i hate it here | theodore nott x reader
song; i hate it here [taylor swift] pairing; theodore nott x fem!muggle-born!ravenclaw!reader genre; s2l, fluff, angst, hurt comfort word count; 5k timeline; half-blood prince warnings; swearing, reference to deaths, referenced grief, discrimination (muggle-borns), implied anxiety, implied depression summary; a chance encounter caused your life to intertwine with theo nott’s, of whom provided a comfort and solace you had sorely needed
this is an old draft i made in 2020, put through some serious editing
also, happy holidays and happy new year!!!
masterlist
"i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life."
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Flames flickered dangerously on the wall candles as the determined Slytherin sixth year charged down the corridor, eyes glaring at anyone who dared get in his way. His destination was unknown, but no one really gave it any thought as they stumbled to get out of his path. Theodore Nott wasn't one to mess with, nor were his group of friends.
"Nott," a voice muttered quietly from behind, causing Theo to halt in his tracks. Spinning on his feet, he caught sight of you and your hesitant gaze.
"What?" he snapped.
"You- uh- you dropped this..." you sighed, opening your hand to reveal a golden locket sat on your palm.
To your surprise, he took it quite gently from you and offered a quiet, "Thanks," before turning on his heel and continuing to storm down the corridor.
You exhaled deeply at your awkwardness as you began making your journey to the Great Hall for lunch. You weren't much in the mood to talk, but still joined your small group of friends at the Ravenclaw table. Greeting them with no more than a smile, you began dishing food on to your plate.
Meanwhile, Theo had arrived to the lunch hall via a different route, and earlier at that too. His thought process had been that of wondering who you were and why you knew his name. There was a sense of gratitude towards you, as that locket had been a gift from his late mother; thus it was a priceless artefact to him. He wouldn't know how to cope if he lost it— her absence was difficult enough as it was.
He sat down on the Slytherin table, surprised to see his friends weren't there yet; they were normally just as eager to eat as him.
He didn't really notice your presence in the room, even though he was still thinking about you. Alas, the hall was rather large, and rather full of students. Regardless, his thoughts were interrupted when Lorenzo Berkshire showed up, one of his closest friends. "Hey, Enzo," he looked up from his plate of food.
"Hi," he sat down opposite, "Where are the rest? I thought I was late enough as it was. L/N and I were just exchanging notes for my ancient runes test. And... then I went to the toilet."
"L/N?" a look of confusion rested upon Theo's features.
"Yeah, Y/N L/N, she's in your potions and DADA, I believe. She's helping me on the test that's coming up soon. Don't you know her?" Lorenzo quirked an eyebrow.
Your name didn't ring a bell at all.
"She's over there," Lorenzo pointed to the Ravenclaw table, "She is a mud— muggle-born, but she's really smart and I'll get detention if I fail this test."
Theo flicked his gaze to where you were sat. He observed your lack of participation in the conversation your friends were having— two Ravenclaw girls who he did recognise.
"Wait, that's L/N?" he turned to Lorenzo in surprise, seeing that Mattheo had now arrived wordlessly, already stuffing his face with food.
"So you do know her?" Lorenzo replied.
"Yeah- uh- I met her earlier, actually," Theo continued to watch you eating your meal while visibly spaced out.
"Mate, if you keep staring at L/N like that she's gonna get uncomfortable," Blaise Zabini announced his arrival, sitting by Theo.
"You know her too?" Theo spun his head to face Blaise, eyes slightly widened.
Blaise quirked an eyebrow, "Yeah? She's, like, one of the smartest girls in our year..."
"Why am I only hearing of her today?" he said, somewhat aggravated, as if he had been left out of an inside joke everyone else was in on.
Blaise and Lorenzo chuckled, before the latter said, "It's because she's so quiet. Trust me, it took me ages to get her reasonably confident around me."
"Why?"
"What d'you mean, why? Some people are just like that, Theo," Blaise shrugged.
Something told Theo that you weren't quiet for no reason.
***
You headed to your potions class at around 11am the next day: it was double potions, and your first lesson, which you were not looking forward to. You had it with a lot of Slytherins, and some of them were a bit judgmental of you being a muggle-born. That didn't necessarily bother you, it was just tedious to deal with constantly.
Much to your shock, you found Theodore Nott sat on your table and the old Hufflepuff boy you used to sit next to over in Nott's old seat. Awkwardly sitting yourself down in your own seat, you pulled out some of your books and ingredients and began working through the starter on the blackboard. All without saying a word to Nott.
You didn't realise Nott had been watching your every move from beside you.
"L/N," he whispered as Professor Slughorn called the attention of the class. You lifted your eyes from the book to him, and he could see the flash of fear in your eyes. Most likely because his group of friends were notorious for picking on muggle-borns.
"Yes?" you said as confidently as you could, in a hushed tone.
"Why have I never seen you around before?"
A frown graced your face as you eyed him incredulously, "What do you mean? We've had classes together for years."
"But I've never noticed you."
With a scoff, you muttered, "Thanks."
"I mean, I don't understand how I haven't noticed you."
You shrugged.
Sensing he needed to change the subject, Theo said, "Thanks again for finding my locket. It's priceless to me, I don't know what I'd do without it."
"It's fine," you dismissed, "Why's it so important, anyway?"
"My mother gave it to me before she died."
Pursing your lips ever so slightly, you murmured, "My condolences."
He rolled his eyes, "Empty words I've heard a thousand times."
Before you could reply, Slughorn scolded the both of you for talking.
And you didn't get another chance to talk until the lesson came to an end; you packed up all of your belongings and muttered a polite, "Bye, Nott," before hurriedly walking towards the door.
"L/N! Wait!" he called after you, jogging to catch up, "Please drop the Nott. Just call me Theo."
He walked with you to the Great Hall, engaging in a polite conversation about the material covered in the lesson.
Eventually, you found the courage to say, "N- Theo, my words weren't empty earlier."
Theo quirked an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"
With a slight shrug, you pointed to the Ravenclaw table, "My- uh- friends are over there, Theo. D'you mind if I go?"
Frowning, Theo asked, "Why would I mind?"
"Uh- I don't know... I just- uh..." you purposely avoided his eyes, not wanting to say that you were scared to offend him, when he probably already saw you as lesser, being a muggle-born.
"Look, Y/N, you don't need to be so nervous around me. I'm not gonna hurt you."
"Really?" you tilted your head.
"I swear. I don't care that you're muggle-born." Although his father would.
Nodding, you mumbled, "Goodbye," and joined your group of friends, of whom had been watching the previous encounter. Theo then headed over to the Slytherin table where his friends were also waiting.
***
A few days later, the Slytherin boys were once again gathered in the Great Hall, this time for breakfast. Lorenzo downed the rest of his coffee, and rose to his feet. "Gotta go."
"Where're you going?" Mattheo asked.
Climbing over the bench, he replied, "Library. L/N's helping me study for the ancient runes test, remember?"
"Can I come?" Theo quickly questioned, interested upon hearing your name mentioned.
Lorenzo gave him an odd look but said yes nonetheless; Theo instantly stood from his seat and tailed his friend on the journey.
Upon reaching the library, the pair found you already sitting at a little oakwood table with a dusty maroon novel in hand and scrolls of parchment laid before you. "Since when are you so stressed about tests?" Theo whispered.
"I told you, I'll get detention if I fail," Lorenzo shrugged, "What about you? Why a sudden interest in L/N?"
"I don't have a sudden interest in her," he blatantly lied.
Lorenzo gave him a look, "Sure, mate."
Luckily for Theo, they had reached the table where you were, with a little green sofa positioned by it. Theo smiled at you, muttering a quick, "Hi."
"Hi..." your face warmed at the sight of him.
As Theo set himself down on the sofa, Lorenzo said his hello to you - curious as to why you were even shyer around Theo - and sat down by you so he could pull out his books. He silently speculated as to what was going on between the two of you.
You began going over ancient runes, explaining in as much detail as you could the most recent topic. Still, you found yourself constantly glancing over at Theo, who had started reading a book, which didn't go unnoticed by Lorenzo. He didn't say anything, however, because if he did studying would be futile due to your inevitable embarrassment.
"Why did Theo come?" you questioned awkwardly when the aforementioned had left briefly to use the toilet, "He never has before..."
Shrugging, Lorenzo replied, "I think he wanted to see you."
"Me?" your eyes widened, "Why would he want to see me?"
You didn't get an answer; Lorenzo didn't give you one.
***
If you weren't so oblivious the question would have probably answered itself over the next few days. Theo had begun to go with you everywhere, and had moved to sit next to you in both DADA and potions officially. He sometimes napped during theory lessons in potions, but you didn't mind enchanting a quill to copy what you were writing so he would still have notes. Not that he had asked you to, you just felt weirdly obliged.
Whenever you would read in the library, he would be right next to you on the sofa, also reading. Whenever you were sat alone in the Great Hall, he would join and eat with you. Whenever you were taking a nice stroll around the grassy slopes of the Hogwarts grounds, he would walk by you, maintaining a comfortable silence.
Annoying wasn't the word you would use for him; in fact, you had never felt so content with someone's constant presence. The rest of your friends you needed breaks from, as they drained your social energy despite how much you loved them. Theo, however, was more of a calm and quiet person: he seemed to be quite happy not speaking at all around you. You appreciated the fact you could dwell together without doing anything.
***
The following Saturday, Theo was pissed. Determinedly walking down the corridor with a ferocious glare in his eyes, everybody was quick to jump out of his way, knowing the extent his wrath could sometimes take. Someone, namely a dumb third year, had accidentally set off an exploding spell on him. While Theo had fixed himself up, the third year had ran off without apologising. Now, Theo was hunting him down to seek revenge.
Everybody in the school feared him and the other Slytherin boys, except for a few of the first years who were yet to see their rage. When they were angry, no one dared go near them— it was kind of like an unspoken rule. You, unfortunately, had not yet realised that Theo was angered and ran up to him from behind, since you had been looking for him. You had found it strange that he wasn't yet by your side.
"Hey, Theo," you levelled your pace with his, wondering why he was moving so fast. A couple students loitering in the corridor exchanged glances, knowing you were about to get screamed at.
Except, you didn't. Theo's features went soft as he turned his head to you and smiled gently. Shock was evident on the observing students' faces, having never seen such a switch in emotion on any of the Slytherin boys before.
"Hey, Y/N," Theo spoke, "D'you have any good hexes to use on a stupid third year who accidentally hit you with a spell but didn't apologise?"
"Well, um, you're kinda putting me on the spot here..." you tapped her chin thoughtfully, "If you wanna go with a classic you could use the bat bogey hex."
Scrunching up his nose, he replied, "I kinda want something more original."
"Uh... why don't you make them turn purple?" you shrugged, "That's not done often."
"Why purple?"
"I like purple."
Theo chuckled, "Okay, then. We've just got to find him, now."
"Well, think logically. He'll probably go where there's lots of people so he can either blend in or have some hope of protection," you said, "And where will there be lots of people on this fine Saturday morning?"
"The Great Hall," he realised, grabbing your hand without thinking so he could start sprinting there.
You gasped at first, not expecting to be tugged along so roughly. But you weren't unfit, and quickly pulled your legs to match his pace.
"Alright," he panted, coming to a halt after running through the large double doors, "He's over there, on the Gryffindor table."
"Why... did... we... have... to... run?" you forced out between breaths.
Squeezing your hand unintentionally, he watched with amused eyes at your breathless state, before replying, "Couldn't risk him getting away again."
"Enchant his- uh- drink," now hyperaware of your still joined hands, you felt shy.
"What, so I don't get caught?"
"Uh, yeah..."
He tugged on your hand, guiding you down the side of the red table with his wand hidden discreetly in his free palm. Uttering the charm, he pointed his wand at the golden goblet in front of the boy.
"Better hope it works," he muttered, looking around to see all his friends together on the Slytherin table, as usual. You found yourself being dragged over to them without a say in the matter.
Theo only remembered to let go of your hand when you reached his friends— your expression likely gave away your embarrassment, but you still sat down next to him. Lorenzo, who was the other side of Theo, whispered in his ear, "You made it official, then?"
Shaking his head and taking a bite of toast, Theo answered, "What d'you mean?"
"You know what I mean, Theo," he sighed, "You both have such blatant feelings for each other."
The conversation swiftly switched as Mattheo began discussing the upcoming quidditch game. You didn't share an interest in the sport, but Theo did, so you were able to remain silent, much to your relief.
***
Blue puffy coat drowning you in warmth, and black leather gloves wrapping your shivery pale hands— woolly white bobble hat on head, and tickles of snow balanced on cheekbones— matte black snow boots on feet, and thick jeans on legs: you were well kitted for the day's snowy weather out in Hogsmeade, all of your friends were there too. You were now off the carriages and strolling down the icy street, gazing at the familiar sweets, book and joke shops. Cho, a friend of yours, was awkwardly making conversation with Blaise. He returned the level of awkwardness.
Mattheo and Lorenzo - Theo's closest friends - suddenly pulled your arms with mischievous looks on their faces. "Come to Zonko's with us!" Mattheo smirked.
It was obviously not a question.
Giving Theo a pleading look, you pulled a strained expression when all he gave you was a smirk similar to Mattheo's. "We'll be in the Three Broomsticks," your friend, Jane, said, "See the rest of you there."
You sighed, accepting your defeat and going to Zonko's— you ended up spending most of your time hidden in the corner of the shop while keeping an eye on the devious Slytherins. The crowd in the shop wasn't relaxing. At all. Right now, the only place you wanted to be was in the Three Broomsticks holding a refreshing cup of golden butterbeer with Theo by your—
Theo? Since when had he been the first person you wanted to be with? The first person you thought of when you went to your happy place? Warmth spread to your cheekbones and lit them aflame, the only thoughts in your head being Theo's cheeky smirk and fluffy brown hair. It took you awhile to realise Lorenzo had now grabbed your arm and was pulling you over to the pub with Mattheo, but you soon snapped out of your imagination and allowed yourself to enter through the door independently.
The second you were in there you made eye contact with very same boy you had been thinking about, causing you to grow flustered. Keeping your head down, you walked over to the table and smiled awkwardly at everyone. There suddenly seemed to be an overwhelming feeling that everyone could read exactly what you were thinking and immediately knew what was up.
Blaise budged along the bench a bit, allowing you to squeeze in next to Theo. All that you could notice now was the warmth radiating from the body - Theo's - that was squashed against you in the confined of space on the benches and chairs.
"Y/N? You good?" he whispered, concerned over your sudden shyness in demeanour.
"Uh- yeah! Fine... just fine," making the mistake of glancing at him again, your thoughts stammered and stuttered.
A million thoughts swarmed through Theo's head, having no idea what was happening. He decided to ignore it for now, however, and pushed over a glass of golden butterbeer to you.
Relief washed over you as you took a sip of the frothy beverage and allowed the warmth to fill up your insides. Theo's presence was beginning to feel comforting again, now your spout of realising your feelings was over. Unintentionally, you shifted millimetres closer to him causing your thighs to be pressed together. Theo was now conversing with Lorenzo, but he noticed your minuscule movement next to him.
Continuing with the conversation, he shifted the hand he had resting on his lap to hook it around your thigh: an action that had your eyes widening like saucers. Still, you couldn't help but smile slightly, before taking another sip of beer to cover your face.
***
One bright Saturday morning, you were in the library with Lorenzo, as he needed help with his studies. Only, this time it was Jane who was helping him, as you did not take herbology, and so could provide no assistance to him in that area. Regardless, you had come along, despite the fact you were in a great deal of pain. You were laying on the sofa by Jane and Lorenzo's table, curled up into a ball as you cursed your uterus for daring to grieve you in such a manner.
Theo, however, was in the Great Hall eating breakfast. The lack of your presence confused him, since you were usually there, so naturally he asked your friends where you were.
"Oh... she's in the library with Jane and Berkshire," Cho replied nonchalantly, "I don't know why she went— she has really bad cramps, and it's Jane that's tutoring Berkshire right now anyway."
"Cramps?" he frowned.
Cho sighed, "She's on her period, Nott."
Coughing awkwardly, he hummed in acknowledgment and continued eating, praying that the subject would be changed.
"Well? Are you just gonna sit there?" Cho questioned threateningly.
"What?" he said with confusion lacing his tone.
Mattheo laughed from across the table, "You're practically her boyfriend, aren't you gonna go to her? Period care is a classic boyfriend duty."
"What do you know about boyfriend duties?" Theo scoffed at his friend, but he knew that he was right, even though he wasn't your boyfriend. Nonetheless, he rose from his seat after Cho gave him a glare.
Once he had poured a cup of hot chocolate from the breakfast spread, he began his journey to the library. Upon entering the massive room full of oakwood desks, homely sofas and bookcase after bookcase, he spotted you lying on a settee by Jane and Lorenzo with your eyes tightly shut. In your foetal position, you seemed oblivious to the heated discussion going on between the pair.
Crossing the room while scanning his surroundings, he noticed the various students sat chatting with friends or lazily doing homework: all of them in casual clothes. The thought of that made him take note of your attire: a loose-fitting Ravenclaw shirt much like the ones quidditch players wore, simple black pyjama bottoms and a pair of green and blue striped socks. Now that he had arrived, he could make out the battered black Converse sprawled at the foot of the maroon settee you were on.
Shooting a quick hello to Lorenzo and Jane, who were too preoccupied to notice, Theo leaned over you, and whispered, "Hey. I brought you some hot chocolate."
You peeled open your eyelids and rubbed them, wincing suddenly before clutching your abdomen. "Thanks..." you mumbled softly.
"Chang told me it was your time of the month," he said in a low tone so nobody else could hear, sitting down by you properly and handing over the mug.
"Did she?" tiredly pushing yourself up into a more upright position, you felt the beginning of your heart rate speed up now that you could clearly see Theo.
He smiled gently, taking in your cute mildly flustered appearance. Such an expression on your face made him want to hold you— desperately.
Taking a deep but quiet breath, he took the mug from your hands and placed it on the table, making you scowl. The scowl disappeared, however, when he scooped his arm underneath you, taking you much by surprise, and lifted you up slightly so he could budge himself to the end of the sofa and allow you to now be blatantly flustered on his lap. "How're you holdin' up?" he asked as he leaned the both of you forward to pick up the mug again.
"O-Okay, I gue-" you cut yourself off by clutching your abdomen and scrunching your face.
"Maybe not so okay," he chuckled, pushing your arms away from your stomach, and slipping his free hand under your royal blue shirt before applying some pressure.
Sighing in relief, you said, "You're so warm," before proceeding to curl up once more. You took the hot chocolate from his other hand, granting yourself a big gulp.
"'S'good chocolate."
"Fresh from the breakfast table," he chuckled, the action vibrating against your back.
You smiled, something that he couldn't see. "Thank you."
"It's nothing."
At that comment, you disagreed, as you knew that Theo Nott was not the type of man to do such nice things for people. Still, you continued to drink the hot chocolate, looking towards Jane and Lorenzo— who were still arguing about a herbology topic.
"What could they possibly be arguing about?" Theo sighed.
You shrugged slightly, "I think she proofread his essay and said it looked like a toddler had written it."
"I'm guessing you're a kinder tutor?"
You laughed, "I would say so. Unluckily for Lorenzo, I don't take herbology."
Then, Cho arrived, with Mattheo and Blaise as well— how she had persuaded the former to come to the library was nothing short of impressive.
"Sorry, did we interrupt a double date?" Mattheo smiled devilishly, sitting down in an armchair.
Oh, that would explain it.
You and Theo didn't react to his comment: you were so used to being teased at this point that it was just another day in the life.
As for Jane and Lorenzo— it was a completely different story. Their faces flushed as they became defensive, spouting off all sorts of insults about the other in relation to their prior argument.
"We're all heading down to the lake for a bit, d'you guys wanna come?" Blaise interjected.
Looking to you, Theo could easily tell you didn't want to by your expression, so declined on behalf of both of you. Meanwhile, Lorenzo and Jane agreed, likely realising the tutoring was going nowhere, and rose from their seats.
***
Quidditch matches were the pride and joy of the school, and also something even you took seriously, despite not caring much for the sport. You had never missed a Ravenclaw match in your time, and never intended to either. That day's match was Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw, so you were definitely going to be in the stands watching.
With it being a few weeks away from Christmas (and nearly the end of the first term), being comfortably wrapped up was a necessity: a winter coat, a scarf, a hat, and gloves. Theo was about to head into the changing rooms for the match, but ran over to you first. Even just looking at him made your previously unwavering loyalty to Ravenclaw's team falter.
"Two galleons we'll win," Theo smirked down at you.
"Bet accepted," you held out your gloved hand, to which he shook, "Because I know Ravenclaw'll win."
You then made your way up to the stands, as Theo went to change and warm up. It wasn't long before the theatrics commenced.
"Alright, it seems the teams are ready to start, so on Madam Hooch's whistle..." the commentator, Lee Jordan's successor, spoke, followed by a sharp whistle, "And the teams are in the air..."
The boy commentating continued to describe what the green and blue players darting around in the cold and crisp air were doing regarding the four balls of quidditch. Watching intently, you observed as the quaffle was passed between people and through hoops. The score reached 80-60 to Slytherin.
You could have sworn that Theo was smirking at you.
Only, when the crowd on your side suddenly started cheering, you snapped your gaze away from Theo to see that the Ravenclaw seeker had a shiny golden sphere in their hand.
Immediately, you began cheering as well, throwing middle fingers in Theo's direction. He scowled and rolled his eyes, flying over to you.
"Rigged game."
"Sore loser."
"Whatever."
"That'll be two galleons, please."
He rolled his eyes again, "Meet me after."
***
"Come with me," he said the second he emerged from the changing rooms, grabbing your hand and pulling you along.
You were really confused as he dragged you all the across the quidditch pitch and over the grassy plains of the Hogwarts grounds. Unanswered questions filled you even more as you reached the less thick area of the Forbidden Forest, that was not as forbidden. In the distance, you could make out the skinny black silhouettes of the thestrals.
"Why'd you take me to the thestrals?"
"So you can see them?" he observed the mighty creatures as they noticed your presence.
"You can too?" you asked.
Moving closer to stroke one of them, he replied, "I told you that my mother passed— well, I held her hand on her deathbed when I was eight."
"Oh, I'm sorry..." you gently petted the same one he was.
Theo's mouth settled into a grim line, "Don't be."
Taking a deep breath, you said softly, "I watched my parents get killed when we were in fifth year. It was the Christmas holidays and I came home after shopping to see..." your breath hitched, "To see death eaters torturing them through the window..."
Instead of saying anything, Theo wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his warm chest.
"I just wish I'd done something... but I... I couldn't..." you recalled the day, your heart aching.
"Hey, it's okay, bambi," he pressed a light kiss to your forehead.
"I know they... they only did it... because... because I'm a witch... I just..." you fought against the lump in your throat.
You drew back from his chest, and Theo stroked the softness of your cheeks, staring into your sparkling eyes. He couldn't understand why his heart hurt so much to see you saddened, let alone why it hurt even more when you forced a small smile.
It dawned on him that you were far from nervous and weak, instead quietly carrying the weight of a tragedy that many wouldn't be able to manage. He was amazed that you didn't break down every day: especially since it had been only a couple years, and you were so young.
The realisation that the Christmas season was probably no longer full of festivity and joy for you, but painful reminders and memories, was one that made him grasp your hand tightly.
"Y/N... you're the strongest, smartest and kindest person I know..." he spoke softly, caressing your palm.
Your voice cracked when you said, "Really?"
"Really," he confirmed. The next thing you felt was his soft and plush lips against yours, sitting there in a sweet and chaste kiss.
Your lips parted as he rested his forehead against yours and squeezed your hand as gently as if you were a porcelain doll.
"Where d'you go during the holidays?" he asked hesitantly.
"I live with my great aunt now."
The evidence of how hard you found the absence of your parents was shown through your expression.
"Is she nice?"
You nodded, "But she can't fill the hole."
He understood. His cold and cruel father could never— would never— step up and pick up where his angelic mother left off.
"Y/N," he said softly, "You know what my father is, don't you?"
"Everyone does," you murmured, "How is he not imprisoned?" You grimaced after asking that, and added, "No offense."
He chuckled dryly, "None taken. I despise him," he then paused for a moment, but continued, "I just want you to know I'm not like him— I'm not—"
You pushed a finger against his lips, silencing him. "I know, Teddy. I wouldn't be here right now if I thought you were, no?"
The corner of his lips curved up in a smile, "My mum used to call me that."
"Oh, I'm sorry—"
"No. It feels right coming from you."
You matched his smile. "Theo, I... I think I love you."
He cupped your face with his warm hands, "I know I love you."
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masterlist
written; 04/03/2020 —> 27/12/2024 published; 28/12/2024 edited; 25/03/2025















