#mood dump

In a funk and not feeling particularly motivated or creative lately, so I did a messy "mood dump" spread in my collage comp notebook.

           But I’m afraid that everyone else dislikes me or thinks I’m weird. So I’ll stop talking to people, even though I like them, because I think, oh, we weren’t that close, they won’t want to talk to me. I’m afraid of appearing awkward or boring in social interactions, and if someone isn’t interested in nerdy things, I’m afraid I’m turning them away with my interests. I try to be funny, and I want to be funny and interesting, and if I’m not trying, I think I can be. But so much of the time, I’m trying to be interesting, and I think it doesn’t work. Not that I’m trying to be false, I’m just trying to find the interesting parts of myself to showcase.

            But I’m afraid everyone else looks at me and sees someone unlikable. I don’t really know why. It might be that I overanalyze my social interactions, but it’s causing me difficulties since I’ve finished college. I don’t get to meet people the same way I used to, and I’m afraid everyone looks at me and sees someone awkward and boring. So I’m afraid to meet new people, and I’m afraid to have awkward conversations, even though I’d love to talk to more people and have more friends. I don’t know if this is common, or a sign of social anxiety, or if anyone else feels this way.