you may know of red velvet cakes, or even yellow velvet cakes, but have you heard of blue velvet cakes?? this slug is the only person who knows how to make them, and they are so sweet and crisp they'll make your tummy hurt and your genitals fall off

he hasn't said anything about how he discovered the recipe, but we all know it has to do with why his left tail is longer than his right

glorpiness rating: zoving a glicky

photographed by Georgina Jones (seastung) (CC BY-SA 4.0)

why? why is malleus malleus shaped like that?? she looks like cow tools! or like a weird piece of driftwood. or a bipalium. a little bit like a hammer too. maybe that's why they call her the hammer oyster? probably not. she looks more like a prounch than any hammer I've seen before

glorpiness rating: coe tools

photographed by uwkwaj (CC BY-NC 4.0)

these neuston friends have started a little band together! sadly they haven't released any music yet because they don't know how to use any musical instruments or softwares

despite this they fight very ferociously to prevent anyone from using or even mentioning their band name in anything, so much so that I can't even tell you what it's called lest I risk getting immolated!

glorpiness rating: look-edible gummy

photographed by Marc Xue (marcxue) (CC BY-NC 4.0)

English translation: "Maybe a shot of snail-vodka? Farmers are raising hundreds thousands of snails and making booze and dumplings out of them"

did you know? this unassuming forest friend is actually a descendant of the mighty and fearsome spinosaurus! can you image that? going from one of the biggest animals in the world to one of the smallest?? talk about a DOWNFALL am I right?

what do you guys think?

glorpiness rating: never remember never forget

this little guy is as little as they come! he's small enough to fit comfortably in the palm of your hand 🖐️, but can also fit in the inner membrane of a bacterium 🦠 or even in the trunk of a newly purchased car 🚗 despite being much bigger than one!

he's so small he only needs to eat one thing every minute 😇

glorpiness rating: the toxin is candid