#morningsuck

Why did I wake up with a goat on my chest?

Again??

Grazing at my heavy hearted hurts,

It hurts like a seed of hemlock

Imbedded in my solar plexus.

I’m honestly perplexed that I still feel this way

After days and weeks of tryin to straighten my shit out.

You can’t unfold what’s knitted into the curtains of your doubt.

This veil split in half about a year ago.

I was saved and blessed, washed clean of my guilt.

Oh christ, Jesus carries that too?

Well then I oughta keep on shopping,

Cause I’m looking for that loophole,

The life hack that’ll break God’s back,

And save my slovenly ass.

My pride to stay alive as a mortal human being.

What’s missing is my treatment of impermanence, Anicca.

Poli want a cracker?

I wanna incentivize my efforts to try.

I’ll do anything to satisfy my goat.

 Wait, hold up, back track a bit, my goat got worst.

I’m really sick of this shit!

I wouldn’t mind it if it didn’t feel like mourning.

It’s no even morning anymore and I’m still stuck in this slipknot

Of bed sheets that don’t like when I sleep

And my own shrill dose of rise and shine to snap me to my feet

I’m incomplete!

I’ll keep perusing my gaps and cracks and flaws

Caulking up my trash can with sticky tissues from lonely palms

Now it’s got me counting hairs.

I’m splittin ends to make minds meet.

My doubt and guilt almost got me beat.

 Oh wait a sec,

Breathe a sec,

Take my mind off me a sec,

Not off, but out.

Not really out, but in

To my body

Where I feel that goat on me.

He’s a silent shimmer

A plated pressure

A slowly rotating glimmer

Of ice,

Not ice,

No, heat!

He/she is calling a name

A familiar flair that faintly explains

A blue butter diamond that dangles in chains

Light refracted, reflecting my

Father and mother’s names

Their eyes upon me

Nothing to blame, scold,

Or make sorry

I came from my father’s rib, you see.

Through my mother’s womb, so clean.

They only want me

To be in witness of this glory,

To fight for stillness

Against the disturbance

Of this destructive yet human weakness.

The Goat can take,

But the goat can give

Warm suck from the teat.