#mumof1

(Now come on guys and gals, we all have sex otherwise there wouldn’t be a need to talk about postpartum sex!!)

We’re finally going to talk about it. You’re really not given much advice or information about when to do it, how to do it, how it might feel, nothing really. Except for “wait at least 6 weeks.”

Well as you all know if you’ve been following me for a while, I had a c section to give birth to my daughter. This made my recommended wait time longer to about 8 weeks. Well it was yet again another thing I did NOT listen to. In fact I was 4 weeks postpartum when we first had sex again.

For some reason in my head I thought that because I hadn’t had a natural birth my vagina would be exactly the same as before and it would feel no different. I would just have to be careful of my incision and my belly.

Boy how wrong I was.... so apparently when your uterus contracts back after birth it affects your vagina too. It was like losing my virginity all over again!!! Wowzas!!! It was definitely not the most comfortable or enjoyable sex I’ve ever had.

However there are a lot of things that you need to take into consideration. Obviously if you have a vaginal birth, you need to be careful of stitches if you have them, you don’t want to pop a stitch because you didn’t wait long enough. If you’ve had a c section you have to be careful of your incision, the last thing you want to do is open that up.

So if you’ve ever been pregnant, you’ve got a mum tum!

It’s just a thing that comes with pregnancy! You grow this big belly that carries your precious baby and then when they’re born, unfortunately for most women it doesn’t go back to how it used to be. You end up with a saggy pouch of skin, maybe covered in stretch marks and if you have a c section, you’re also given a wonderful scar along your pubic line.

Now, I’ve NEVER liked my belly. I’ve always been a big girl and my belly has never been cute!! Since having Elizabeth I’m definitely a little more confident of my mum tum because it carried a baby. My biggest insecurity now, my c section scar. My lord I hate it. It’s just ugly. In fact this is the first time I’ve ever taken a picture of it. I don’t have any others. It’s gross, but it’s a reminder that Elizabeth had to come through there to live.

If she hadn’t been removed by c section, she’d have died. Then I would have had to have the surgery anyway. So I’m grateful for the scar.

Anyway, mums you have to learn to love your bellies because they’ve done something that men could never do. You’ve grown a human being for 9 months, be proud of that belly!!! It did you good!!

So if you’ve ever been pregnant, you’ve got a mum tum!

It’s just a thing that comes with pregnancy! You grow this big belly that carries your precious baby and then when they’re born, unfortunately for most women it doesn’t go back to how it used to be. You end up with a saggy pouch of skin, maybe covered in stretch marks and if you have a c section, you’re also given a wonderful scar along your pubic line.

Now, I’ve NEVER liked my belly. I’ve always been a big girl and my belly has never been cute!! Since having Elizabeth I’m definitely a little more confident of my mum tum because it carried a baby. My biggest insecurity now, my c section scar. My lord I hate it. It’s just ugly. In fact this is the first time I’ve ever taken a picture of it. I don’t have any others. It’s gross, but it’s a reminder that Elizabeth had to come through there to live.

If she hadn’t been removed by c section, she’d have died. Then I would have had to have the surgery anyway. So I’m grateful for the scar.

Anyway, mums you have to learn to love your bellies because they’ve done something that men could never do. You’ve grown a human being for 9 months, be proud of that belly!!! It did you good!!

Hello people.

I don’t know about anyone else at the minute but I’m so unmotivated to do anything. I just want to sit in my comfy clothes, no bra, eating food and drinking coffee. I don’t want to parent, dog parent or anything! Fuck housework!! Fuck showering!! Fuck anything!!!

I don’t know what it is. I’m kinda feeling poorly, like I can’t take a full breath but I don’t know if that’s I’m getting I’ll, COVID, or anxiety!!

I’m so extremely tired today. I was up till 2am this morning. Number 1 (and this is totally tmi!) unsatisfactory sex!! Putting it blank!! I was frustrated. Number 2, last week I ordered me and Elizabeth matching Christmas pjs, they were supposed to be ready to be collected last Saturday and they weren’t. So I emailed the company and they got back to me super late last night saying they’d lost my package. 🙄 but here’s £5 towards your next order with us and we’ll refund your money. Just re-order them. Couldn’t do that because Elizabeth’s size was out of stock! So I spent hours looking online for matching pjs! Finally found some but I’ve had to order 2 sizes too big for me! 👍🏻

Also.... we ordered a microwave off of Amazon last Tuesday on a Black Friday deal it was supposed to be delivered last Thursday! Long story short it’s the following Wednesday, still no microwave. It’s silly how you don’t realise how much you rely on a microwave until you don’t have one! I’ve spoke to Amazon customer service this morning and they told me it will DEFINITELY be delivered by Friday. I’m hoping it does because we paid £60 for this microwave in the Black Friday offer. It’s now £89!!!

I personally think it is hard for women to feel sexy once they’ve had a baby. Your body has changed forever in the 9 months you grew a human. In my case I put on 4 1/2 stone and I now have a huge scar across my pubic line and a belly pouch that’ll I’ll probably never shift due to my c section.

Great... my hips are also wider... double great... my hips were wide enough before!! 🙄

But in my case my perception of sexy has changed a lot. Before it was the tiny, skinny body and the huge, perky boobs, beautiful, healthy, long flowing hair and a face full of make up that changed your entire identity.

However now... chunky is sexy. I’m chunky and I feel sexy (sometimes) certain underwear or outfits that I wear make me feel sexy!! I’ve purchased more underwear sets since giving birth than I did before. Sexier ones too!! Honestly I feel great in them. Which is all that matters. I also have purchased more crop tops recently.. this for some reason has made me feel sexier. Take today for instance, I’m wearing a dinosaur crop top with a pair of joggers and matching Calvin Klein pants and sports bra, no make up, with my short hair straightened and I feel a solid 8/10 on the sexy scale!! I never would have felt that way before Elizabeth!

Maybe my confidence has shifted slightly, I don’t know but I like it! So mums it’s ok to feel sexy. You’re not a bad mum for wanting to feel good about yourself for a change! Enjoy it, embrace it and just have a good time with it!!!

Now I’d like to think I’m not the only one who has many quite racy pictures of herself on her phone that she shares with absolutely no one but herself every now and again. Even her boyfriend doesn’t get to see them, they’re purely for her eyes only!!

That’s me!!

However there’s this one picture I took when I was pregnant that I’ve been dying to show someone, anyone!! Because quite frankly I love it. I’m pregnant... obviously and in my underwear but it’s so special to me! It’s actually the ONLY picture from my entire 9 month pregnancy that I have of my bump naked and I want to share it with you guys!!

Why? I hear you ask.

Well that’s because I was a plus size mama and my bump wasn’t perfect and cute and smooth and lushes like you see on Instagram or in magazines. But it was my daughters home for 9 months and it was chuffing beautiful!! So here she is....

Love your bumps mama’s no matter the size, the shape, the amount of stretch marks. Whatever!!!

So I’m here again to post some pictures that I couldn’t post anywhere else. You know why I’m posting them?

Because quite frankly, I can! I feel and look sexy in them and i want to inspire other mums to wear what they want, be comfortable in your new skin, embrace that body that grew another human or 2 or 3 or however many. Because you’re all bloody beautiful!!!!

Hello again... I know 2 posts in one day what the heck?

But I just got a bunch of clothes in that I’ve ordered recently and I wanted a chat.

So a bit of back story....

Back in late 2018 I was at my heaviest weight I’d ever been 127KG or 20 stone!! Yep photo’s to prove this down below!! So I randomly decided to go on a “diet.”

Now this was not a diet... quite frankly I staved myself throughout the day and ate 1 tiny meal at night. I walked my dog 2-3 hours a day, worked full time as a cook and walked to and from work. I exercised a lot more than what I was eating. How did I get through the day with no food? I hear you ask... well lots of people don’t know this but I was a smoker. If you don’t know smoking curbs your appetite. So I stopped eating food and smoked more! 👍🏻

Anyway my strange “diet” worked. In 10 months I lost 44.5KG or 7 stone!! I was down to 13 stone and I felt GOOD!! I felt so good in myself, the best I’ve ever felt. I got down to 83KG from 127KG in 10 months! (Also a photo down below of that.) I’d started to wear more fashionable, form fitting, cute clothes and I was experimenting and loving it!

Then BOOM.... I got pregnant!!

Not planned AT ALL!! I was so upset. But when you have lots of sex with no contraceptive you’re probably going to get pregnant.

Well obviously I quit smoking straight away.. then the hunger demons came back and obviously I couldn’t not eat. I was growing a baby for god sake. So I took advantage and just like that at my last appointment before having Elizabeth I’d got to 110KG. I gained 4.5 stone whilst pregnant. 😔

Heart broken honestly isn’t the word. 6 months down the line I’m at 94KG. I’m struggling to loose this baby weight and honestly I miss smoking. Maybe that’s because I know it helps me stress relieve and also loose weight but I really don’t want to go back to that.

I’ve been trying hard....

But it’s not shifting. Not giving into the hunger demons is extremely hard when you’re at home all day with all your snacks. But I’m trying my best... me and my partner are now trying to eat better up until Christmas.

However with this weight change has also come a change of clothes and fashion and style. Now... I’ve never been a fashionable person but I like to give it a go. However with my extra weight and change in body shape since Elizabeth I’m struggling. Which is why I’ve been buying a shit tonne of new clothes. Wearing a cute outfit makes me feel so much better on the inside and makes me motivated to keep loosing weight. Which honestly is not my main focus right now. (Conceiving baby #2 is.)

But finding the right mix of fashionable and suitable for “mums” is hard. I want to be cute but I want to fit my role as a mum at the same time. Today I’ve realised that every outfit is a “mum” outfit if you’re a mum who’s wearing it. Let people have their opinions. Who listens to them anyway? I don’t!

I wear what makes me feel comfortable and beautiful.

So here’s a picture of my pile of new clothes and shoes!! I’m so excited for autumn & winter because sweater weather is my absolute favourite!!