hes genuinely just the most beautiful man ive ever seen, i really cant get over that and i wish he believed it

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hes genuinely just the most beautiful man ive ever seen, i really cant get over that and i wish he believed it

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i was reminiscing on my first big boy crush
I told my bestie about it.
turns out
during the same time i was crushing on this guy?
he was lovebombing my future-best friend and was borderline abusing him.
he was never good, ik that.
now i have a crush or maybe squish on my best friend but CAN’T tell him. If i do, he’ll panic. I’m not gonna do that shit that my ex-crush did to him. But he is severely anti-himself being in romance.
so here i sit
pining
Knowing our hands will never hold in the way i want. Knowing the closest i get to having a relationship with him is us roleplaying couples. But its all an illusion. Nate who was never acting. Squish who had no idea.
cant wait to spend most of my summer doing nothing and feeling the knots in my stomach get tighter and tighter. i think ill fall back into alcoholism
love being single but also id killlllll to feel loved again
"i feel like a child, but baby, im so tired.
i feel like a child, but baby, arent i wild?"
- Like a Body by Sorry Mom

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" Are you solitary and without love?
Or is it unsatisfied love? Is your love unrequited?
Do you wish to show me that even what you did before was nothing to what you can do?
Or have you and all the rest combined to see how much I can endure?
Pass as you will, pass to someone else,
Take drops of my life, the tears of my soul, if that is what you are after.
I am not glad tonight,
I am sick after the friendship of him who, I fear, is indifferent to me,
Hours discouraged, distracted—for the one I cannot content myself without, soon I saw him content himself without me. "
— Walt Whitman
Chapters: 2/? Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Paul Verlaine (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Yuan (Bungou Stray Dogs), Shirase (Bungou Stray Dogs) Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Pining Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), clueless chuuya nakahara, Port Mafia (Bungou Stray Dogs), 15yo dazai, 16yo chuuya Summary:
mori assigned two of his most loyal executives for one of the pm's most important mission of course chuuya finds himself again in a stupid serie of events with dazai. or more simple, Dazai and Chuuya have to fake date in order to succeed in a certain mission
SOOO I'M ACTUALLY SOOO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE AND IDK HOW IT WILL TURN OUT ( ≧∀≦)ノ
i wanna make him feel so loved and appreciated that it makes him sick, hes literally the most gorgeous person ive ever met and i wanna merge souls right now