#millenial problems

Read carefully so you don’t missinterpret me. I don’t date bellow my age, hell all my partners are on average 8yrs older than me.

But I’m stuck in the body mapping of a 14yo male. Or 12. About that age.

That’s about the age I was conscious enough to understand the shitshow that happened with the family lawsuits.

That’s about the age when I couldn’t keep trying to fit in with the girls and when the boys closed their membership. When I lost all my friends and everyone realized how unfitting I was.

That’s about the age when I was… I don’t even know how to call it, but there was a creepy doctor and hands and private parts and unrequested pleasure and lots of shame.

And I got stuck.

But my skin continues to age. And my hair has gray strikes now.

Parts of my mind did grow up. I was an adult at that age already, skipped adolescence entirely.

But if I turn inside, to what my mind thinks it has as body, is a voice not yet entirely dropped, but clearly not female; a body not yet entirely grown, but clearly male; a face still childish and a expression still hopeful.

But I no longer have much to hope for, and my voice is ossified and my body grown. And HRT would take me to my male self in this mid thirties skin. No time machine to go back and collect all the Pepsi figurines and the Tazos and the Yelocos and the Athens Olympics memorabilia.

I guess my mind is confused in its body mapping not only about its sex hardware, but also its age.

well i'm here to tell you its just the internet going full circle, a ouroboros of memes, if you will

six seven is just the same as 2012 tumblr absurdist memes at their peak. their prime. like, spider georg is the predecessor, six seven is its son

I see both Shauna and Van being so incredibly into the Smashing Pumpkins, more than everyone else on the team.

And then this song hits as such a JackieShauna AND Taivan song

To the Universe via Internet,

Hello. Long time no throwing thoughts into the Tumblr Void. Over a decade at least.

Some updates: I realized I'm actually not very bi at all and mostly just sapphic. All the sapphic. And ADHD plus autistic and significantly asexual? Oh. And non-binary. Which, in hindsight, none of these things are surprising and yet I'm always floored when another spectrum gets thrown in the mix.

I've told a couple close friends and am going to test shit out. They/them. Wren. And it feels exciting and liberating and I have cried over each of these things at least once but mostly in good ways.

I'm excited. Not nervous. Not frightened. It's the anticipation before getting on a rollercoaster (Soulmate taught me that).

I'm going to be documenting the journey here. Here we go.

It was that the female protagonist wore all of her shirts tucked in, but only in the front. Like, you could see her belt buckle, and a few inches on either side, and the rest was obscured by her top.

When I was a kid, I remember people being corrected and embarrassed because this arrangement (on boys at least) meant that you'd used the restroom and let part of your shirt get caught in the pants, but left the rest untucked.

Is this a trend? All I can think is that people wanted to show off fancy belt buckles or something, and somehow it caught on to people wearing unimpressive belts.

Does anyone else remember this as an embarrassing thing, or is this unique to when/where I grew up?