I always believed a person only had one lover; one soulmate; one deep connection。But then I met him, the one who made me fall in love in the friendliest way possible。 I completely consider you my platonic soulmate。In the sense that, like I stated, I am totally in love with you, I am— but not in the sense of I want to marry you and hop your body parts until my knees are shaking。No。I simply adore your personality, your aesthetic, your conversation and above all your existence。Because in my times of need —my lowest points— you are my comfort。My complete support system and my rock。
I didn't know, or rather, didn't want anyone as compassionate and considerate as you in my life upon meeting you。There were times when I wanted nothing, because I thought I deserved nothing。But you changed everything。Down to the phrases I say, the things I do and everything in between。 There has been an amount of people I have met that have said the phrase; in the same or less words;「I'll never give up on you」 And I don't consider that statement to be truthful when coming to anyone but you。 Because unlike everyone else — whether that be a family connection, a romantic one, a friendly one— who has uttered these words... you have stayed around。You have not only stayed around, you have firmly implanted yourself into my life and anchored yourself to it like a leech affixed to one's skin, draining not blood, but hurt and distress, out of my life, clearing my head and sitting with me atop a mountain of crushed hopes, dreams and desires and watching the grey skies fade away and the sun clearing through the clouds。 That's the phenomenal thing You're not just there for the sunny, amazing moments in my life — you're damn well there for the torrential rain, thunderstorms, devastating moments but your morals, support and advice always stay the same。 You're part of my routine now, you know。My daily, in and out, pottering around routine。I wake up, and I instantly message you — that's if I ever sleep。 Something happens — bad, good, upsetting, hilarious, and I just want to tell you about it because I know you can appreciate any situation no matter if it's involving you, me, or one of my next door neighbors (that I thought was worth writing home about, because that's the thing; nothing feels like home to me anymore)。 Nothing feels like home, except one thing — and that's when I can spend time with you。 That is where I feel safe, comfortable, able to be myself and let it all hang out, tell you everything from that spot I've got on my bum cheek down to the genuine levels of my depression, because it doesn't matter whether it's serious or not — there's nothing I can't tell you。 Despite the fact that some people think we are/were secretly banging (Taku, I see you, my guy), in the nicest way possible... I'm really happy that we're not。Because, although we have no boundaries with each other, I feel that being together whether intimately or romantically would have forced an uncomfortable, awkward atmosphere down our throats and with a gut feeling as strong as this that it wouldn't feel right, I'm incredibly pleased that it's staying that way。 If I'm ever faced with the conversation of someone asking about our friendship — someone that insinuates there's something more — again, in the nicest possible way, it really does induce nausea in me, because it feels awful to think about, I could never imagine you in such a way (even if I used to like you in THAT way at the beginning, before we got to where we are today) I mean, don't get me wrong, you lookin' flawless, but when we're at the level where you could kill a man and ask for my help and I wouldn't shudder, cry, anything... just stick the kettle on and flick through the TV channels, I think that's what's meant by the "prime" of friendship, and I'll be honest... I fucking love it, I do。 What I'm trying to say, really, is that I have no absolutely fucking idea what I would do without you。 I don't know what I would do without your conversation, company, your sarcasm, your time, your stories of whatever encounter you had — I don't know, really, what I'd do without that now。I can't remember life without you, and that's a very weird thought You have taught me many things — but you've never taught me how to survive without you and frankly, that's a lesson I never want to learn and most definitely never want to have to implement。 If I was to die, I know you'd be that fucker that gets smashed at my funeral, telling everyone you wouldn't let them bury me if they didn't bury you with me, too。 If I was to get married, I damn well know you'd be there, cheering me the fuck on and being happy for me。 If I was to face terminal illness — I know you'd be the first to check I was okay。 Anything could happen in my life and your judgement of me would never change。 What I really want you to know is that I really, incredibly, entirely appreciate your existence and everything you do for me。Thank you for putting up with me; Putting up with me constantly yelling around, messaging you constantly, calling you constantly, crying at you, but then going to be ecstatic not 20 minutes later, rinse and repeat。 Thank you for comforting me。 Thank you for dealing with my emotional baggage and bullshit, even though you have so much do deal with yourself。 Thank you for making me feel useful and wanted in a time where I feel like I'm not。 You're a damn good friend。The best I've ever had。My treasure。 And really I never want to find out what it feels like to be without you。 I love you
