#missing home

Artist: yamada_souko on twt

3x22 - "There's No Place Like Home"

im missing out on everything and I'm with humans that aren't MY humans

not only that I feel like im slowly slipping away from my people and its been killing me. I feel like im losing everyone and me being gone for over a week doesn't help with that

I want to see my people and I don't know how long that'll be before that happens. I forget how much I hate the summer because of this. I'm never around, im always busy, and don't even get me STARTED about the heat...

I just feel so disconnected and I've had to bury myself in distractions for the past few days to stay even slightly sane

sleep and TV time has been my only comfort and I wish so much for me to be back home and pet on the back of my neck

And i have

I’ll still call and visit

But that place won't be my home again

I hated it, every second,

So why is a piece of me mourning it?

I don't really know what to do.

I wish I wasn't schizo. I wanna cry, and I can't, and I don't know if it's because of the meds or something else.

How could anyone ever love me ? I don't see anything to love.

I suppose, whether I'm slipping or not, that it's a bad night.

It's hard to remember what to do.

I miss my hometown, or rather, home village. The stars were so bright, you could see the hues of blues in the sky, you could see them scattered over that dark sheet enveloping everything, you could look at it for hours, get lost in its sublime.

Sublime means something both terrifying and beautiful in its grandeur.

The smell was so nice too.

For months before I moved out of my home village, at night, before I had to go to sleep and close the blinds, I'd just stay at my window, looking at the sky and the mountains, the cardboard-looking trees because of the dark, and I'd take deep breaths in of that smell.

The only way I can describe it is "fresh".

Fresh because of the cold, because of the water and humidity, because of the green grass and freezing-to-the-touch stones. Even the earth felt fresh, the dirt, everything.

It felt pure and like home.

I miss it so much.