#monosexism

The fact that this website is perpetually searching for a queer demographic that they can oppress and say is actually privileged. Trans without dysphoria, aro, polyam, bi, pan, xenogenders, mogai, enben, intersex, afab transfems, etc. I think right now the main target is trans men and transmascs more generally, but it’s the same old cycle and often the same exact people.

The fact that so many of the aphobes’ “arguments” were literally recycled homophobia: “You’re too young to know.” “Asexuality is nsfw.” “Asexuality is just a phase.” “You just say you’re ace because you think it’s quirky.”

The fact that even after the “discourse” stopped, the perpetrators looked back at it as “that cringy phase I had as a teenager” rather than “that time I bullied hundreds of random queer people for their identities and forced them back into the closet.” There were no apologies.

That literally no aspec person who has been on the Internet since before that time was left untouched, and that the entirety of online aspec culture has been forever altered from this hate wave.

That it was a gateway into radfem circles.

An unconfirmed character is not automatically allorose, monorose, straight, monogamous, with 0 prioritized nonrose (platonic/queerplatonic, alterous, sensual, etc) attraction.

An unconfirmed character is not automatically unaltered perisex, cisgender, binary, gender conforming, and pronoun conforming.

Unless the creator or character explicitly states that they are all of those things, then you literally cannot tell people "[insert character here] isn't queer!"

Are butches butches because they love femmes or because there's something about our gender expression? It would seem to be just sort of a moot point, like how many angels can dance on the head of a pin; which came first, the butchness or the lesbianism? Except that there's another one of these great misunderstandings, if you simply identify that butch and femme go together like love and marriage, and horse and carriage, soup and sandwich, then it leaves out butches who are attracted to other butches. It leaves out femmes who want to be with other femmes. It leaves out bisexual butches. It leaves no area at all to define why some women are so masculine and yet are heterosexual. To me, being butch doesn't mean what you do in bed. I mean to be butch on the street, that's what being butch is to me.

—Outlaw (1994), Leslie Feinberg, butch lesbian author & trans rights activist

Toxic masculinity results in men being 4x more likely to commit suicide than women, due to men's mental health being treated like a joke. Men make up 80% of suicide statistics.

Is Lethality Different between Males and Females? Clinical and Gender Differences in Inpatient Suicide Attempters [Link] Differences in Suicide Among Men and Women Suicide Data and Statistics [link] Suicide rates are higher in men than in women [link] Samaritans.org suicide data [link] Suicide Data - National Institution Of Mental Health [link]

Homoandrophobia and andro-monosexism is the fact that 19% of achillean men attempt suicide, compared to 3% of non-achillean men.

Suicide Attempts Among Gay And Bisexual Men [link] Suicide Rate High Among Urban Gay Men [link]

Andro-amatonormativity is the fact that asexual men are at a higher rate of suicide than asexual women (as men are stereotyped to be sexual).

Experiences of minority stress and their impact on suicidality among asexual individuals [link]

Androqueerphobia is the fact that more than 50% of trans men have attempted suicide, and intersex people (including intersex men) are at a higher risk of suicide compared to their perisex (non-intersex) LGBTQ+ peers.

Transgender Adolescent Suicide Behavior [link] Intersex Youth Mental Health Report [link]

But sure. Say that men aren't negatively impacted by the patriarchy, that the patriarchy supports all men.

That's anti-intersectionality at its finest and blatantly ignores nuance.

Sometimes, transmisogyny does affect non-transfem people. It can affect intersex people, trans men who are mistaken as trans women, non-binary people, gender non-conforming people, and so on.

Similarly, other forms of oppression can affect the "wrong" group. Transandrophobia can affect intersex people, trans women who are mistaken for trans men, non-binary people, gender non-conforming people, etc.

Same goes for how exorsexism can affect binary-gendered people who are mistaken as non-binary.

Same goes for how intersexism can affect perisex people who are mistaken as intersex.

Same goes for how homophobia can affect people who are not same-gender attracted. Or how monosexism can affect people who are not m-spec. Or how aphobia and allonormativity can affect people who are not on the anattractional spectrum (a-spec.)

By trying to sort people into a category of "unaffected by this form of oppression", you are actively creating a binary system of oppression, and opening the door for people to say "well, that experience couldn't have happened to you, because you are exempt of that!"

[ID: justrightforme says @abnormalsystem It is a trinary: male, female, and nonbinary (duosex and nullsex, but same category of gender.) Also, saying your "gender identity" can change over time is transphobic and harms transsexuals. Saying sexuality changes over time is homophobic and harms homosexuals. It's fluid for a bisexual like you, maybe! /End ID]

(Don't harass, just block.)

This is transphobia, exorsexism, varsexism, suptilicism/abrophobia, and aphobia. @this-is-abrophobia @thisis-aphobia @this-is-multigenderphobia

"It's a trinary" - and then they proceeded to list duosex and nullsex, which would make it 4, not 3? Can't even stick to their own narrative lmfao.

First of all, non-binary is a much wider spectrum than this. Non-binary people can be masculine, feminine, androgynous, neutral, null, genderless, xenine, outherine, aporine, multigender, multidirectional, unlabeled, and/or culturally gendered. It's so hilarious (/negative) to try and sort non-binary people into, once again, a binary (duosex or nullsex.)

Also, sex =/= gender. Men, women, and enben can have any sex traits, even if they're cisgender. Treating sex and gender as interchangeable is so damaging to the existence of cis intersex, cis transsex, cis detransitioning people, and TGD (trans & gender diverse) people who do not desire medical transitions (or are incapable of them due to disability).

These people who use "transsexual" interchangeably with "transgender" really love to deny the lived experiences of transsex people who are NOT transgender. For example, pericisgender men who get vaginoplasties/vulvoplasties, percisgender women who get phalloplasties/metoidioplasties, pericisgender men & women transition through HRT, pericisgender women who have vagina-preserving phalloplasties/metoidioplasties, pecisgender men who have phallus-preserving vaginoplasties, pericisgender men & women who get nullified, intersex cis men who transition their sex traits, intersex cis women who transition their sex traits, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on and on.

They also gleefully ignore literal queer history and are eurocentrist as hell, ignoring or undermining cultural genders and cultural sexes.

Additionally, I get irritated when these people say "duosex" as if that describes one specific thing. Duosex can be a combination of any androgenized and estrogenized traits, and thus, describes DOZENS of things. That means even duosex isn't just one specific sex. And frankly, neither is nullsex - nullsex people have varying forms of nullity.

It makes me sad that nullsex and duosex are such transmedicalist terms. They could have been such good all-inclusive altersex terminology. Oh well - at least duomorphic, multisex, and sexnull are safe for anyone to use. (Read more on that here [link.])

(My only note to you is that enben aren't always trans. Trans enben exist ofc, but so do cis enben [link]. Cis enben can have complex gender experiences due to being intersex, plural, culturally gendered, etc. The better thing to say is that "non-binary people are part of the TGD [trans & gender diverse] community.")

Also, gender definitely can change over time. Genderfluid people exist, caedgender and erasgender people exist, and trans people who feel as though their gender shifted over time exist. Their experience with their gender is no more or less valid than someone who feels as though their gender is static and has always been one specific way.

being bisexual

being attracted to fem(me)s

not being attracted to butches and mascs

being trans, nonbinary or genderqueer

not identifying as a woman

being multigender/genderfluid and/or identifying as a man/achillean

not presenting your gender in a certain way (there is no one way to be femme!)

being a domme, top, switch or vers

things that do undermine your femme identity:

butchphobia

not supporting fat, BIPOC and disabled butches

being misoginystic towards fem peers (unhealthily projecting internalised femmephobia)

believing all lesbians* must identify as women

believing all lesbians* must be cis women

believing all lesbians* must be fem

believing all lesbians must be exclusively attracted to the above archetypes (fem, cis, woman-identifying)

declaring butches are universally unattractive (this is abbhorent mean girl behaviour)

believing queer men and achilleans can’t perform butchfemme (this is racist as butchfemme was coined by mixed-gender BIPOC ballroom culture)

phobia towards he/him lesbians*, transmasc lesbians*, lesbian* boyfriends/husbands

phobia towards nonbinary and genderqueer lesbians* or seeing them as “women lite”

claiming butches or masc lesbians* can’t be trans men or multigender/genderfluid

by extension, claiming lesbians can’t be bisexual (ie spreading ahistorical disinformation about bi/mspec lesbian identities and how instrumental they are to butchfemme)

forcing the butch label onto trans men who don’t wish to identify that way anymore

believing trans men who are attracted to women are just confused/brainwashed cis lesbians (this is wildly transphobic)

phobia against transfemme peers

phobia against transfem butches/mascs

unsolicitedly lamenting how you feel “oppressed” (you’re not) due to your genital preference or the mere existence of transfem lesbians* (ie thinly veiled transphobia)

phobia against bi butches and femmes

believing that anyone with some capacity for attraction to men is automatically “men centered” and can’t perform queer femininity like a true femme (this is femmephobia based in slut shaming)

believing that butchness is invalidated by any capacity of attraction to men (again, bimisoginystic purity culture—you don’t get to “own” a butch’s sexuality just because you’re a femme)

gatekeeping the term “dyke” from other sapphics that you don’t think are lesbian enough

believing other sapphics are less queer than exclusive lesbians, or having stricter standards (*cough* gatekeeping) for mythical “exclusive lesbian spaces”, who gets to identify as a lesbian, and whom lesbians are attracted to

believing real lesbians are only the people who look like you and people you’re attracted to

having strict standards for how all butches and femmes should present (this is easily racist)

not accepting that many ethnic cultures may have different queer gender dynamics that don’t equate to butchfemme even if they look similar (don’t be racist and xenophobic!)

believing butchfemme is only a western phenomenon that is only “mimicked” in other (especially non English speaking) countries (western queer people aren’t uniquely enlightened, they do not own queer gender dynamics and butchfemme was created by BIPOC in the first place—gatekeeping from the rest of the world is colonial)

believing only femme4butch is valid, or that all butches and femmes must have at least some attraction for the other group (this is ahistorical as well as plain intrusive)

believing in universal strict butchfemme gender and/or intimacy roles

dismissing pillow princesses, high femmes and stone bottoms as “lazy” or not really sapphic

believing a bi pillow princess, high femme or stone bottom is actually just straight, and only wants to use other sapphics to get off (straight women aren’t necessarily naturally bottoms anyway! this is so misogynistic and bioessentialist)

dismissing stone tops and butches as “broken”

believing sapphics on the asexual/aromantic spectrums don’t feel actual queer attraction and that queerplatonic couples actually just want to be friends

Judging and policing sexual, romantic and partnership preferences, period

believing all bi sapphics want to treat butches like they’re cis men (this sort of bad behaviour is far from exclusive to bisexuals; those of us with healthy relationship habits are actually affectionate and validating towards our cis men partners as well and it’s no different when we date non cis men but that’s another conversation)

believing all butches must want to be treated like “princesses” or “babygirls” (rather than emphasizing personal preference)

alternatively, treating butches and mascs like “men lite” when they don’t welcome that

treating butches badly (in relationships or socially) based on their butchness

believing butchfemme is heteronormative and not true lesbianism*

conversely, romanticising butchfemme to the point of not bothering to engage with critique about how the culture may mirror and enforce heteropatriarchal gender dynamics if we’re not careful to remember it should be about embracing authentic identities and desires rather than fitting into boxes

not caring about or being completely uninvolved in diverse queer culture, intersectional coalition, or sociopolitical activism

Femmes are meant to be protectors for the rest of the community—especially towards peers who don’t share our privileges. Hope this helps and have fun living your best femme life! 🌸 🎀