#mod raissa

This hits hard cause I'm also a trans guy and a similar thing happened to me. I was kicked out of my friend group. I was a little messed up for a while and didn't do much of anything besides school. Eventually I did find another friend group when I changed schools last year for eleventh. (If anyone remembers the gay club i talked about) So as for how I copied with it, I threw myself at academics and eventually found friends. It wasn't exactly healthy but it worked for me. I just want you to know that it may not seem like it now, but one day when you're surrounded with people who truly value and appreciate you for who you are, almost everyday will be a happy day.

But for now it's ok to grieve the friendship. Allow yourself to grieve it because it was an important relationship to you. Make sure you validate those feeling and not shut them down like I did. Also eat your favourite ice cream at those times. This doesn't have anything to do with coping advice. I just like ice cream :)

And if you need to talk, our ask box is always open

idk if this is an overreaction but so many feelings are being felt right now. and i just wanted to share this positivity.

YASS LESSGO!

so for the past few months, i'm so very unsure of my future? i'm on the verge of getting admitted to colleges so like there's obviously the worry of if i'll ever be financially independent in the future (more so because i'm afab & a closeted queer and the idea of getting married to a cishet guy is the scariest thing ever & living alone or with another queer person seems beyond possibilities rn?). but there's also the question of how, even if i'm successful, will my future look like? like i don't have any examples before me of queer people living in comfort who are from homophobic families? and i cannot even conceptualize the idea of creating a future that will be good for me. then there's the added worry of finding friends & then, finding time for myself within the hectic lifestyle of today. i fear i will become my parents who don't have time or energy to engage in their hobbies. what does the future of me with my parents look like? it's just... it's so scary because i don't know what example to follow because there is seemingly none?

i really wish i could adopt a new identity & get lost somewhere at these moments istg.

Hey anon. This sounds pretty shitty, and i understand the struggle. I'm in my last year of highschool and finding a college is terrifying because of I'm in India then I'll stuck being in the closet. If I'm abroad I'll get to transition but my family might cut me off. That fear of being stuck and as my uncle has said being forced to make decisions with your back against the wall? It eats you up inside.

The way I imagine it's doing for you.

But I'm going to give you a trick my cool uncle taught me. Imagine your worst case scenario. In your case it might be getting stuck in a marriage you don't want and forced to being closeted right? Usually when people imagine their worst case scenario they stop right here. Shut if off cause the idea is terrifying and you don't want to entertain it.

Entertain it regardless.

Okay you get stuck in a marriage you don't want and are forced to remain in the closet... And? What happens to you? What do you do in this life? Try to think of it as an alternate universe version of you. What do you do??

Are you working, do you get kids? Is your husband nice? Are your in-laws nice? Do you have friends that support your queerness or are they shallow?

Build this world in your head. Why? You may be asking. Because throughout history we've found that the moment humans start questioning things, we do great things. So question, pound your head endlessly with them.

The fear won't look so bad anymore. And even if you do end up in this scenario (I am not saying you would, but in the case that you do) you'll be emotionally and mentally prepared to deal with it. Maybe you might at some point divorce your husband and live your dream life, who knows?

The point is, no one knows what the future may hold and a lot of the times we have these fears about it, because it is the one thing we cannot control. We can control how we deal with it. God forbid the worst case scenario happens, but if it does know that I strongly believe that you'll make it out fine. I promise.

And this is just a thought experiment, you can try it if you want and i sincerely hopes it works for you. But take my words with a grain of salt because I am barely eighteen and haven't seen much of life yet. I still have a lot to learn :)

(i also noticed you said you may not want it posted but I'm not sure if you meant that as I DON'T WANT ANYONE SEEING THIS or as a polite you can take your time answering. If it's the first one just send a follow up ask and I'll delete this)

For me, the first time I heard the word Gay was in 6th grade when we were reading 'Daffodils' and a girl with a stutter kept stoping on the word 'gay', all the others laughed, while I was confused. The teacher scolded the entire class "If you're laughing at the word 'gay' shame on you. Aren't they people too? If you're laughing at her stutter, twice the shame on you."

I was still immensely confused, until a friend explained and accidentally came out.

What was your experience?

Posting updates on the hearing

I am genderqueer myself, and in my earlier discovering days. It was pretty horrible when I wanted to present a certain way. I would suggest, selecting an item of clothing or something to wear, that has masc appropriation for you. And to wear that on masc days. It's not much, but it will ensure you can present safely.

I really hope this helps! Anyone else who has better advice, please help out anon!