#modern!levi

“I really thought this one was into me, Levi.”

the raven just shrugged before sipping his tea. he ignored you, but the smug look on his face says otherwise. you rolled your eyes at him and he scoffed. he never really misses anything and that’s one of the traits you admire about him. though it sometimes irritates you with how sharp he is that you can never be sneaky with him. talk about multiple backfired pranks and earfuls from the devil himself, but you always managed to get away only because he lets you.

“what? don’t look at me like that. he was the one who initiated it and he said he’d pick me up, I thought he was just late. but there we’re no calls.”

…

“I think he blocked me.. oh no! what if something happened to him!? Levi, what do we do?!”

it’s his turn now to roll his eyes at you, shaking his head at your dramatic exaggeration. after being friends with you for years, that’s one thing that he’ll never get used to and he’ll never get tired of too. he thinks it’s cute, but he’ll never admit that to you. knowing you’ll never shut up about it and he knows you damn well enough to know that he’ll never hear the end of it with your annoying teasing.

“brat, calm down. maybe it’s a good thing he suddenly disappeared, you don’t even know him that well.”

you gave him a deadpan look.

“that’s exactly what a second date is for! to get to know him better, idiot!”

he flicks your forehead while giving you a headlock. he’s always too fast and you didn’t see it coming. you thought of flailing your arms for release or fake fainting, but knowing his strength and how you always lose to him. he will only let go once you say sorry, but that would only feed his unnecessary ego that he doesn’t need anyway. you try to think of anything, then an idea pops up in your head. a very stupid, childish idea. gathering all your strength, you wrapped your hands tightly around his grip on you as a distraction. then you pushed your behind into him very very hard.

you heard a moan.

and you both freeze—

for a moment, none of you uttered a single word.

then you realize what just happened, he didn’t just— no.. did he? oh god. it seems like Levi realized it too when he suddenly releases his hold and backed away from you as if you were a hot molten lava, which you feel like you are right now with how much your face is burning. involuntary, your hands reached up to cover your reddening face. you are still frozen in your spot.

“ohmygod.”

“shut up”

Levi lets out a grunt as he clutches his crotch in an almost crouching position. he was shocked when you pulled that stunt and all he could do was freeze. you are so stupid, how could you even think of that?he wanted to get mad at you, but he knows he couldn’t.. he’s too whipped and when you pushed into him so hard, he felt it everywhere, you. your ass on him, your plump ass against his dick that is now hard.. it felt so good.

Levi tries to think of anything than the thought of your ass against him, against his hard d- he closes his eyes and sighs trying to calm himself. pissed at himself for getting a hard raging boner that he has to take care of now, pissed at the fact that you know he got a boner because of you and he’s a little embarrassed. you’re still there in front of him with your back facing him and that ass.. Levi looks away, anywhere but your ass. his face flushed and you won’t even look at him, it’s better that way. of course what did he think?

he hates himself for being so horny like a stupid teenager and poor you, now you’ll probably look at him weirdly like how could he? someone who you thought of as a friend and even as an older brother had a reaction to you like that? although he doesn’t see you as a little sister, but you didn’t know that. did you?

_____________________________________________

pt. 2

After initially getting over Levi already being annoyed by technology and explaining how Among Us worked, it was finally time for the first game.

Levi slightly raised his eyebrows when he saw the big red bold letters appear at the top of the screen that read “Imposter.” But he tried not to give it away as you were just on the other side of the room.

Levi wasn’t stupid, he pretty much grasped the concept, but he found himself getting a little nervous. He didn’t want to play this game already, so it was pretty bad luck to get Imposter the first time ever playing.

Deep down, Levi really wanted to impress you. So, he grit his teeth and told himself to try his best...even if he thought it was stupid.

The game started and Levi finally realized his fellow Imposter was Hange...great.

He’d never even saw how she played as Imposter, but he already got the feeling that she wouldn’t be great at it.

Since Levi had never played as Crewmate, it was pretty obvious to you that he was faking tasks. You found it adorable though, but he decided to stay silent about it.

Even though he was Imposter, Levi pretty much followed you and Eren around.

You three were in Electrical when the lights suddenly went out, but since you were right there you went to fix them. When you went back up to the top of the room, you saw the bottom half of Eren’s dark green body.

You thought about reporting for a minute, knowing you could get Levi out easily, but you decided against it.

Until Mikasa came in and reported immediately.

“Y/N killed Eren in Electrical! She was standing over the body!” Mikasa shouted.

“What?! No! I found the body!” You shouted back.

“Why didn’t you report it then? You killed Eren.” She insisted, eliciting a frustrated groan from you.

“Sus.” Jean said, everyone else agreeing.

You could’ve easily targeted Levi, but you wanted him to have a chance. “Ugh, fine! If you don’t believe me, then vote me out. But I swear, it’s not me.”

“Maybe we should listen to her.” Levi said.

“You’re biased. Vote her out!” Jean pushed, quickly casting his vote.

Everyone but Levi voted for you while you just skipped. You cringed, knowing he should’ve just voted for you. “Uh, Levi...?”

You faked cried into your mic as your little cyan body floated off into space.

As a ghost, you followed Levi and Hange around, completely ignoring the rest of you tasks. Apparently, Eren wanted to watch too.

You giggled quietly as Hange teased Armin by standing over a vent, hopping in and out then killing him.

Levi walked around the ship, his hand twitching over the kill button and smirking as he found who he was looking for.

You gasped as he killed Mikasa in front of Hange and Jean, knowing that was an awful move.

“It’s Levi! It’s Levi!” Jean yelled, definitely peaking his audio.

“Uh, yeah.” Hange said, having no choice. “He killed Mikasa in front of us in Nav.”

You heard Levi tsk into his mic. “She got Y/N killed, the little brat.”

“He just admitted it!” Jean yelled, peaking his mic yet again. “Vote him!”

“She deserved it.” Levi said bluntly.

It didn’t take long to find the other Imposter, Hange’s play style being extremely sloppy.

“Oh, what a shame to get Imposter the first time playing.” You laughed.

“Yeah, sorry Levi.” Jean laughed, clearly not sorry.

“I’m not. He killed Eren.” Mikasa said.

“You blamed me for it, Mika!” You yelled.

Thankfully, Levi didn’t get Imposter anymore after that.

He was surprisingly really good at susing the right people in the game, and most of the games were won by the Crewmates due to his good detective skills.

After everyone hopped off the discord call, you walked over to Levi with a hopeful smile on your face. “Well?”

Levi sighed, “I had...fun.”

You squealing happily, making Levi roll his eyes. “Alright, alright, brat.”

“It really sucks getting Imposter without getting Crew beforehand.”

“I liked being Imposter, even if I didn’t really know how to play properly.”

“You just liked killing Eren and Mikasa.”

“...yes.”  

Levi Ackerman is a gentleman. You discover this as you see more of him. He is the kind of gentleman that walks over to the passenger side and opens car doors for you every time; if you’re out with him, your hand doesn’t touch a handle or a chair all night. He’s the kind to slip the waiter his card before you even get to order, ensuring that the check never comes out, and you never even have the opportunity to ask to split the bill with him. The kind of gentleman who doesn’t even try to come upstairs with you when he takes you home after dinner. Even though a part of you wishes that he did.

The formality is comfortable for him, well-practiced and natural. But everything else is a struggle, more than you would expect from nerves alone.

He's trying, you can tell he is, taking you to places he’s clearly never been, his hands bunching nervously at his sides when he thinks you aren’t looking. Asking you questions about yourself that sound so stiff it’s like they’re being read directly off a notepad, but he listens to your answers, and he remembers. He caught you off guard on your third date when he asked a question about Coco, your childhood dog, that you’d mentioned once weeks before. You smiled for a full ten minutes after that.

Most of the questions you ask Levi about himself are diverted or answered in as few words as he can manage. (Are you close with your family? No. Any siblings? No. Parents still around? Not for a long time.) You still have no clear answers about where he grew up, his job (I work with money.), or any other personal details; it got so close to pulling teeth that you just stopped asking. It’s discouraging of course, but then you catch him wince after he dodges your harmless question about his favorite food, and you realize he’s just so used to keeping these things to himself he isn’t sure how to talk about them.

He does let two details slip though, two names come out of his mouth more than once over the course of your first few dates and they pique your interest more than you thought anything could have. One is Erwin, its clear from the way he speaks that Levi respects him, and from the affection that comes over his face, that he likes him as well. The other is someone named Zeke whose very mention brings out the stormy tone in Levi’s eyes, sets his teeth on edge. His name is never spoken without an accompanying “goddamn Yeager” or “that fucking buffoon”. You can’t help but laugh when he mentions Zeke, your imagination running wild trying to come up with things he could possibly have done to make the stoic all-business Levi react so strongly.

You miss the way Levi’s eyes crinkle when he sees you laugh. And don’t realize that he keeps mentioning Zeke just to see it happen again.

He makes you feel beautiful, special, like he knows you’re worth paying attention to the little things for. Despite the rather slow progress and the difficult communication, being with Levi makes you almost giddy in a way you haven’t felt in years.

How could you possibly square that man with the one standing in front of you now with his hair falling in his face and blood on his knuckles?

Your fourth date had been going so well.

A pleasant meal at a trendy restaurant—one you were sure the mysterious Erwin had suggested—was supposed to be followed up by coffee at a little café nearby. While the dinner plates were being cleared away, you celebrated inwardly at the thought of enjoying a cup that you hadn’t had to brew and pour yourself. As the pair of you left the restaurant, Levi had draped his suit jacket over your shoulders when the chilly air hit you and you shivered as you stepped outside.

You smiled appreciatively at him and pulled it around you, far more satisfied than you should have been at such a gesture. Maybe this is what dates were supposed to feel like? Not that any you’d been on before were good comparisons. Levi was the first man to ever really make you feel like he was interested in spending time with you and not just interested in you. In getting back to your place as quickly as possible.

A spark of excitement, tempered with a healthy dose of apprehension, lit up in your chest; you hoped this would be the night he would make some kind of move. He hadn’t so much as kissed you or held you hand, but clearly, he saw something he liked, or he wouldn’t have kept asking you out. Right?

Levi steered the pair of you off the sidewalk and down an alley, a decision you questioned until you saw that the recent rain had left the rest of the path submerged in murky, gray/brown water. The alley was dry, however, and offered a shorter route to the café.

Your head was so occupied with thoughts of finally getting a kiss or at least some kind of assurance that this wasn’t just how he treated his friends, that you didn’t even notice the dark shape in front of you. You didn’t notice when you walked right past him. You didn’t see him the way Levi did as he unfolded out of a crouch. Not until he spoke did you realize you weren’t alone.

"Oi! Oi, Oni."

Levi stopped abruptly and you slowed a few paces later when you realized he wasn't catching back up. You started to turn back, but Levi’s hand was on you in a second, fingers fanning wide over your lower back. He pressed, trying to force you forward, but you didn’t budge, instead you peered back at him in confusion.

"Keep walking." He whispered, urgent.

He was standing too still as he spoke, looking out the corner of his eye to where the man stood back in the alley. You jumped when you finally saw the figure looming; he was big, you realized, tall enough to tower over Levi if he came any closer. Something on his belt caught the light from the streetlamp and glinted like glass.

"What? Without you—?"

Unease seeped into your stomach. Oni. Devil.

That was the word that struck Levi and froze him. Why would someone call him something like that? And why did he care? It almost seemed like it had meaning to him...

You suddenly felt fear you hadn’t realized you were capable of. You reached back and grabbed at Levi’s sleeve, holding onto the fabric to tether yourself to him. Walking away alone was the last thing in the world you wanted to do.

“That man. H-He has a—”

“I know.” He cut you off, voice tight.

"L-Levi...I'm scared." You whimpered. You knew better than to look back and engage the stranger, but you couldn’t prevent yourself from stopping completely and shrinking closer to Levi; exactly what he didn’t want you doing.

“You deaf, old man? I’m talkin’ to you.”

You jumped at the sharp sound of the voice behind you, an alarmed squeak coming out of your mouth. Instinctively, you looked to Levi, and as you turned you saw that his eyes had gone hard. They were chips of flint staring flatly ahead, and you shivered at the empty look behind them.

"You're okay." He said lowly to you as if he hadn’t even heard the man speak. He nodded toward the well-lit street corner visible on the other side of the road, "But you need to walk out there, get a cab, and go home. Right now. You understand?" Levi spoke calmly and with a cadence you clung to. You nodded. “Gonna be alright.”

He pulled your fingers from their grip on his sleeve and again pressed his hand against your back, this time hard enough to propel you forward toward the illuminated sidewalk. You gulped as you stepped away, instantly feeling the loss of security as the heat from his body was replaced by the cool whipping of the wind between the buildings.

Footsteps behind you—the man approaching Levi, you thought—made you lose heart and pause, "Can't I s-stay with—”

"No. Now go." That is an order if you've ever heard one. The bark of his voice worked well enough that your feet carried you to the street without any help from your brain.

"Aww, you can stay, sweetheart. I just wanna talk to him is all!" The unfamiliar voice called behind you, it sounded amused in a way that made your stomach turn, "Why don't you and I talk a little bit after?"

"You watch your mouth, boy." Levi spat, finally acknowledging the stranger in a way that should have sent the man running.

The sharpness of his voice was so unfamiliar it made you stop again. You made the mistake of looking back one more time and you instantly wished you hadn’t. Something dark and blank had come over Levi’s face, and if you didn’t know better, you’d say he slipped on a mask when you weren’t looking.

You turned back to the street that second and hurried across to the sidewalk on the other side as Levi said. Never more eager to leave a place in your life.

That’s how you ended up here, waiting on the steps outside the apartment building Levi had pointed out as his own from the rooftop bar the week before.

It’s one of the nice, glass high-rises that you could see from essentially anywhere in the city. Not the newest or the flashiest, but it was a place you could never afford. All you had to do was point and the cabbie got you there in minutes. That left you pacing the pavement, heels clicking restlessly among the babble of the busy street.

Your heart is still racing, and it seemed to be getting faster each second you couldn’t see Levi. You pull his suit jacket around yourself as you shiver. Should you call the police? Levi hated them and he’d surely be arrested if you did, but that man was HUGE what if Levi…What if he got really hurt? What if he was already—

"What are you doing here?"

Levi’s voice pulls your head up. He’s walking briskly up the sidewalk toward you and sag forward with relief.

“You’re okay.” The gasp leaves you and you rush forward, and then your eyes fall on the distinct pattern of blood splatter on his shirt. There’s another dark spot on the leg of his pants. And stained across the backs of his hands. “Levi…Oh god.”

“Come with me.”

The next thing you know he’s marching you across the marble lobby. The doorman is looking very obviously in the other direction as you enter. “I don’t understand, what was that? Levi, a-are you okay?”

He says nothing until the doors of the elevator close behind the pair of you. He stares down at the blood on his hands in distaste, his lip curling as he starts to undo the buttons on his shirt. “It isn’t mine.”

The two of you step inside his apartment and he leaves you standing by the sofa as he disappears through a doorway. The way he moves is still stiff, the tension is something you can’t stop noticing since that man called out to him in the alley. You’re still warring with it yourself, even with the knowledge that he’s nowhere near and, at the very least, unconscious.

His place is nice, spacious. But besides being utterly spotless the space doesn’t feel like Levi at all; it feels like he hired a decorator five years ago and never gave it another thought. You’d be surprised if he spends much time here with how tidy everything seems to be, like a layer of frost was sitting over everything and warning you not to get too close.

You can feel the chill in the air.

A faucet turns on somewhere and you step cautiously over to the wall of windows to look down on the street below. The lights of the city have all turned on by now, painting the night scene with bright neon colors.

“What happened to him?”

The room is silent and for a moment you wonder if he is just going to ignore you.

“He’s not dead if that’s what you mean.” He calls from out of sight.

A part of you is relieved. Your head spins at the realization that you got yourself into a situation in which you could genuinely ask a date whether he had killed a person and have to wonder what his answer was going to be.

Regardless of what Levi was involved in in the past, you wouldn’t have thought for a moment he was capable of doing that. But what you saw tonight, the hollow man looking out from behind his eyes as he turned back to the pursuer with a snarl on his lips…you didn’t question that anymore.

He’d taken lives before, and he could do it again.

"What are you doing here?" Levi walks in in a fresh pair of pants, pulling a pressed, white dress shirt on as he moves. I know how to take care of myself, and we both know it, was understood.

You sigh, fidgeting with the end of your skirt, suddenly feeling foolish, "You weren’t going to call. I knew you weren't."

"After that? Of course, I wasn't." He scoffs.

“I couldn’t…I couldn’t just sit at home all night wondering if you were okay…”

“I’m fine.” He said dismissively.

“He had a knife, Levi! He could’ve—”

Levi snorts, “He had a pipe too; didn’t help him much.”

You turn on him, looking through narrowed eyes, your own voice going sharp, “Do you think this is funny? Am I supposed to laugh? That man threatened us!”

He collects himself, screwing his eyes shut. “No, I don’t. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got you involved in that. I never wanted—”

“You didn’t get me involved in anything.” You counter, “you didn’t do anything to him, he just started accosting you.”

“It’s what I am that did this, that put you in danger tonight.” He shakes his head. “I knew this wouldn’t work. I was an idiot to think that years would give me some distance. That going straight and keeping my head down like a good goddamn soldier would change things…But that’s a fucking joke.”

Your face must betray your disappointment, the balloon of tension and hope within you deflating, because his eyes fell on you and pity flashes there for a moment, “Looks like we’ve both been kidding ourselves.”

You shake your head, “It made a difference. You changed your entire life! That matters, Levi.”

“Not to them. And it shouldn’t matter to you either. What the hell are you doing with someone like me anyway?”

“You think I should judge you based on decisions you made when you were eighteen?”

“I was well into my twenties before I left, probably your age. I wasn’t some scared kid who had no idea what I got into. I knew what I was doing, and I was good at it.” The hint of pride in his voice thrummed in your chest.

“All the same, people deserve second—”

“Deserve?” The scorn in his voice surprised you, “people don’t deserve shit. Actions have consequences, it’s that simple. I can accept them. But I won't let you accept my consequences too.”

Levi makes his way over to you across the room. His hands fall from the clean white shirt as he buttons the last bit together at his throat, securely hiding any hint of the ink that stains him.

“Won’t let me?” Your nose flares, too taken aback by his sudden attitude to care what exactly he’s saying.

“That’s right. Won’t let you.”

He closes the gap, taking you by the elbow and practically hauling you out the door and into the elevator. Again the doorman’s back happens to be turned when you make your way through the hall. The chill buffets you as you descend the steps.

“We’re done. I don’t want to see you here again.”

His arm goes up and in no time a cab rolls to a stop in front of you. Levi doesn’t look at you as he pulls the door open and shuts it when you’re seated securely inside. The driver looks back at you in the rear-view mirror and you realize he’s waiting for a response to a question you didn’t hear; your mind is still trying to accept everything that’s happened that night and the realization that you’re being dumped leaves you blinking dumbly back at the driver.

Levi answers in your place; he motions for the man to roll down the window and he leans in the passenger side, a crisp fifty-dollar bill bent between his pointer and middle fingers. Your address falls so easily off his lips it takes you a minute to remember that you’ve never told him where you live.

“Take her home. No detours.”

After that, it’s radio silence for a whole week. You’re sure it will go on like that forever; your texts and calls ignored, pushed the bottom of an old bin where worthless things go.

He doesn't come by your coffee shop anymore; he hasn't even passed by the front as he walks to work, so he must have changed his route in to the office as well. If you looked up the phrase "clean break" in the dictionary surely there would be a photo of Levi there—or more likely, a blank spot where a photo should be with a footnote listing his name underneath, the way that yearbooks did for the kids who didn't show up on picture day.

Something told you he'd been doing things like this all his life, leaving without ever saying really goodbye.

You miss him; the steady, calm, thorn-tongued man you had just begun to catch a glimpse of before he pushed you away. It shows enough that your coworkers drag you out with them to the bars after your shift, determined to get your mind off the surly, undersized loser (Mikasa's words) that you're so hung up on.

Hours later you make it back to your apartment, and after a slow struggle up the stairs, you throw yourself inside and wobble down the hall to your bathroom.

The next few minutes are a blur of you searching dejectedly through your fridge and pantry for a decent snack and coming up empty.

“OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!”

The boom of a voice out of nowhere and the furious sound of fists pounding against your front door makes your shriek. The glass of water you’re gulping down falls from your hand and shatters, loud, against the floor.

Instinctively you try to put distance between yourself and the sound but you’re still hours away from sobriety and your feet don’t cooperate fast enough. You fall on your ass and scoot over to lean against the cabinets, hoping they’ll be a decent barrier between you and whoever is outside.

You sit there, silent, hoping with everything you have that this person will realize they made a mistake and just go. But the pounding starts up again and you flinch. A frightened wail comes out of your mouth before you can stop it.

The handle jiggles and even though you know you remember locking the door, for a second you think this maniac is actually going to get in. “Oh my god—Stop! Please stop!” You squeal, moving into a crouch and curling in on yourself.

Your response makes the situation worse. It seems to enrage the man outside.

A frenzy of blows and a howl answer you, “YOU TOUCH HER, YOU’LL WISH YOU WERE DEAD!” The door is shaking against the frame as what sounds like a body is hurled against it, again and again, dust is being scraped from the wood and begins to form a cloud in your entryway.

God, where is your phone? You have to reach it—have to call—

The sound of wood splintering drags your heart up into your throat. You see a crack run up the side of the door frame and you close your eyes.

“…levi…Levi?” you call hesitantly, hoping rather than believing its him outside and not some murderer, one of the men from Levi’s past that he wants so desperately for you to have nothing to do with, “Is that you?”

The pounding stops. “YES! Yes, open the door. Open it now!”

You stumble over on unsteady feet, your heart racing, as you click open the deadbolt and slide the chain free. You lurch back just in time as it flies open.

“Where are they?” Levi snarls, pushing past you and stepping into your apartment.

His eyes are darting, and his hands are curled into fists. He stumbles over the discarded heels you removed mere minutes before and left on the rug. Levi’s arm goes out to crowd you behind him, putting his body between you and the shadowy reaches of your apartment.

This is the first time he’s ever set foot inside and you immediately wish it wasn’t happening. Something is crackling through the air, and you feel deep in your bones that it isn’t good. You desperately wish that you didn’t have that fifth drink with Sasha and the girls earlier; if there was ever a time you needed your wits, it was now.

“W-what? Who?” You shrink behind Levi, frightened despite being unable to comprehend what he could mean and why he looks so angry.

Levi’s body is tense down to the tips of his fingers. He’s crouched a bit like he expects someone to come running at him from out of the hall. But no one does. He scans the space over and over, until the silence of the room becomes deafening.

“Look at me.” He turns his head slowly to face you, “Is. Someone. Here.?”

You blink dumbly, glancing suspiciously around your darkened apartment and wishing you turned on the lights in your earlier beeline to the bathroom. But the pair of you are standing in darkness and Levi is seething beside you.

“No. I—I don’t think so. I just got back…”

“Goddammit!” He growls, bending over and placing his hands on his knees. Wiping them on his pants is more like it. He goes over to the switch in the hall and flicks it on, bathing the room in light, but he’s furious as he stalks back toward you. “Don’t ever fucking do that again!”

“Do what? What are you—”

Levi has never raised his voice to you before, or even raised it in front of you; yet now he was hurling words out with such emotion behind them that it makes you flinch.

“Call me ten times in a row and then ignore me when I call back! Jesus Christ—Did you even think?!” He bellows, taking a step forward, “Did you think for a second what that might mean to me?”

Levi’s hands are shaking as he pulls them up and drags them over his face. It’s then that you catch his eyes for the first time and see panic sitting behind them.

“You called back?”

You feel queasy all of a sudden as the image of your phone lying abandoned on your bathroom counter rears its head. Too far away for you to hear it vibrate. You vaguely recall using it in the cab on the ride home. Using it a lot.

He’s still in a suit at this hour; the charcoal one that makes him look like a dream. Maybe he was out for drinks with Erwin. Maybe you interrupted a date, and he left some poor girl sitting at a table somewhere.

A sheen of sweat is visible on his neck when he shifts and it catches the harsh overhead light flickering on the edge of burning out.

“I…I’m sorry.” You swallow hard around the lump in your throat. Tears begin to fall as you see that state you put Levi in, and your lower lip trembles, “I j-just wanted to talk to you…I didn’t think about…”

Levi is standing rigid, nearly crushing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger. He stays like that for a while before he gives any indication that he hears you.

“M’sorry. L-Levi I didn’t mean to…to interrupt your night and m-make you worry like that.” The sound of you crying pulls his head up. “I just wa-wanted to talk to you again…”

You can’t see much through your tears, but you know where he stands, and you know you want to touch him. To make sure he’s solid, make sure he knows you never meant to send him sprinting across town after you. Moving toward Levi is so natural, and you’re so sure that you’ll feel better once you’re pressed warmly against him that you don’t even think to ask.    

Levi holds his hand up to stop your approach.

He’s still breathing hard, chest rising and falling rapidly as he tries to pull himself back out of that headspace. Wherever it is he goes that lets him snap bones and cut out tongues. Things he was ready to do when he stepped inside your apartment tonight.

“I know. I know you didn’t.” He’s deliberate as he speaks, hand still hanging in the air, “We…You and I…think about things differently. It’s not fair of me to blame you for that. But God, I thought—” he cuts himself off and squeezes his eyes shut, “—well, it doesn’t matter now.”

He takes a step and pauses at the wet sound of his sole against the wood. “What the hell is all over the floor?”

You sniffle and wipe your fist over your face in an attempt to clear your vision. Levi is standing just beside a puddle of water and shattered glass. Luckily, in his rush he didn’t stop to take off his shoes.

“I dr-dropped a glass earlier when you…showed up. Don’t move.”

He does as you ask and you successfully mop up the spill, sweeping the shards away. His eyes travel to the door when you mention his arrival.

“Sorry about your door…I’ll uh…take care of it tomorrow.”

You move into the kitchen and instinctively start heating the kettle for tea, something your mother had hammered into your head growing up. Visitors come over? Tea. Sad news? Tea. Good news? Tea. She gave you no recipe for dealing with unannounced ex-gang members, but this was as good a guess as any. In any case, you had the leaves he preferred, as it was one of your favorites, so he was unlikely to gripe too much.

You sit in stiff silence until the drinks were ready and you set the mugs before him on the table. Finally, you dredge up the courage to address something that has been weighing on your mind since Sasha mentioned it a few hours earlier. She told you that she felt unsafe in her neighborhood and stupidly you asked her why. You nearly fainted at her response.  

“Sasha—from work—she said…” you trail off as you attempt to put the words together in the right way, if there even is one for a conversation like this. “Tonight, she told me about a man that was found in an alley near her apartment last week. Brutalized. That’s the word the papers used, she said: brutalized.”

You swallow hard, knowing you aren’t ready for the answer. “What does that mean, Levi?”

He pulls in a deep breath and reaches for his teacup, grabbing it over the top, fingers resting just beneath the rim like you’ve seen him do before. A peculiar habit of his; something that makes you wonder about his upbringing; he couldn’t have had parents around that were attentive to his table manners.

"I don't usually bust them up so bad." He says seriously.

He’s thinking through each word as it comes out of his mouth. You wonder if he prepared for this conversation, or if he truly meant to never see you again before, in your stupidity, you nearly fumbled your way into him breaking down your door in a homicidal fury.

"There's prestige in taking on older members, particularly if they're not in the family anymore," he explains. "I don't know how they find me, but every so often some young, dumb, twenty-something trying to make a name for himself shows up. I make them bleed and send them home."

The cup clinks when he sets it down. Levi is on his feet now; his hands swing idly until they brush against the solid wood of the table. His grip finds the edges of the tabletop and he squeezes until his knuckles go white.

There’s tension in his voice now, poison, "But this guy...he approached me in front of you."

"And that's...worse?"

"You don't threaten someone in front of others when you could do it alone. Not unless you're sending a real message; it's not just you I'm after. It exposes them to whoever they're with; not every member is out to the other people in their lives. You don't do that unless you're issuing a challenge. And are prepared to kill for it.”

The fear you felt earlier creeps back into your chest and your voice shakes, "You mean...k-kill me?"

“I don't know. Maybe he was just an idiot; he was young.” He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, clearly agitated by the memory. But then he sees the look on your face, and he goes dead serious, “You don’t have to worry. The only way he left that alley was crawling. And if he ever shows his face again, I’ll put him down for good."

You can’t help but notice the livid bruises still painting his knuckles. You gulp. The finality in his voice unsettles you before you can even process what he said.

Does he genuinely think that’s not a terrifying thing to say? Is it bad that it makes you feel better anyway?

"Levi, what did you do?" You whisper.

Your hands grope for him across the space between you, the mention of the man in the alley and the reminder of what Levi did to protect you—of what he was willing to do again tonight—burning across your skin. The need to be near him too overwhelming now to push back.

"You don't wanna know, kid."

He lays his hand on top of your head, you feel his fingers grip ever so slightly, threatening to thread into the strands before he runs his palm softly over your hair. Levi’s pretty, grey eyes are back to their normal, alert quality, and he searches your face.

He sees the way you’re stretching toward him, and finally, he relents. He slides his hand down to the back of your neck, pulling you in to tuck your head under his chin. The contact pulls a sigh of relief from you and your hands brush over his chest, one coming to rest over his heart.

When he speaks it’s with quiet affection you don’t expect, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

The typical awkwardness of the first real touch between two people is missing; owed to the incredible amount of adrenaline involved in your last two interactions. When you touch him, it feels like you’ve been doing it your whole life. It feels like you can breathe again. Above you, Levi tilts his head, you hear him take a deep breath against your hairline and sigh softly at the smell, and you sink against him.

You’re not sure how long you stand like that, just feeling each other’s warmth, letting comfort start to move in where fear and uncertainty used to be. He keeps his hand on your neck but lets the other wrap around your waist and pull you firmly against his body. You follow suit, winding your arms gratefully around him.

“Thank you.” You whisper. Even you don’t know if you mean ‘for coming to get me’, or ‘for beating that man to a pulp’. You’re not sure it matters anymore.

Your nose migrates to the row of buttons on his shirt, you inhale deeply, relishing the warm, musky scent of him and you wish for more of it. You want to bury your face in his neck, pull his shirt open and feel his skin against your cheek. But this isn’t the time for that. And you know better than to try.   

“Would you stay? Just for tonight?” You mumble against his chest, feeling so comfortable you forget yourself for a moment, forget the distance Levi has purposely built into your interactions. Your face heats as your brain catches up and recognizes the implication of your words, “I don’t mean like that just—”

“Of course.” The words are out of his mouth before you can even finish asking. He’s just as hesitant to leave, the thought of someone waiting for you in the dark not yet banished from his imagination.

But the second you part it’s like a wall goes up between you.

Maybe he thinks your asking him to stay at all was foolish. Maybe he regrets his answer. Either way, you can feel Levi closing himself off again, like he’s been doing from the start.

It leaves a raw feeling in your heart but you let it go. Too much has gone on today to focus on this change alone.

You’re lying in your bed, trying to cope with the dizziness that sets in each time you close your eyes, listening to the way the couch squeaks as he lays down and pulls your grandmother's quilt over himself, when you lose patience with the invisible wall and call out to him. You hear Levi rise from the couch, his footsteps hesitating under your doorway.

“Levi.” You call again.

“Yes?”

“C’mere.” You pat the edge of the bed beside you. He throws you a suspicious look but makes his way over anyway. He knows liquor has loosened your tongue, perhaps more than either of you like.

“You know I don’t care, right? About the whole Yakuza thing.”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear.” He says drily, rising from the bed. “Goodnight.”

“You were cute.” You call after him and he stops. “That’s why I liked you at first. Always looked so cute in your suits with your hair all nice.”

You know your voice is pitched high, the awareness of both just how handsome he is, and of the fact that your alcohol-addled brain is confessing to him, tightens your throat. The part of you that is thinking straight thanks god the lights in your room are off. “I wanted to get you to smile at me one morning, but it never happened.”

If you could see his face, you wouldn’t have recognized the look of guilt that pulled at his features.

“Then I spilled that tea all over you and…well I realized you had a past too. You weren’t just some hard-working salaryman, you were something else too; just like I am.”

“I’m flattered,” he deadpanned, “But being a doctoral candidate and a barista isn’t exactly the same as being ex-yakuza.”

“Shhh.” You hold up your pointer finger in front of your lips in a hush gesture before extending it out toward him. You hear the soft sound of his amused snort, and you smile. “Listen to me.”

“You made a change and got your house in order. You always treat me with respect, and you protect me when I need it. That makes you a good man in my eyes. I don’t care about the rest.”

His sharp intake of breath makes your chest ache. He’s frozen in place, you know he is, but you don’t have your wits about you enough to help him out. A minute of silence passes before the sheets rustle, and you feel the weight of his Levi’s hand as he pats your blanket-covered foot, the awkwardness of the gesture is recognizable to you even in your current state. But rather than being off-putting, it makes you melt.

“Thank you.” He whispers, so earnest you want to pull him close and hold him.

But when you open your eyes, his figure is retreating back to the couch, utterly out of your reach when you’re lying down and still far too drunk to right yourself without stumbling.

"Levi." You call again, and he pauses. "I'd like to...to go out again. When can I see you?"

You can hear a smile on his lips, "Don't worry, kid, I'll be here in the morning."