#moustashleigh

Akinlana stood before Dorian, back straight and eyes stone cold. The Tevinter couldn’t look him in the eye, he couldn’t face the ire there, the pain. The pain he caused. This was his fault. He knew it and he knew nothing could take back what he had done. 

Then his eyes drifted to the little girl holding her father’s hand. She looked frightened and confused, knowing something was wrong. Father and papa had fought all night, kept her up even when she pretended to sleep. Then father had cried a lot. Now he wasn’t crying and it was scary. It hurt Dorian’s heart to see her like this, feeling it seize in his chest. This was also his fault. 

“Just tell me something Dorian… was it worth it?” 

The elf’s words cut through him, leaving his ears ringing. Was it worth it? What a question to be asking at a time like this. Was it worth seeing his amatus screaming and crying and angry and scared? Was it worth knowing that he would walk away from them - perhaps never see them again? Was it worth knowing that this could all be for nothing and that he ruined everything he had left for a foolish dream? No. It would never be worth that. Even if it all worked out, even if he was forgiven, it wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth this.

“Answer me Dorian.”

He dropped his head, bringing his hand up to shade his face from him, trying to shield from his wrath and hide his tears. “No…” His voice was too quiet, throat choked with unspoken words.

“Speak up.”

“No!” The man’s head came up, face already streaming with tears. “No- I- It’s not! It won’t ever be! And I know there’s nothing I can say that will fix this amatus but-” He shook his head, closed his eyes and covered his mouth. “But it’s not worth it… and I’m so sorry… I can’t… I’ve ruined everything. I didn’t think…” 

All he wanted was to feel the elf’s arms around him but he didn’t deserve that. He wanted to hear his voice, calm and caring, but he didn’t deserve that. He wanted to be forgiven but Maker knows he didn’t deserve that. 

“Amatus… I don’t want to leave you. I never wanted to leave you. I… it was so foolish of me to think that only I suffered from leaving for Tevinter… I didn’t think… I didn’t think what you would go through…” Slowly his voice was disappearing, broken and raw. “You’ve been so much for me and here I am… breaking your heart,”

“I’m so sorry.”

His other arm wrapped around himself, trying to hold together as he felt himself wanting to shatter across the flagstones. Who was he to have thought that Akinlana would just be okay with not seeing him again? Who was he to have assumed the elf would be satisfied with being some secret, when he lived so boldly? Who was he have thought that it was acceptable to leave his daughter behind?

“I’m so sor–”

“Shut up Dorian…” 

The human’s body almost collapsed upon itself, leaving him reeling. He deserved it. He deserved the feeling of his heart being torn and shattered by the hands of the man he loved. 

Dorian jolted back as arms suddenly pulled him close. They didn’t let go, one hand on the back of his head, the other tight around his back. The embrace was familiar. It was safe. It was home. He could smell old books, crisp mountains and elfroot. It was home. The voice that spoke so softly to him as if to speak louder would shatter him, still filled his chest with butterflies. It was home.

His knees buckled and he leaned heavily against the body of the other. Everything hurt as he sobbed but it was good. He heard the voice whispering softly to him, “Just let it out vehnan… I’m here. You’re okay,” and it filled him with such joy it burst in his chest, leaving him breathless. Then small hands on his tunic, pulling him down to his knees with the other. They gently rubbed his shoulder as her little voice tried to comfort him, “It’s gonna be okay papa…”

How long did they sit there, none knew, but when he was finally left with no tears the sun was dipping to the horizon. A soft cloth rubbed against his face as he was lightly teased for looking like a mess. He didn’t have the mind to respond but it made him happy.

“Why…?” he asked, voice ragged and hoarse.

“Vehnan…” Akinlana tilted the man’s head up to look him in the eye. “You are a wonderful man, vehnan, and I support you always in everything you wish to achieve in this life… but you are foolish. We are doing this together or I will have you locked away in a tower the rest of your life.” There was a pause but Dorian did not dare speak. “I cannot forgive you yet for this… but as I will be joining you, there will be plenty of time to work this out.”

“Me too father?” the child finally spoke. 

“Of course da’len.”

She cheered a little before looking curious. “So… papa and father are okay now?”

They looked at each other before giving a little smile. “No, that will take time, but we’re going to get there.”

“I know, but I came here to hear about Tobe. You tell me, Tigue. You tell me or so help me-”

“I’ll tell you!” he shouted. Goddamn widows who won’t let the dead rest! “Jesus fucking… Fire got him. The beast had fire, and it took out a half-dozen people on Tobe’s side of things. That’s what happened to him. He burnt up.”

Damn it, if her eyes didn’t narrow. He gave her exactly what she wanted and her’s was the look Hura trained on everyone who told her something she didn’t want to hear.

“Burnt up? So how did you know it was Tobe?”

“Because it was all the group he was with, the men who took its right flank! That’s Beezy, Old Chie, Eben, Joss… “  Merta too. Merta. Goddamn widows who haven’t got a thing in their head but their own dead. “Six of them.”

“You counted the bodies?”

“No, Liefer did.” He hissed, because he realized the trap she’d set. “No one that was there doubted that count, Hura!”

She nodded, but her hands hand come apart and were smoothing the folds in her skirt. “And who was there? A bunch of injured men, a few running around keeping the dragon off of them…”

“Aye, we were all busy. I was laying half-dead in the mud, but it left and Liefer, sop that he is, did right by the dead and the rest of us. You got no grounds for trying to make out that he didn’t make sure every man was counted.”

Try again! O.O

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! (Same, cool people are born today :D)

nice! happy birthday!

thank you so much you guys!! seriously for every mean message I get at least three or four nice ones, not counting the likes and it gives me so much hope and determination to continue this blog and everything. since I don’t know if the second anon was the same as the one before I will just try to believe that the first anon just hadn’t watched any of the videos, just heard about it on tumblr or whatever and didn’t intend anything bad. but pls you guys: don’t believe everything on tumblr and especially if you want to voice your opinion about something check it first and build your own opinion instead of just repeating what someone else said.

I still think if you want an honest discussion about stuff you should message someone or send an ask off anon because otherwise it’s kinda useless and not getting you anywhere. if you don’t like/agree with what a person on your dash posts then you can always choose  to unfollow/block them or just ignore it.

My questions to you:

1. Do you have pets? What are their names??

Yes! Three cats live with me and my family, Anny, Lumpy, and Flauschi. There used to be two more, Baby and Garfield, but sadly they passed.

2. What is your favorite weather?

Warm and sunny, with a little bit of wind so that it’s not too hot. Alternatively rainy on a warm summer day.

3. What do you find most beautiful in the world?

Oh boy, I can’t think of one particular thing, the world is full of beautiful stuff. Nature as such is so beautiful, forests, mountains, the ocean, the desert. Animals are amazing, and humans can be beautiful too, especially in what they do for each other out of love or the will to help, the awesome things they come up with and create. The world is beautiful as a whole, you just sometimes need to look closely.

4. If you had to choose, would you be a vampire or a werwolf and why?

Oh shit... hmmm.. The biggest downside of a vampire is for me that I can’t go out in the sunlight. Not that I do that a lot anyways xD but I’d really miss the sun. On the plus side, you can fly. Werewolf, hmm... Can I change shape at will or only once per month during full moon? Or only at night? I think I’d feel really badass, although I’d also be scared of majorly messing up if I lose control and hurt someone I love on accident. 

I’m gonna say vampire, with a lot of sunscreen xD

5. What do you spend most of your free time doing?

Drawing, usually xD Less often writing and playing video games. I need to find a better work-life balance xD

6. If you could have one thing magically appear (and not disappear) what would it be? It can be anything!

The classic: world peace forever, if it can be an abstract thing XD If not, then one of those food generator thingies from Start Trek. All food, for free, forever, tasty and without the hassle of going to the supermarket and cooking when I don’t feel like it.

7. What makes you bored?

Being around pepole I can’t stand whom I have nothing in common with. This is usually family gatherings with the part of the family that always asks me when I’m planning to get married and have children. In any other situation I usually find a way to fight the boredom - sadly I can’t bring my laptop to family gatherings D:

8. Do you like to dance?

Meh, not much. I am what in Germany we call “Körperklaus” - someone who has pretty much no motoric skills xD Dancing looks fun, but I haven’t found a way to make it fun for myself yet.

9. Do you live by any motto or philosophy?

Something in the direction of “do what you like as long as you harm no-one” or “treat others how you’d like to be treated yourself”. Sometimes I fail to stick to these things, and I regret it and remind myself to be better everytime.

10. If you could bring any mythical creature into the world what would it be?

Wynne: “Don’t say it!”

Me: :3c

....

Okay, not griffons xD First idea I had was dragons, but I think it might not end well xD So instead, unicorns :D

(or griffons.... or tiny, cat-sized dragons that don’t cause more havoc than well... a cat)