I feel like even other trans people who accept multigender people just don't seem to know what to do with multigender people.
I have to keep telling people to mix up the terminology they use for me, and not exclusively put me in one category or only use one kind of terminology to refer to me (such as only "masculine" terminology, or only feminine). I ask people to be more conscientious and use more masculine terms, and they start overcorrecting and forget to use feminine terms. I ask them to start doing that now, they overcorrect, rinse and repeat. People hesitate to put me in the category of "man."
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Idk if I've sent that already to that blog or if I sent it to a different blog
But it's something that happened in March
Well, in Poland 8th March is Women's Day, 9th March is Non-binary People's Day, 10th March is Men's Day
And I am a (trans) non-binary (agender) man. What made me sad then, it was that most of my friends gave me wishes only on Men's Day and one(? or two?) of them gave me on Non-binary Day.
(and there's that one friend who gave Men's Day wishes and be-lated Women's Day wishes. He was probably confused a bit but that's kinda funny tho, especially since I kinda try to explore my gender [but I'm a bit scared that if I'm gonna identify as both man and woman [and the rest of my labels], then I'll be seen only as woman since I'm SPETE and socially imposed female, and that makes me dysphoric)
It kinda hurts that no-one sees my whole identity. I'm both man and non-binary. I'm not just a man. I'm not just an enban. I'm both man and enban.
This is multigenderphobia.
Mod reply
Im sorry about that anon, I know it hurts to only be seen as part of your gender. I felt that too a lot. It's not march but I wish you a happy non binary and men's day, I wish you a whole life of being happy as yourself, no matter who that is.
Just realised it's trans day of visibility today bc y'all I was having a bad day but I just remembered how many multigender folks exist and it's so awesome. I exist at the same time as multigender trans girls and boys, as boygirls, as manwomen and womanmen, out there there's bigender people getting funky with gender presentation and multitrans girls trying additional pronouns and multitrans boys finding a new label for themselves. There are transneutral genderfluid people and transfemxenine girlthings and demifluid folks and transandrogynous enbies and cisfem guys and tris genderflux enben and it's just a wonderful place to be.
I usually would never take issue with inclusive posts saying "x group is trans." Inclusion IS an important thing, and exorsexist trans people excluding and gatekeeping is a bigger issue than someone not thinking of every possible nuance as long as they were intending to stand up for certain trans people's inclusion in the trans community. But it was the specific wording where they quoted an inclusive, respectful statement of "not all genderfluid people are trans" (which does not imply any genderfluid people are not welcome, only implies some genderfluid people might not have a clean and obvious identity) and mocked the idea that someone who was genderfluid could identify as not-trans, there was no good faith argument of defending inclusion that could be made. It was just calling identities like mine stupid. I'll go as far as to say it was misgendering us to a degree and really nothing else.
I understand that I am an outlier for not identifying with "transgender" and I don't have an issue with the labels I use being broadly understood as trans labels as long as it is respected when I say I don't identify with that umbrella term because my specific experience makes it not feel correct. As long as other people acknowledging that identity as legitimate is not mocked.
I've seen posts that were "all nonbinary people are trans" that were not so disrespectful. I remember one that I actually liked because in its elaboration it was obviously about transgender, the social class, more than transgender, the identity, and while I do believe I have a significant amount of cis privilege, I thought the post was made in good faith + there was a separate acknowledgement of nonbinary and even binary people who identify as transn't despite belonging to transgender, the social class, and it was not disrespectful at all. It made the distinction between identity and how we are viewed in the world and ultimately it was just about how nonbinary as a whole concept is transgender, nonbinary people face transphobia and are discriminated against because we are (viewed as) transgender, and was explicitly made against the exclusion of nonbinary people against their will and the dismissal of transphobia against nonbinary people as being misdirected or not as bad.
So I have a decent tolerance to saying x group is trans when I'm not, it's really not hard it just has to be a good faith post that's not antagonism against people for accepting my identity and identities like it. And it usually is fairly obvious when the intention is to defend inclusion or talk about our oppression, and when the intention is to belittle.
last ask for context [link]
This is multigenderphobia.
Mod reply
First of all, so sorry it took me so long to get to this ask. And I understand what you mean. It was very disrespectful in just, deciding how a whole group of people should be allowed to label themselves and calling them stupid if they disagree?? It's not that they had to think of every possible nuance, but just not throw under the bus non trans genderfluid people while uplifting the inclusion of genderfluid people as a whole in the trans community.
I dont believe you are an outlier. I dont like the whole reasoning of imposing the majority as the norm and anything else as weird or inexplicable or rare. An "exception". Saying that genderfluid people are part of the trans community doesnt mean we *have to* personally identify as trans. I personally am of the phylosophy that transgender as a social class includes people who are not trans, think of drag performers and gender non conforming people who arent trans or intersex people who dont identify as trans, and even the many non binary AND binary people who dont call themselves trans, pre or post transition. Because transgender as a social class is basically "anyone who doesnt strictly fit the **white, abled, western-centric** gender binary and pericis gender norms" (v simplified and rough), not personally identifying as trans doesnt grant you cis privilege (talking in general, not in your case specifically bc your singular experience is how you define it, but Im saying in general if someone is seen as trans, declaring themselves not trans doesnt make them safe against transphobia). Non binary ends up being trans inherently in society because there's no way to fit within the norm and be non binary. To be non binary is inherently to be outside of the conception of gender, but that doesnt mean non binary people cant have experiences that align w cisness more than transness or feel that cis describes best their identity than trans.
You were right in your feelings because there was just no way to interpret the post that wasnt in a mocking manner to your identity, and that's extremely disrespectful and transphobic no matter who it's coming from.
Solidarity kinda!
I recently discovered I am actually bigender, I am agender and androgyne! It makes me really happy to find out new things about myself and I'm excited to join the multigender community :3
That's so awesome, Im so happy for you!! I hope you'll make yourself at home, we're really glad to have you <333
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Routine askbox update: absolutely nothing, no drafts either.
(also hey, do y'all like the replies I leave to the asks or nah? I can stop doing that because I know it's smth other this-is blogs have been asked not to do, but I also feel like it's an important part of being sent an ask, like replying to it, so do tell me if you appreciate it)
Too Long, Didnt Read (TL;DR) of my last post about how multigender people are seen [link] is:
Multigender seems to be considered a trans identity for virtue of being seen as a "one gender" label who falls under the non binary umbrella rather than being recognized as simply meaning "someone who experiences multiple genders amongst all the existing and possible genders", effectively an umbrella of whatever different genders that someone experiences.
The idea that someone could be both a trans boy and a trans girl is absurd to people, but the idea of including and recognizing cistrans people is equally absurd – despite the fact that if you affirm that you support non binary people and that the first idea is impossible, then you should automatically support the second one.
This doesn't happen, and people are more worried about mantaining cis as "opposite of trans" than doing anything to actively incluse cistrans people.
Boygirl as a term is not seen as meaning "boy and girl", in full acceptance that those identities might be both trans or cis or one and the other; instead, it's seen, much like multigender as a label, as a third, separate, non binary-adjacent label.
^ consequence of this, is the lack of recognition and active inclusion of multigender people who are both binary identities because that brings into question the belief that boy and girl are opposites.
The existence of cistrans people brings into question the belief that cis and trans are opposites, while the existence of transboygirls and cisboygirls brings into question the idea that to be trans you must align with the "opposite" of your assigned gender and to be cis you must align "with" your assigned gender. Conclusion is that neither are recognized because those beliefs arent ones people are willing to change.
Conclusion: please stop clinging to binary black-and-white oppositional views of gender identity and actively think and put in effort to include multigender and cistrans people. You cannot claim to be supportive of non binary people while also seeing our identities as inherently alienated from the gender binary or inherently nontrans-like or noncis-like.
