Gimme attention
For once my urgent need to make my current depressive episode the center of everything has been overshadowed by my want to be there for others. Maybe I am recovering. Maybe it's because I'm a mom now.
For days my intrusive thoughts (Jessica) get louder and clearer and I don't feel like my medical professional team is really behind me. Maybe I'm a pathetic excuse for a human and that's why I feel they just don't understand. This thought is constant: Maybe I'm not trying my hardest and everyone thinks I'm useless and wasting time and space.
With PPD I got an actual diagnosis of 'moderate' anxiety. It's months later andwhat do I do now with the fact I break down anytime I try to take a class? What about the nearly constant threat my brain keeps telling me is a panic attack around the corner? Because it's only 'moderate', I suppose I need to self manage. I feel I'm supposed to do it all on my own if I want any dignity or self pride in my life.
