MENTAL ILLNESS
LISTEN, and I'm about to be all the way💯, Im going through alot. Weight gain, chronic pain, surgeries & all. There's a man walking this earth that I completely love but he doesn't love me the way that I KNOW I deserve so I am hopelessly single. And sometimes it effs w/me. Other times, it pisses me the hell off. I don't always feel attractive. I don't always feel accomplished. I still struggle w/insecurities & residuals from being assaulted as a child. I miss my dead father & my aunt(s) & my friends. I don't write poems like I used to because the one man that I woud read them to first, left me (& this earthly place) a long time ago. I have THREE small businesses that I am a vital part of (one of which is my own) and I fight to play my position & do my part. I struggle to pray over my spirit of procrastination (& petty) & I just want to make sure I make a mark in my community & in this world through the platforms that I have & the relationships that I have cultivated. And sometimes I don't feel like I do enough. I GOT ISSUES. Next! I battle with all of this EVERY SINGLE DAY with the determination that each day, each task, each project, each mission & movement is even greater & more magical than the next. But, it's scary & I get tired & I get frustrated & I get fed up & sometimes peope have me effed up but, I would STILL never put a bullet in the head of ANYONE, let alone an elderly man because life & the choices that I have made or the metaphorical cards that I have been dealt don't end up in my favor. MENTAL ILLNESS IS REAL. I get that. DEPRESSION IS REAL. I know that. BUT, Accountability is as real as a MUTHA! PERIOD. What Stephens did was premeditated, calculated & he articulated his actions for the world to see. I have dealt with rejection, mistreatment & abuse (not physical, Cuz y'all know I'm extra crazy) from men through out my adult life. But, to blame my heinous acts on somebody else is cowardice. To misappropriate my anger, my insecurities, my EVERYTHING that I hate about me onto someone whom of which I know can't physically beat me.... Man... C'mon... He knew exactly what he was doing. My only prayer is that when his judgement day comes, instead meeting Peter at the gate, I hope he meets Mr. God(win) again.
