shut and squeak in panic. He’s tall too?! 

All you hear is a roaring laugh on the other side. Why did you do that?! There’s no hiding anymore. You pull the door open again and smile, embarrassingly. “Oh hi!” 

“I’m sorry. Did I scare you?” He asks, still trying to hide his chuckles. “I just wanted to talk with you a little more. And maybe apologize if I’ve said anything to make you hide away in the washroom. Did I hear a scream?” 

“Oh it’s not you.” You pause, unsure if you should over share right now. You’re already in hell. There’s no going back from this horrible first impression. “I’m just going through a breakup and you… well you’re attractive. And I don’t do well with attractive men.” Op, there goes the word vomit.  

“You think I’m attractive?” He grins from ear to ear and now you’re noticing how long his ears are. Long legs, long ears, long… 

“I do.” You admit, cutting yourself off your dirty, dirty mind. “We should probably get back to the room.” You attempt to move past him but he takes a step to the right to stop you. 

“Wait, do you want to talk here? It’s a bit quieter.” He says, smile unable to escape his face. “You know, I have to be honest here. I know who you are. I knew you were Jihyo’s friend. I’ve been trying to introduce myself for the longest time.” 

“Oh?” You’re puzzled. Bemused? Confused. You have never seen this man before. Why did Sehun never mention Chanyeol in the past? He is literally your type. 

“I have so many questions.” Your hands go flying in the air as you shake your head in disbelief. You’re grinning, excited that this Chanyeol has been trying to get your attention. There goes your little bathroom pep talk.  

“First, how do you know Sehun?” You ask, trying to piece together this puzzle. You have known Sehun since your college days. Granted you weren’t the closest of friends, but still close enough to want to hang out at parties. Jihyo was a lot closer to him than you were. 

“We actually went to high school together. We were on the same basketball team.” He says as he reaches your side to lightly nudge you aside to let someone pass. Your glance follows his hand’s movement. You pout a bit as you watch him let go of you in a second. “It’s a bit crazy how we haven’t been introduced yet. After all these years.” 

Your eyebrows furrow a bit. “This is insane. That would mean we have gone…” 

You count the years on your fingertips. “4 years!!! Without meeting!! That is crazy!” You laugh. This man is absolutely gorgeous. And the fact that this is the first time you are talking is driving you a bit nuts.  

“Yeah!!” He laughs with you. “Another honesty moment. You’re kind of my crush.. And I was kind of hoping to ask you-” He blushes. He runs his fingertips through his hair and you can’t help but let your mind wander. You watch as his biceps slowly reveal themselves to you. He’s flexing and you can’t help but open your mouth slightly. Without thinking, you reach out to touch them. “On a date…” 

Your eyes widen when he drops his arm and your hand is stuck in his armpit. He turns his head to the hand, mouth opening and closing like he wants to say something.  

“I’m so sorry!!!!” You exclaim embarrassingly, ripping your hand out of there. You speed past him and immediately exit the building. You know something is wrong with you when you can’t help but grin like an idiot when you rethink of what he said. He wants to go on a date with you.  

Reality hits you as hard as that cold 2am breeze does: not anymore. 

— 

“You put your hand in his armpit?” Jihyo asks. You can’t tell if it’s concern written on her face or if she’s trying to hold back a laugh. 

“The man confesses and I wedged it in there by accident. I’m gonna cry.” Your head is banging on the dining table. Smashing the memory out of your head. You can’t convince yourself it was worth feeling his biceps. 

“Well lucky for you, Chanyeol is literally the awkward-est guy Sehun knows. If anyone was gonna get your hand in their armpit, it would be him.” She pats you on the back, comforting you as best as she could. “And he’s been crushing on you all these years so I’m sure he’s grateful you’re even touching him.” 

Something awakens in you. 

“Oh yeah! What do you mean he’s been crushing on me all this time? Why has no one told me this before? He is the definition of FINE. I can’t believe you let me date all these men and not once have you or Sehun suggested I go for Chanyeol.” You start rambling. Absolutely astonished that your friends would hide this man from you. Not hide, but put him out of your sight? 

“Well, Chanyeol is a special guy… and you are… well… always sad, heartbroken, emotionally unavailable.” She gives you a very awkward and uncomfortable smile, trying her best as not to offend you. “There was never a proper time to introduce you both. You were always getting over the next guy. Chanyeol is one of Sehun’s oldest friends and…”  

You cut her off with a sigh. You’ve really been a hot mess all these years. “No need to worry about Chanyeol’s feelings. I’m sure I ruined it by sticking this in his pit.” You say bitterly, lifting the culprit up in the air.  

“Go ahead, punish me.” Jihyo bursts out in laughter before lightly slapping your hand with hers. “Ugh, Chanyeol’s so hot.” 

- 

Mid June  

The next time you see Chanyeol was a bit unexpected. You see him at the first Friday DJ event of the season. He’sstanding with a couple of guys you recognize from Sehun’s parties. He’s wearing a black wifebeater with dark blue jeans with a silver chain hanging in the belt loops. He’s wearing a mix of puka shell and silver necklaces. You’re at a loss of words. He’s glistening from the sunset’s glow. He tanned since the last time you saw him and the sun is making that so painfully obvious. 

He’s sipping on a drink as he tells his little jokes, making everyone around him burst in laughter. Oh, he got jokes.  

Something overcomes you and you start walking towards the sun-kissed man. Your mind goes blank. It’s been 2 months and you’ve forgotten all about the pit incident. You’re practically marching, determined to woo Park Chanyeol back.  

You almost trip when a grip around your wrist stops you. You follow the owner of the hand and give him a bored look.   

“Where you going in a hurry?” Jongin smirks because although he broke up with you, you’re still very friendly.  

“I’m going to say hi to some friends.” You explain, not making it obvious that you’re actually going to hit on Chanyeol.  

“Then let’s go together.” Jongin slips his hand into yours, almost too comfortably. You forgot to mention that you may have relapsed. You never said you were back together, but you’ve definitely been together in other ways since April. Youre not sure why Jongin would feel comfortable holding your hand in public. You don’t think you’re a cheater. This isn’t cheating, you comfort yourself. You shake your head. You can be honest with Jongin. Because as much as it didn’t work out with him, he’s proven himself to be a better friend following the breakup.  

“Wait-” You’re now the one stopping him, letting go of Jongin’s hand. He watches with a confused look in his eye. “I wasn’t going to go there and say hi to friends. I barely know them. I was, maybe, hoping to talk to that guy over there.” You nod in Chanyeol’s direction, showing Jongin the new guy you are infatuated with. He follows your line of sight and you watch as one of his eyebrows raises, like he’s judging you.  

“Chanyeol?” He says it, almost concerned for you, as if he wasn’t your type. “But he’s so… grungy… and you’re so ✨fairy princess✨” He waves his hands in a rainbow arc, emphasizing ‘fairy princess’.  

“I could introduce you to him but I’m warning you he’s kind of awkward.” Jongin is acting like this is the worst decision you’ve ever made. His hand is on your shoulder, almost comforting you. Not sure why he would be comforting you but it feels that way. 

“Oh, we’ve been introduced. Remember the armpit story?” You remind him and you see Jongin’s go from comforting to horrified.  

“And you’re going back?!” He blurts out. He thinks you are insane. He knew you liked men a little too much than the average person but this was going too far. “What? Is your conscience absent today?” He pokes the side of your head with his index finger. Before you can even knock his hand off you, Chanyeol appears behind Jongin. 

“Hi guys!” Chanyeol is chipper and for some reason, looks excited to see you. He puts his knuckle up to Jongin and he immediately reciprocates the gesture. Your frame, not once, leaving Chanyeol’s sight. You gulp, the closer he is, the more you can see the sweat from this hot day. And the more sweat, the more dirty-minded you got. You wonder how hard you’d have to fuck him to get him hot and sweaty like this. There’s a pit growing in your stomach, like you’re anxious to even open your mouth, worried that you’ll say your dirty thoughts aloud. 

He’s still looking in your direction. Then he asks, “How are you? I haven’t seen you since Sehun’s birthday. You didn’t come to Baekhyun or Junmyeon’s birthday?” 

Jongin shoots you a knowing look. He knows where you’ve been. You’ve been fucking him to get your mind off Chanyeol. You want to wipe off that stupid grin off his face. 

“Ahh- I’ve been busy.” You shoot a glare at Jongin who is looking so dumb right now. He has a grin on that’s practically singing I know where you’ve been. 

Chanyeol nods, now sharing his gaze at both you and Jongin. “Are you two back together?” Maybe it’s the wishful thinking, but he seems almost disappointed. Maybe you didn’t completely lose all chances with him.  

“Absolutely not.” You smile, doing your best to reassure Chanyeol that you are most definitely single and ready to get in his bed. You see Jongin’s jaw drop in offense.  

“I’m hurt. Truly.” He fakes his pain by clutching his chest jokingly. “I’ll let you guys catch up. Or whatever.” He leaves, leaving you alone with Chanyeol. You’re smiling up at him and nodding awkwardly to the beats the DJ is playing. You’re both grinning like idiots, Chanyeol opening and closing his mouth repeatedly, attempting to say something, anything. 

“So you a big fan of throwback mixes?” Chanyeol breaks the tension. He’s such a saint. He is still smiling despite our last meeting being incredibly embarrassing. You would’ve understood if he didn’t want anything to do with you. But you are so so glad that he still does. 

“I am! And I love any kind of DJ sets that are free before 7pm.” You smile, excited to talk about music. You might not be a musician, but you have a great ear for music. You love to discover different sorts of sounds. “And the drinks aren’t overpriced which is great.” 

“Right?! I got this long island iced tea for $5!” He says, excitingly, raising his hand in front of you and showing you all five of his fingers. His excitement look turns into a bemused expression.  

Your hand is on his. You high-fived him.  

And left it there 3 seconds longer than you should have.  

“I’m gonna go jump off that bridge over there.” You point at the bridge that separates this city from the neighbouring borough. This can’t be happening. You are usually a lot smoother than this. You pulled Jongin, didn’t you? Why is it so hard for you to talk to Chanyeol without inappropriately touching him? 

“No, please, don’t.” Chanyeol manages to catch you before you escape for a second time. You look back at him and he is still smiling at you comfortingly. You can’t tell if he’s genuinely a nice guy or just a sociopath. “I think you’re cute. Please don’t go. We can talk some more. I love mixes too. My friend is the DJ. He said he would be adding Paramore to the set list. Do you like Paramore?” Chanyeol starts to babble, distracting you from the thought of ever leaving.  

“Come,” He pulls you towards an empty picnic table. “Wait here! I’ll be right back! Don’t go, okay?” He looks at you, waiting for reassurance. You nod slowly, still embarrassed out of your mind. You watch him disappear into the growing crowd. You can’t help but let your head drop onto the dirty table. When did you become such a creep? 

You were easy going, not awkward. You didn’t have awkward moments. That was never a part of your character. You never understood it when people wouldn’t confess to their crushes when you would do it with ease. Now you do. Because Chanyeol is perfection disguised as a tall, fluffy haired man. He makes you nervous and makes butterflies flutter in your stomach. He makes your head go empty and smile like an idiot to anything he says.  

“Okay! I got us some nachos, poutine, chips and drinks. Pick your poison.” He drops a bunch of food on the table. How he managed to carry all of this with 2 arms is a mystery. You are so enamoured with this man. You smile softly at the man before you and grab one of the canned drinks. He grins, taking a seat down and leans his cheek on his left palm. “You’re really pretty, you know.” 

“Sehun says you’re out of my league. And that I’m reaching too close to the sun.” He’s looking at you like you painted the beautiful sunset sky. His eyes are shimmering and you don’t think anyone’s ever looked at you this way. Not even Jongin who you thought was the love of your life not too long ago. 

“Sehun only knows what Jihyo tells him.” You explain, grabbing a fork from Chanyeol’s right hand. You poke at the poutine, stabbing some fries with an appropriate amount of cheese. You mouth “ah” to Chanyeol who immediately submits to you. You smirk, ah, she’s still got it. You feed him the bite. He bites onto it, not breaking eye contact. You watch him open a bag of chips and grab a piece. He returns the favour and feeds you. You chuckle, covering your mouth as you chew it. He’s smiling so widely. You can’t possibly imagine what he’s been thinking. 

♫⋆｡♪ So what are you gonna do ₊˚♬ ﾟ. 

“I can’t believe they hid you from me all these years.” Both of you take turns feeding each other. As cheesy as it is, it’s really fun. Chanyeol took a nacho chip and added poutine onto it and made you take a bite. Before you could reject it, it was in your mouth. You almost choke because you want to laugh.  

♫⋆｡♪ When the world don’t orbit around you ₊˚♬ ﾟ. 

“And I can’t believe it took me this long to get to you. It feels unreal.” He says before you shove the nacho chip with extra jalapeños on it. He actually chokes and spits it out, making you burst out in laughter. Your head falls back and you almost fly out of the bench.  

Chanyeol’s eyes widen and gets up to catch you from across the table. He catches your wrist and pulls you up with a tug. He pulls a bit too hard and suddenly, you’re basically breathing the same air.  

♫⋆｡♪ Ain’t it fun? Living in the real world ₊˚♬ ﾟ. 

You watch him gulp, nervous of the close proximity. Lucky for him, you live for moments like this. You grin as you reach for his jaw and lean even closer. Your lips meet his and suddenly his grip around your wrist loosens and finds its way to the back of your neck instead. He tilts your head to the side, kissing you a lot more passionately now that he’s holding you. He slowly pulls away and looks down at you lovingly, “I’ve been waiting so long to do that.” 

With Chanyeol, it feels like your worries with heartbreak have been erased. 

— 

Chanyeol and you danced the rest of that night. Jumping and singing to songs that reminded you of your childhoods. You can’t remember the last time you had that much fun. Who knew you’d end up dating the pop rock kind of guy?  

He gave you a lift home that night and gave you the sweetest goodbye kiss. You still dream about that first date. The way he looked at golden hour. The way he reassured you after you made a fool of yourself the second time. The way he caught you from falling and you shared your first kiss. It was the definition of perfect. 

The only issue now is that he isn’t asking you out on another date. You’ve been texting and calling every day and night, but he hasn’t asked you when you’d see him next. You’ve created a playlist together before he asked you out.  

And now, you’re unsure if you’re used to rushing things or if this is just how normal people date. You call Jongin for help.  

“Did we rush into things?” You ask. You hope Jongin doesn’t find it weird that you’re asking him for relationship advice.  

“I didn’t. You might’ve” He says with an accusatory tone. “Did you forget why we broke up?” 

“Because you said you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore?” You ask, kind of bored. If this was March, you would’ve been a mess. 

“Well yeah, but mainly because I felt like you wanted something a bit more serious a bit too soon. Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re amazing but it’s just not what I was looking for. Now, the booty calls, on the other hand, that was more my speed.” Jongin explains. You ignore his booty call comment. So maybe you do rush a bit.  

“Alright… I guess I’ll wait for Chanyeol to ask me out.” You sigh into the phone before plopping yourself onto your couch. 

“What do you mean?”  

“Chanyeol. He hasn’t asked me out since that event.”  

“Wasn’t that like a week ago? Oh yeah, you’re fucked.” 

You groan aloud before ending the call. Well, that didn’t help. 

— 

July 

It is now 2 weeks since that DJ event and Chanyeol is still not asking you out. He’s texting you, calling you, flirting with you. He’s doing all of the above, except trying to see you again. And you are tired of waiting. 

One minute you’re on your couch, texting Chanyeol about new songs you found. The next you’re at the doorstep to his apartment building. Sehun shared it with you after many, many pleads. He didn’t want to share it because what if “he’s just not that into you”. But you knew, the way you interacted and communicated daily was not reason for you to be delusional with this.  

You scan the buttons, looking for his name. Your finger floats on each name until it reaches the bottom of the list. 

Park Chanyeol, 801 

You take a deep breath as you prepare to press the button to his apartment number. Your phone interrupts, your ringtone blasting in the silence. You struggle to take it out of your back pocket, your nail extensions making it a bit difficult for you. You manage to pull it out and find Chanyeol calling you. Out of pure instinct, you search around you frantically.  

And there he is. He’s standing outside with groceries in hand, grinning at you with his phone raised to his ear.  

You slowly put the phone to your ear and gulp. You tap the green phone symbol.  

“Hi,” You say with a sheepish smile, caught in a oddly suspicious position.  

“Hi.” He responds with his grin growing wider and wider. He’s clearly enjoying this. Maybe he is a sociopath. Maybe he gets off embarrassing you. “Whatcha doing?” 

“Getting my mail?” You laugh at yourself. What are you supposed to say to your crush? That you couldn’t wait 2 weeks for him to ask you out so you pester your mutual friend for his address? You hear Chanyeol chuckle before hanging up and going up the two steps to meet you. He scans his keycard and opens the door, leaving a foot on the door to let you in.  

“Come in.” He welcomes you with a faint smile, gesturing you to go through the door. He follows behind you, entering the elevator with you. “It’s the 8th floor.” He says, his hands still full with groceries. You press the button, suppressing a smile from blushing too much. You can’t believe you actually came here. You offer to hold one of the bags but he shakes his head and gives you a polite smile.  

“It’ll be the last one in the hall. On your right.” You nod awkwardly. You’re dying inside. If he thought you were being creepy, he wouldn’t be inviting you in right? What if he’s the creepy one? What if he’s the one luring you right into his trap like the sociopath you think he is? What if this is the reason Sehun and Jihyo didn’t want you to go for Chanyeol? 

The elevator dings and the doors open slowly. He gestures for you to go first like the gentleman he is. You exit, following his instructions to his apartment. 805, 804, 803, 802 and finally, 801, You count to yourself, looking up at Chanyeol for confirmation. He nods and punches in his code. It unlocks and you’re met with his baby girl Zzar who you’ve only seen through video call.  

“Zzar!!” You exclaim, crouching down to her level to greet her. She charges towards you and hops onto your lap immediately, licking your fingers as you attempt to pet her. “Oh my precious girl. You’re even cuter in person.”  

You look up to find Chanyeol watching you intently, same soft smile on his face as he watches Zzar warm up to you immediately.  

“She’s not usually this friendly.”  

“Yeah right, I used to tell that to every guy that walked into my apartment when I had a dog.” You laugh as you let her go and greet her owner, standing up to meet his stare. The smile now disappeared and you’re met with an eyebrow raise. “Oh, it was a joke!” You attempt to reassure him but you both know you’re not really joking because if he really has been pining for you for 4 years. He would know that you had many, and you mean many, ex-boyfriends. 

“Ah okay!” He turns back into the chipper man you know and invites you in. He lets things go easily, you guess. “Mi casa es su casa! Don’t mind the mess. I didn’t know you were coming over.” 

You blush again out of embarrassment. He hasn’t asked why you’re here yet but you know he’s confused to see you here. You’re just lucky he has a crush on you so he’s being overly nice to you about it. He follows behind you as you look around you, inspecting his living space. There are an abundance of instruments. Theres a keyboard by the amazing view of a window. He has a guitar rack filled with all sorts of expensive and vintage guitars. There’s a variety of headphones spread out in every corner of the living room. It’s your dream apartment. Now you’re even angrier that he didn’t ask you to his place sooner.  

Chanyeol removes his shoes completely and drops the groceries onto the island. You follow him and peak at the groceries, standing on your tiptoes, almost hovering in his personal space. You look up at Chanyeol who is staring down at you, bewildered by you. He finds this amusing for some reason. He hasn’t asked you why you’re here and it’s kind of driving you a bit insane. The anxiety is building up.  

“Here,” He passes you some mushrooms from the bag. “Could you wash these and slice them? Do you like anchovies? I’m making a rice soup.” 

He watches as you gleam, taking the mushrooms happily. The smile emanating from his face is enough to ease the anxiety. “I love fish!” You say excitingly before you head to the sink to rinse the mushrooms in the sink. You have never been so happy to wash fungi before. “Where should I cut these?” 

“Right here, beside me.” He pats the space near him on the island. He’s still unpacking the rest of the produce onto the table, organizing it on the table in order of what he might need first – you’re assuming. You grab a cutting board from the dish rack, the mushrooms and a knife before waddling your way over beside him. You’re so close to him. You can smell the mix of sweat and cologne on him. You want to burry your face in his chest and take the biggest sniff – anything to calm your anxiety. You think standing beside is close enough for now. 

He disappears from beside you and you watch him walk to the living room, grabbing a remote to turn on his speakers. “What are we in the mood for?” He turns to you with a coy smile. He’s now approaching you, phone facing you and displaying your shared playlist. 

You grab it gladly and browse his library for anything that sparks interest. He watches you light up and immediately, the speakers start playing a sulky sound.  

♫⋆｡♪ I wanna be your vaccuum cleaner ₊˚♬ ﾟ. 

“Ahh... Making it obvious now, are we?” He tilts his head slightly, now leaning over the island. Chanyeol follows your now shifty eyes. You’re not stupid. He’s not stupid. You chose this song for a reason, but you can’t help but feel so nervous. Chanyeol makes you feel like your high school crush is noticing you for the first time and your insides are a mess. The butterflies are growing and they are flapping like they need to escape. 

“I... don’t know what you mean.” You play dumb, challenging him to this flirtatious game.  

“Uh-huh, I Wanna Be Yours. Not exactly subtle, my dear.” He flicks a finger under your chin, quick, light, teasing, just enough to stop your breath.  

One more second of this and you’re sure to unravel completely. 

“Okay, get to slicing.” He instructs, straightening up, snapping you out of your trance. You lower your gaze to the mushrooms, obediently grabbing the knife to start slicing, but mainly to hide the redness in your cheeks. He’s smirking, knowing exactly what he was doing. And worse, he was enjoying it. 

--  

Chanyeol finishes cooking while you wait at the island, managing the music. He’s setting up your bowls nicely like you’re at a restaurant. It makes you think, maybe he has some kitchen and waiter experience. The way he was able to manage all that food on your first date and now plating the most exquisite smelling dish. “Alright, looks like we’re done. We make a good team, don’t we?”  

“I think so too.” You giggle, grabbing the utensils and following him to the dining area. He mutters a quick ‘thank you’ before setting down the bowls.  

“Make sure you mix it well. It brings out the flavour. Bon appétit!” He exclaims, watching expectantly for you to take the first bite. His lower lip has been sucked in due to anticipation. You mix the soup and scoop out a bunch of ingredients, heavy on the mushrooms and anchovies.  

Immediately, you are met with a colourful mix of flavours. It’s not too fishy. It’s a clearing broth that feels like it could cleanse your soul. It reminds you of your mom. She used to cook lots of broth-based meals and this took you back, just like it did for that critic from Ratatouille. 

“This is amazing!!” You blurt, smiling wide at the man who cooked for you. He looks ecstatic, eyes shining brightly at the compliment. 

“Yeah? You like it?” He exhales in relief. “I wasn’t sure. When Sehun said you were coming over, I wasn’t sure if you’d enjoy this kind of meal.”  

You choke on your meal mid-bite.  

You clear your throat then just... stare at Chanyeol, embarrassed that Sehun told him. The more you think about it, the more it’s obvious that only Sehun could rat you out like this. 

“He told you?” You ask, weakly, embarrassed once more. You bury your face in your hands, absolutely mortified. Chanyeol reaches to lower them and smiles softly. 

“It’s fine. I don’t mind, really. It’s really nice to see you again. I’m glad you came over.” He tries to reassure you but this only reminds you of why you got here in the first place. 

“You wanted to see me?” You squint your eyes in suspicion. Chanyeol stiffens, noting the change of mood, a bit intimidated and confused by this new expression on your face. 

“Chanyeol.” You say his name with a serious tone. “I’ve been waiting 2 weeks for you to ask me out. I came marching here to yell at you! I know we’ve been texting every day but I really like you and I can’t be waiting 2 weeks every time I want to see you.” 

You blurt out the speech you rehearsed on the way here and take a breath. “I thought you liked me.” You say, sadly, a pout now growing on your face. You watch as Chanyeol’s face grows uncomfortable but he reaches out to you anyways, taking your hand in his. Your emotions take over and suddenly you’re tearing up.  

“I do like you.” It doesn’t take long for him to reassure you of his feelings. “I just… I was hoping to go at a slow place… You’ve just… dated a lot of people and they all ended... quickly…”  

“This is too slow.” You attempt to pull back but his grip tightens slightly, careful not to hurt you but still refraining you from leaving his grasp.  

“Please,” He pleads, his face turning serious. “I’ve been waiting 4 years for this. I want to do this right. Please, trust me. I promise we will go on a second date. We’ll go on so many dates!”  

He brings your hands to his lips, pressing a quick kiss on your knuckles. “I promise I was going to ask you this week, but you beat me to it.” He laughs and you can’t help but scoff at him. 

“You know, when Sehun said you were marching here, I didn’t believe him. I got groceries just in case but I never expected you to actually show up. You’re really something else, huh?” He admits, sounding impressed at your determination. 

“I get nervous easily and need answers quickly. We can go slow… but can you please let me know where you’re at?” You ask, half laughing half embarrassed. 

He nods immediately in response. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have waited this long. Please don’t cry.” A tear slips down your face before you even realize it’s there. Chanyeol is quick to wipe the small tear with his thumb. “I promise to reassure every step of the way.” 

— 

End July 

You and Chanyeol were invited to Jongin’s best friend’s birthday. You’ve met Taemin a handful of times and you always had a great time with him. Chanyeol is still a bit hesitant letting you hangout with Jongin alone, so he accepted your extended invite. Yes, he was a bit jealous but more so that he hasn’t fully claimed you his yet and everything was still fair game. You told him about that 2 month relapse you had when you were trying to get over armpit-gate.  

At least you were thinking of him when you were doing it, Chanyeol likes to comfort himself with that thought.  

Things were going fairly well. Slow. But good. 

Chanyeol has been sweet to you. He finally took you out on that second date. He brought you to a karaoke bar to recreate your first meeting. Doing his absolute best to replace that embarrassing memory for you — and mostly because he’s a tiny bit scared you’ll go back to Jongin.  

Jongin greets you both at the door, fist-bumping Chanyeol as soon as he sees him. “Welcome guys!! I’m so glad you could make it. Taemin’s gonna be so happy.” 

“Oh god, I missed you!” Jongin pulls you in for a warm hug. “Chanyeol has been hogging you, I swear.” He mutters in your hair, low but loud enough for you to hear. You shoot him a warning look. “Be nice.” You mutter under your breath in response. 

Chanyeol smiles politely. A quick glance at him tells you he might be regretting his decision to come here. He’s smiling but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You gulp anxiously. 

Almost on cue, Chanyeol’s hand finds its way to your lower back and tilts his head playfully so you can see that he is smiling and he is planning to have an enjoyable time. You ease up immediately, grateful that he’s so relaxed for you.  

You gasp in excitement when you see Taemin. “Taem!! Happy Birthday!!” You run to the birthday boy and hug him tightly. If there is one thing you loved about your relationship with Jongin, it’s that he introduced you to Taemin. He is the most fun person to hang out with. You two could be kicking rocks in a parking lot and you’d be a giggling mess together. Jongin had to limit the amount of time you spent together from how jealous he was of your instant connection. 

Taemin screams your name in excitement and reciprocate the hug. “I missed you! Maybe now that you and Jongin are done, we can hang out more!” He says excitedly, both of you jumping for joy.  

Chanyeol tenses as he watches the interaction between the two of you. Jongin notices immediately.  

“He’s harmless.” Jongin laughs, trying to ease the tension. “Taemin and her clicked right away. They have a lot in common, but he would never cross that line.” Chanyeol turns his head so he’s looking at Jongin. Was he being obvious? 

“Just, relax.” Jongin tries to calm him. Chanyeol isn’t used to being told to relax. Usually, he’s the one doing the calming.  

Chanyeol exhales and mutters under his breath. “I am relaxed.” He’s quick to change his face, smiling as soon as he caught you turn back around, trying to get his attention. 

“Taemin, this is Chanyeol. Chanyeol, this is Taemin.” Chanyeol grabs his hand and shakes it politely, smiling as he always.  

You feel Jongin pass behind you. “He’s getting jealous.” He mutters a warning as he slips behind and goes to stand beside Taemin.  

“Drinks and snacks are in the kitchen. Please no drinks on the carpet. Let’s have some fun!” Jongin exclaims, clasping his hands together before he waves you all to join the rest of the party in the living room. You tug onto Chanyeol’s oversized shirt. He turns to look at you, brows widened at the sudden action. 

“Are you okay?” You ask quietly.  

You watch his gaze soften. His eyes are studying your face, and he can’t stop the smile from forming. His hand slips onto your waist and pulls you in. “I’m great.” He gives you a quick peck on the lips. “But maybe a little less hugging Taemin?”  

You blink at him, laugh escaping your mouth. “You’re jealous.” 

He scoffs, “Is that what that was?” He jokes, his mood lightened by your teasing.  

“You’re so cute when you’re jealous.” You grin, giving him a light tap on the nose.  

“You guys are so close...” Chanyeol sighs, biting his lip, embarrassed by the jealousy overcoming him. You tilt your head, almost teasing him. “He’s-” 

“Harmless, I know.” Chanyeol finishes your sentence. You feel his grip tighten slightly around your waist. You look up at him, concerned. “Jongin told me. I just-” He sighs, trying to find the words. 

“Chanyeol,” You say seriously. “I came here with you.” 

“I know,” He rubs his hands around your waist anxiously. Scared of what you’ll think of him. “I guess it’s my turn to be reassured.” He lowers his gaze, shying away from yours. 

You smile, then slide your hand to the back of his neck and pull him down to your level, kissing him deliberately in front of your friends. You pull back, finding his ears have gone red. 

“Is that better?” You ask, knowing the answer. He laughs, chasing your lips to give them one last peck. 

“Better.” 

-- 

August 

Chanyeol is on his way to the neighbourhood park where he’ll meet Sehun for a game of basketball. He’s dribbling the ball giddily. You got him this new headband to keep his hair out of his face and he finally got the chance to wear it. Chanyeol loves how thoughtful you are. He thinks things are going smoothly between you two. He’s almost ready to pop the question. 

“Oi,” Chanyeol turns around to the sound of Sehun’s call. Sehun waves before jogging to his side. “You’re early.” His eyes shift to the headband and he raises an eyebrow. “Nice headband.” 

“Thanks!” Chanyeol chirps, touching the accessory in his hair. They enter the gated court and Chanyeol bounces the ball to Sehun, letting him start the game. Sehun catches and immediately goes for the throw. He shoots. 

“So you’re really going to ask her?” Sehun catches the ball and resets the game passing the ball to Chanyeol, now his turn to shoot. He does his best to block him but Chanyeol fakes a left and shoots it right in the net. 

“I think I am.” Chanyeol smiles widely, hair bouncing up and down as he lands to the ground.  

“You think? 4 Years and you still need to think about it.” Sehun scoffs, stealing the ball from him and jumps for a layup. 

“Well, it hasn’t been 4 years for her. It’s new for her. I want this done right.” Chanyeol reaches for the ball with one hand and dribbles it away from Sehun.  

“Okay, well, you know how she is. Don’t take too long. You know she doesn’t do slow.” Sehun says the obvious. Chanyeol knows what he’s doing. He didn’t wait 4 years to crash and burn. He played the long game and hopefully, it bears good fruit.  

"I know, that’s why I’m gonna do it carefully. It’s going to be perfect.” Chanyeol smiles, shooting a clean 3-pointer. 

“Alright then, don’t fuck it up.” Sehun laughs, pointing a finger at Chanyeol playfully. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Chanyeol smirks, stealing the ball back. 

-- 

September 

Jihyo invited you to her place for an overdue girls night. She misses you. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Chanyeol and you have been neglecting your friendship a little bit. You come over bringing her favourite snacks and lots of flavoured soju. 

“Did I mention I love you?” She says when she sees the flavour of the soju. “Grapefruit, my one and only.” She caresses the green bottle in her arms like a baby, swaying it fondly.  

“You’re crazy.” You laugh, taking out the snacks and folding the plastic bag neatly.  

“Mhm, not as crazy as you are.” She stops, looking at you judgingly. “Tell me why you haven’t slept with him yet. This is record-breaking for you.” 

You snort, sometimes forgetting how forward Jihyo is. “We’re going slow.” 

“Slow is craaaazy. It’s about to be fall. Your birthday is coming up and you don’t even know what this man’s dick looks like.” She has her stank face on in pure disgust. She thinks this is out of character for you which it is but you are turning a new leaf. For Chanyeol, you would turn all the falling leaves. 

“Jihyo, I’m serious! We’re going slow and it’s going great!” You exclaim, trying to convince her that her friend is exactly where she wants to be.  

“If I hear the words ‘we’re going slow’ one more time, I’m going to have an aneurysm.” She jokes but her face is so serious. She’s good at staying deadpan while joking like this so this does not bother you at all. “Besides, it’s been 4 years for him. How much slower can you get?” 

“It’s only been 6 for me.” You try to justify it, defending Chanyeol’s choice to go at his pace. 

“And by week 2, you were riding Jongin’s cock in the back of his Lexus.” She counters, raising her eyebrows with a knowing look. You blush, she’s not wrong. “All this to say, I think he’s made you wait long enough. Man, even my patience is wearing thin. Don’t let him take it too far.” 

“Now, what movie do you wanna watch?” She asks, as if she didn’t just drop a bomb into your relationship. What are you waiting for, exactly? 

-- 

It’s the middle of September. The trees now look colourful some leaves yellow, some leaves orange and some still green. The season of change is finally here which means your birthday is approaching. You think about this while cuddling up to Chanyeol, your head is on his lap while he has a hand on your hip. He’s rubbing you comfortingly. His touch is warm and familiar. You feel at home. You turn your head slightly so you’re now facing up at him. You stare at him, studying his face. He’s watching the movie so intently. His brows have furrowed from the tension. All you hear is the score growing with suspenseful sounds and a suspiciously long silence from the main characters.  

As if he can feel your stare, he looks down and smiles at you. He lowers himself to give you a short kiss on the lips. Your hand finds its way to the back of his neck and you pull him back for another kiss, this time, for longer, deeper and more passionate. Chanyeol’s hand moves from your hip to your lower back, supporting you as you arch your back towards him. You want more of him. Your tongue slips into his mouth and you hear a moan escape from his lips, feeling the vibrations in your mouth. Chanyeol pulls back again but you’re quick to chase him. You sit up and adjust yourself so that you’re straddling him. His hands find his way back to your hips and you watch him gulp nervously. You’re both breathing a bit heavier, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. 

“You’ve been thinking about this, haven’t you?” Chanyeol murmurs, his voice low; it sends shivers down your spine. “Answer me.” He hikes you up higher on his lap, making you squeal unexpectedly and nod in response. You can feel his member growing under you. He wants this as much as you do. You sway your hip back and forth slowly, making him squirm under you. He’s looking up at you, eyes pleading for you to continue. You bite your lip before you comb your fingers through his hair and lean in for another kiss. He gladly receives you, pushing his lips in motion with yours. You continue to sway your hips as you continue to make out. The kisses are growing more demanding each second. His hands are gripping your sides stronger, helping you move against him. 

He moves his lips to your neck, planting soft and wet kisses on every surface he can find. When he couldn’t find anymore space to kiss, he moved lower to your chest, getting a little frustrated that there is fabric in his way. “Take this off.” He demands before helping you take off your tshirt and tossing it behind him. He doesn’t care that it lands on the guitar rack and immediately attacks your breast, wrapping one nipple with his hot mouth and swirling his tongue around. He wraps his hand around the other, massaging it as he sucks on it. You’re looking down at him, moaning at the pleasure while combing his hair with your fingers, gripping it tightly whenever he sucks a little harder.  

“Chanyeol,” You moan, grabbing his chin and kissing him sloppily. He looks up, his eyes hungry for more of you. “Touch me.” You take his hand from your side and place it over your heat, practically begging for him to give you what you want. Chanyeol nods obediently as he sticks his hand in your sweatpants and swipes against your slit. It slides so easily. His mouth is slightly open, turned on by how wet you are.  

“You want me this bad, my love?” He asks, taking out his hand and spreading his fingers to show you how wet and gushy you are. The discharge spreads like a web and he smiles, never quitting the eye contact battle you were currently in. He licks it from the base to the top before putting the 2 fingers in his mouth and moaning. “You taste so good. Let me taste some more.”  

He moves you quickly so you’re on your back on the couch. He shimmies your sweatpants off you and kisses your panties. His tongue finds its way on the fabric and he gives your heat a light swipe, his eyes never leaving yours. You moan his name, antsy to get him to just fuck you already. But this is what Chanyeol likes. Slow and steady. He moves the underwear to the side instead of removing it completely and touches your wetness. You gasp at the warm touch. Chanyeol liked that and finds your clit, rubbing it in circles. “You’re so wet, baby.” Chanyeol takes his member out and starts rubbing himself, stroking himself up and down as he goes to eat your pussy. He sucks on your clit then swirls his tongue in circles, teasing you like crazy. Your hips arch when his tongue finds its way inside you. You didn’t think it was possible but he was flicking his tongue inside so fast; you felt like you were already getting close. Your feet were scrunching. You were gripping the sofa, his hair, anything you could find so you don’t lose your mind at how good he was. He moans, the vibrations sending you into oblivion. “Fuck” You swear, approaching your climax. Chanyeol suddenly adds his fingers and you’re gone. He’s fucking you at the perfect rhythm while sucking on your clit. Your eyes are shut so tight you were seeing the entire rainbow. Your back was arching so much Chanyeol had to use his other hand to ground you to the sofa. Your hand was gripping his hair so tightly as you released yourself in his mouth, tightening around his fingers. He slows down his pace and chuckles. “Yes baby.” 

You feel like a hot sweaty mess. You pull him up to kiss him, desperate to taste yourself on him. He pulls back, a string of saliva coming out as you grab a breath of air. “My turn.” You say, breathily. 

He shakes his head, “No, I think you’ve waited enough.” He licks the saliva off your face and puts it back into your mouth when he kisses you even harder. “My girl has proven to be so, so patient with me. I think I’ll just fuck you right now.” 

Your stomach turns and you can feel yourself get wetter. Chanyeol flips you on your stomach and kisses your pussy from behind, giving it a couple licks just for the love of the game, before he takes his cock and swipes it against you. He has your legs closed and straight as he straddles you from behind. You’re looking back at him, biting your lip as you watch him tease you with his cock. He’s rubbing it up and down, teasing you. You try to get up so you could just pounce on him and ride him until he cums but he grabs your hands and holds them together behind your back. “Uh oh, are you being impatient with me now? That’s not very nice of you.” His grip is strong around your wrists. He moves his cock away as punishment. “Apologize.” 

You bite your lip at how dominant he is. If there is one thing that turned you on, it was getting disciplined when you were being a brat. “I don’t wanna. Fuck me, Yeol.” You say, perfectly playing the part.  

“Oh?” His eyebrow raises before smirking, you feel him lean down against your back, his lips come close to your ears and he says, “I’ll fuck you so hard. You’ll forget how fucking bratty you’re being.”  

He shoves his cock inside of you and you groan together. His member is filling you up so fucking well. It feels so tight and full. He grabs your chin and turns it so he can kiss you. He pushes another into you. You moan, loving how hard his stroke has been. “More, baby?” 

“More, please.” You plead, almost crying at how much you want him to just go apeshit and fuck you already. Chanyeol kisses you on the cheek before slamming hard into you again, and this time he doesn’t stop. You’re both a moaning a mess. You’re doing your best to try and release his grip around your wrist so you could touch him but he doesn’t let you. Tears are forming in your eyes as the pleasure overwhelms you. He’s jackhammering into you, rushing you to climax. He takes one hand and puts it underneath you to rub your clit. He’s circling your clit with so much pressure, you can’t help but scream out his name in ecstasy. “Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol” You chant, like it’s the only word you know how to say. You can feel yourself come around him, tightening around his member. You’re squealing so loudly, you don’t even care if the neighbours complain. Chanyeol continues to thrust into you as he tries to reach his end too. Suddenly, you feel the warmth of his cum colour your walls and he’s thrown himself on top of you, sweaty and breathing so loudly in your ear. “Baby, I think I love you.”  

“Fuck, I love you too.” You respond, turning to kiss him, hungry for more.  

-- 

“Happy Birthday, my love!” Chanyeol shouts, removing your blindfold. You look around and the biggest grin reaches your face. He brought you to a recording studio. “We’re going to produce one of your songs, baby.”  

Your jaw drops, finding it hard to believe that this was happening. A few months ago, you were jotting down lyrics in your journal, never expecting to record any of it. 

“Come inside the booth.” Chanyeol pulls you inside the booth. Your eyes start to tear up when you scan the room and find your journal already sitting nicely on the music stand but instead of your lyrics, you read something else. “Will you be my girlfriend?” Chanyeol asks, grabbing flowers from behind a plant. They were your favourites: lilies and orchids arranged in a beautiful bouquet. You can’t answer him, crying instead at the overwhelming love you feel.  

You have been in and out of relationships for years. Each one feeling like the love of your life. You were wrong, so so wrong all those years. Because this, this is love. You nod, tears spilling out like a faucet. Chanyeol laughs, holding you in his embrace, his hug calming you down from all the heightened emotions. 

“I’ll take this as a yes, my love.” 

--