Remus Lupin would never forget how it felt finding out that his Padfoot, murdered his best friends.
It was a dreary November afternoon. He had returned from a classified mission for the Order of the Phoenix.** James and Lily had been hidden for months in an undisclosed location, so he wasnât expecting to be reunited with them, not for a while at least. He had returned to headquarters, only to be surprised at the lack of hustle-and-bustle it usually held.
Searching the hallways and rooms for anyone, he almost hit Mary McDonald smack in the face.
He smiled. He was home. But something wasnât right.
Sweet Mary. Her brown eyes had deep coloured circles, swelled with redness that could only be caused by tears. Remus knew something terribly wrong had happened.
âYou havenât heard.â Her silky voice cracked, a small break that caused Remus to feel a deep sense of dread, because no one could have prepared him for what he heard next.
He fell to his knees. Remus has spent so long trying to stay strong for them, for his family. But at that point in time, he felt the weight of the world he had been holding for so long, crush him.
Mary wasnât finished, he knew there was more. He tried to calm his breathing to look at her. He needed to know everything, he needed to do something. He needed to get to them.
Where was Harry in all this?
âSirius⌠does he.. Have Harry? Is Harry okay? Sirius is his godfather-â
âSirius can look after Harry-â
âHe can do it, I know he can-â
He met Maryâs eyes, her teary eyes had softened. Not a look of anger, a look of pity.
All that could be heard was the strong ringing that filled Remusâ ears that could only be caused by betrayal.
At that moment, Remus couldnât hold it in anymore. He let out a blood-curdling scream. He sobbed and hit the floor, he hit and banged so hard it ought to break.
There was no silencing charm on the room, so if there was anyone else in the building they would barge in at any moment, but there was no one.
There was no one left to barge in.
Thirteen years ago, Remus Lupin lost three of his best friends. More than that, his family. Not only did he lose his family, he lost the love of his life in one of the greatest betrayals known to man. His partner, his best friend, his love. Sirius Black.
For thirteen years, he mourned a love that burnt him so badly it marked his bones.
He mourned his family, James Potter, one of his first and only friends. One of his friends who made him feel okay in his skin despite its scars.
Lily Potter, one of the sweetest girls he would ever know, one of the only other people who he was comfortable to tell anything to. The couple had done nothing but love and adore him. He watched them grow and fall in love with each other despite years of scepticism and banter. He learnt what love was through Lily and James Potter. Not only did they love each other effortlessly, they loved all of their friends to a fault. He shared his secrets with them, he shared his soul, and he lost them. Not to anyone, but to someone who had known the most raw parts of him, from his soul to his skin and his scars. Lily and James Potter had died at the hands of their closest friend.
At least thatâs what Remus Lupin thought.
Here he stood, thirteen years later. With their killer who had the same face as the teenage boy he once loved. Except he was not their killer.
Sirius Black had spent the last thirteen years in Azkaban paying the price for what Peter Pettigrew did. He was not able to mourn his family because he was busy being blamed for the murder of them.
Now Remus Lupin had to figure out how to cope with the truth. Could he do it?
He had his arm wrapped around the shoulders of Sirius who clung to his waist, limping alongside him. They didnât speak for much of the journey, there had been too much to say but neither of the men knew how to say it.
They walked into Remusâ empty apartment.
âMake yourself at home.â He mumbled, although he didnât intend for it to come out that way. The irony was not lost on him, considering he had bought the apartment after he had left Hogwarts.
Remus lowered Sirius gently on the couch. He watched him observe the apartment, a distant look lingering in his eyes.
âHasnât changed much, has it Moony? Someone was a little lazy while I was in Azkaban!â He let out a damaged laugh. Remus tried not to wince. Banter was not new for them, but it was for the men they were now, this was uncharted territory. How are you meant to speak to someone you loved who you believed for over a decade had betrayed you?
Pity there wasnât a class for this in Hogwarts.
Siriusâ gaze softened when he saw Remusâ cautious reaction, he reached for Remusâ hand.
âMoony.â He almost sounded pleading.
âI think you should shower, I'll get you a fresh set of clothes.â Remus turned on his heel. He didnât give Sirius a moment to react, he needed a moment. Once he reached his room, he shut his door quietly and leaned his forehead against it.
A single tear slipped down his face and he took a breath to calm himself. He is innocent. Remus reminded himself. He needed to remember. He heard Sirius shuffle up off the couch. He held his breath hearing him pause outside the bedroom door.
Not yet, please. Remus thought. Iâm not ready.
As if Sirius had heard him telepathically, he continued past the door into the bathroom. Remus waited, cautiously listening. He heard the shower tap turn on. He let out a gentle sigh. At least he could take these few moments to calm his pounding heart.
After all this time, Sirius Black controlled every part of him.
He began looking through his drawers for a set of clothes that would do. Unfortunately, not much would fit Sirius, he concluded. Sirius had always had a more slender, smaller figure than Remus but since he had been in Azkaban he had gotten significantly smaller. His cheeks were more hollowed out and his collarbones stuck out like knives. Surely he would be able to find a pair of pyjamas that would suffice.
His search for acceptable pyjamas was cut short but a sharp scream caused every muscle in Remus to freeze. He immediately dropped what he was doing and ran to the bathroom. He shoved the door open to see Sirius bent over, wincing in the shower.
âSirius?â He whispered, approaching the shower. His eyes widened at the sight, Siriusâ chest was covered in scars and cuts that seemed to be reopening under the hot water. Sirius couldnât face him, he was heaving, on the verge of collapse.
Remus ripped a towel off the rack and wrapped the man up, his free hand turned off the shower. Soaking his jumper in the process- but he didnât care. He helped a whimpering Sirius out of the shower and placed him down on the edge of the bathtub.
âWe don't have to talk about it.â Remus sat next to him on the bathtub.
âIâm not ready to yet.â Siriusâ lips trembled, his hands rubbed gently at his chest. Remus took his hand, pulling it away from the raw skin.
âThat's okay. Let me help.â Remus whispered. He gave Siriusâ hand a gentle squeeze before letting go to reach for a wash-cloth. He stood up, turning the tap on. He tested the water with his hand before running the cloth under the water, once it was damp he sat back down next to Sirius who hesitated.
âYou donât have to do this.â Sirius reached for his arm.
âItâs rotten work.â
âNot to me, not if it's you.â Remus spoke effortlessly. Sirius nodded.
He stood up and moved the towel to reveal his chest, adjusting it so it only covered his waist.
Remus ran his eyes over the scars covering his chest, he tried to do it in a way that didnât make Sirius uncomfortable but he had to assess the damage. He watched Sirius shiver.
He took the cloth and gently began to tend to Siriusâ cuts. The two men sat quietly, Sirius watched Remus clean the cuts up, and Remus tried to avoid Sirius eyes as he did so. Remus felt warmth spread over his cheeks under Sirusâ gaze, he always did have that effect. He rolled his sleeves up upon completion and leaned over the sink to ring out the wash-cloth.
âThere definitely could have been a spell to fix that, you know Moony.â Siriusâ voice was still weak, but a soft chuckle from him made Remus fight the urge to smile.
âI didnât want to risk hurting you.â Remus turned back to him and Siriusâ eyes caught on his wrist. Remus looked down to see what he was looking at and felt anxiety sweep him, âThatâs nothing, donât look at that.â He stumbled over his words, sweeping his shirt back down his wrist but Sirius was too fast, he grabbed it.
âWhat is this Remus.â It wasnât a question.
âI think you know.â He whispered.
âRemus. Why do you have a tattoo of a star.â His voice sounded heavy in his throat, his eyes remained glued to Remusâ wrist.
âThe brightest one.â They both whispered at the same time.
Siriusâ eyes flicked up to Remusâ for the first time since Remus had entered that bathroom. Remus tried to avoid his gaze but felt drawn to it, he couldnât resist looking at Sirius Black anymore.
âYou got a muggle tattoo of Sirius? Of my Star?â Sirius questioned, but it sounded an awful lot like pleading.
âWhy do you think Sirius?â He cut him off. He hoped his soft tone didnât reflect his heart pounding in his chest but at this point, he wasnât too sure Sirius couldnât hear it.
âAfter all this time?â Siriusâ face was unreadable.
They both paused. They both wanted to let the silence linger for a moment.
âWhat about you?â Remus tried not to gulp.
Sirius sat there for another moment, just staring at Remus. Remus feared he might never speak again.
That was all Remus needed to hear before his lips were on Siriusâ for the first time in thirteen years.
Remus took Siriusâ face into his hands, kissing him with the same passion, the same electricity as the first time they kissed. Almost like nothing had changed. Sirius melted into Remusâ touch almost instantly. He threw his arms around Remusâ neck. No matter how close they were, it never felt like it could be enough. No one dared to break the kiss.
Remus pulled Sirius with him up, pressing him against the wall. They pulled and touched each other as if they were almost trying to get into eachothers skin. Remus was a part of Sirius and vice versa. They had always made sense, they had always meshed together perfectly. They were too halves of the same whole and they were finally reunited. They both pulled away, panting. They struggled to catch their breaths but neither of them cared. Their foreheads leaned against each other.
âPlease, donât leave me again.â Remus whispered, his thumbs traced the lines on Siriusâ face.
âAnything for my Moony.â Sirius whispered against his lips, a soft laugh followed his words.
Remus pulled back, and he could have sworn Sirius let out a whine. He took Siriusâ hand and led him out of the bathroom.
âLet's get you some clothes.â
âAlways the fun police.â
They were together, and they were home.