#mononucleosis

My brain: Well, silly, that's called a flare up now, isn't it.

**Sicktember 2023 prompt-based resources can be found [Here]

Hangovers

What is a hangover [niaaa.nih.gov]

15 hangover horror stories [buzzfeed.com]

7 ways to cure your hangover [health.harvard.edu]

How to Write a Drunk Character [allwritealright.com]

Over Indulgence

Dealing with Food hangovers [health.usnews.com]

4 Ways to Stop Digestive Discomfort  [michiganmedicine.org]

I Ate Too Much. Now What Do I Do? [osfhealthcare.org]

Is It Possible… Stomach Explode? [popsci.com]

Campus/Con Crud

Crushing the Campus Crud [hercampus.com]

So What is Con Crud  [granitcon.com]

Coming Down With the Crud  [bmhsc.org]

I had Epstein-Barr 9 years ago, and Covid at the end of May. It is now mid-August and I am exhausted, confused, in a constant daze, brain-fogged, and my ADHD symptoms, especially executive dysfunction, are worse than ever.

Covid can reactivate Epstein-Barr viruses, and the viral load is well-measurable 3 months post-Covid, as far as I have gathered from a German source.

I'm going to ask to get tested for my current Epstein-Barr viral load.

Stay safe, everyone. I got that fuck-ass shit Covid virus in May 2024, when everyone was confidently parroting how "Covid is over". And that despite routinely washing my hands and masking in public transport.

I am 99,9% sure that I am dealing with Long Covid here.

I hate everything right now.

when i was twelve, i got bitten by a tick. i didn’t even know. just a weird rash on my neck that i brushed off as a heat allergy. months later it still showed up in my blood "oh, it’s Lyme disease, surprise surprise. antibiotics, done, you’ll be fine."

nobody tells you that lyme isn’t like a cold it doesn’t just go away. it lingers. it hides. it waits. No one told me atleast. chronic fatigue that made me feel lazy, joint pain that made me feel old before I was ever young, weight gain that made me miss plans, depression that made me miss myself.

when i was seventeen, everything fell apart. mono. lyme's fav cousin. epstein-barr. and it wrecked me.

my immune system was already shot. i was so tired i’d fall asleep doing my homework, wake up hours later with a puddle of drool and the same unfinished sentence.

my grades tanked. teachers thought i was slacking. my parents thought I was lazy, I thought maybe i was just stupid. not smart enough to keep up. not disciplined enough. not good enough. Just too insecure about nothing fitting in at school.but it was lyme.

the Great Imitator.

it makes you think your body is broken in a thousand different ways, when it’s really one root cause that no one sees. joint pain, gut problems, IBS, lymphedema, lipedema, weight gain, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, insomnia, migraines, brain fog, autoimmune flare-ups.

one disease, wearing every mask.

doctors lined up to stamp their prejudices on my chart, lazy, dramatic, attention-seeking. A young girl can't be sick. Take this pill, try this diet, it’s all in your head, get some sleep, lose some weight. you’re probably just stressed. When that didn't help the doctors kept giving me new labels like party favors.

each one felt like a life sentence.

and the worst of all no one told me lyme could mess with your brain chemistry. no one said it could make you feel suicidal. not in the dramatic, cinematic way but in the slow, numb, slipping-away kind of way. when every day feels like a weighted blanket of static. when you cry over nothing, then feel nothing at all. when you start to wonder if maybe you really are just broken beyond fixing.

how am I supposed to build a future like this? It's not normal to feel this depressed about living the "normal 9 to 5 life" is it?

sometimes i’d ask myself: am i autistic? am i borderline? am i just dramatic? am i just fat?should i exercise more? eat less? sleep more? try harder?

but how do you lose the weight of a ghost living in your blood? your life slips through your fingers & no one cares because it’s not theirs. it’s yours.

you wake up one day & realise decades are gone because one tick bit you under the summer sun.

one bite. a lifetime.

lyme is not just one thing it’s a root system that branches into every organ, every cell, every moment you thought you were just weak. turns out you were just fighting an invisible monster the whole time. The Great Imitator.

it’s tick season.

please, please check yourself.

check your kids.

check your pets.

check behind your knees, in your hairline, under your clothes, everywhere.

one tiny bite can steal years from you & you won’t even know until it’s too late.

i don’t have a neat ending.

i’m still here, untangling the web this tick spun in me when i was twelve.